Frustrated

allie80

It is my 2nd wedding. I have 3 beautiful kids. It's his first and wants the traditional day. He wants all of our family and friends and darn it, I am wearing white.
My issue lies with bridesmaids. I had my sisters before. This time I wanted friends but frankly, everyone is just plain busy. We all live a small distance apart - the farthest being about 2 hours away. We all have kids, work full time, etc. I've already asked two of my girls and just emailed the one stressing because who knows when I'll be able to ask the others and I gotta be honest - it feels daunting. I was so excited and now I just feel like I'd be better off with my daughters and then all of his groomsmen. Would that look/be weird? Or should I ask my girls and just do the best I can to get them together and involved? I don't want my wedding to be a bad time for anyone. I've been in enough to know what to do and not to do and now, I am stuck.
Any advice?
Thanks!

vicki0508

If you've already asked your friends to be BMs, you shouldn't unask them.  It you want your children to be your BMs, that's fine too and it's not weird for your FI to have adult GM.

Your wedding should only be as stressful for your BMs as they want it to be.  All they are required to do is buy the right dress and show up on the right day.  If they have the time to help plan showers and parties, or offer to help you make invitations and favors, that's up to them to decide.  So it shouldn't be anything daunting, because they can choose how much they are able to help you.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2935b3a3-cde8-4dac-b121-154efa718384Post:a937002e-ce5e-4580-ba89-57382b93d0cd">Frustrated</a>:
[QUOTE]It is my 2nd wedding. I have 3 beautiful kids. :) It's his first and wants the traditional day. He wants all of our family and friends and darn it, I am wearing white. :) My issue lies with bridesmaids. I had my sisters before. This time I wanted friends but frankly, everyone is just plain busy. We all live a small distance apart - the farthest being about 2 hours away. We all have kids, work full time, etc. I've already asked two of my girls and just emailed the one stressing because who knows when I'll be able to ask the others and I gotta be honest - it feels daunting. I was so excited and now I just feel like I'd be better off with my daughters and then all of his groomsmen. Would that look/be weird? Or should I ask my girls and just do the best I can to get them together and involved? I don't want my wedding to be a bad time for anyone. I've been in enough to know what to do and not to do and now, I am stuck. Any advice? Thanks! :)
Posted by allie80[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If you already asked girls I would just stick with it. The best thing to take pressure off yourself and your friends is don't bother them with wedding stuff unless they ask, let anything you do be it making DIY projects or dress shopping be an open invitation (make sure you assure them they are not required to come), and asked them their BM dress budget before looking for dresses or just pick a color, lenth, designer and let them choose their own dress. Also if you haven't asked your daughters you still can. 

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ADTonk

If you've already asked, then don't go back on your word. 

If you're worried about who will throw the shower and b-party (if you're having one), someone local may step in and volunteer.  If you think the girls are going to come to the wedding, then the only other thing they need to do is get the dress.

phunluvin82

Ask the friends that you are close with and want to be in your wedding.  If you want your daughters also, that's fine too...I don't think it's weird.  As long as you are open with communication and willing to be flexible, I think you should be fine. 

If you are hoping and/or expecting them to throw showers or other pre-wedding parties, or buy a very expensive dress/outfit, or be around to help with 100 DIY projects...then you are probably setting yourself up for some frustration.

But if you just want them, as important people in your life, to stand up with you at your wedding, even if it may mean that *gasp* they are not all in matching dresses...then I think you should go ahead and ask them.  If they feel that they can't committ to responsibilty b/c of time, distance, whatever, then they will (or should) tell you as much.   If that is the case, it is not the end of the world for them to decline and just attend as a guest...if they are good friends, they will probably just feel honored that you asked.