BM and rehearsal question

tseguin

Should bm's attend the rehearsal?  If they are, what is a fair amount of notice to give to cancel on attending the rehearsal?  Is 10 days notice before the rehearsal date by email fair?  The duties of the bm's on TK indicate they are required to attend the rehearsal. I know this isn't the situation in every case but I just wanted to hear some opinions on this.

*edit.  FI and I have attended all rehearsals for weddings we stood in and a few were more than 4 hours away.  Just wondering normal ettiquette for this**

kmmssg

It should be fine to miss the rehearsal.  How hard is it to walk down the aisle?  10 days is than enough notice.  Sometimes things come up that can't be avoided.  The rehearsal is a good thing but if someone can't be there, it is not a problem.

My MOH couldn't attend my rehearsal and there were no issues whatsoever.

Maggie0829

They should attend the rehearsal just so they know where they will be standing and such but it isn't a big deal if they can't and is absolutely not a requirement.  Please disregard some of what TK says about BM duties because they really don't have any other duties then to buy the dress and stand up there with you on your wedding day.  If they offer to do more then great!

10 days is more then fair to let you know that they can't make it.  Sometimes things come up that may prevent them from attending.  Just have one of your other BMs let her know the ceremony routine the day of...all will be fine.

tseguin

Thanks ladies.  My annoyance with this particular bm lies with some previous issues then I guess vs. her not attending the rehearsal, since like you are saying, not necessary.  One issue I can't even confront her about cause my MOH told me in confidence as it was done to her!   It was a bold and presumptuous move to do to someone she met once before.  Plus my MOH is like a sister and I am kind of protective like a sibling is.  This particular bm has been really self-absorbed during this process and hasn't made it necesarrily a great experience with her, so I am assuming my annoyance is in relation to stuff boiling up over the time of the wedding planning and the experience I have had with her.  One of my bm's pointed out that if she hadn't have done all the other stuff, she doesn't believe this would be so annoying. 

Talking it out has helped clarify what my actual annoyance with her is. Sometimes that is all you need.

Thanks for the input.  I really appreciate it and good to know.

ElisabethJoanne

Just for future reference, if the wedding ceremony is complicated, attendants should be told that from the start, and be given as much notice as possible about the date and time of the rehearsal, because then they really should attend the rehearsal. It CAN be hard to walk down the aisle in a very formal, but not stiff way. It CAN be hard to stand straight and even around an Altar. It CAN be hard to know when to straighten a train or take a bouquet and give it back.

But if this is not the situation, I'm with PPs.

tseguin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-rehearsal-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:29a795b8-cb21-4413-b6f0-51b01eeec243Post:0e9d6b3d-eaa0-4c54-a36f-c7acde3d2efa">Re: BM and rehearsal question</a>:
[QUOTE]Just for future reference, if the wedding ceremony is complicated, attendants should be told that from the start, and be given as much notice as possible about the date and time of the rehearsal, because then they really should attend the rehearsal. It CAN be hard to walk down the aisle in a very formal, but not stiff way. It CAN be hard to stand straight and even around an Altar. It CAN be hard to know when to straighten a train or take a bouquet and give it back. But if this is not the situation, I'm with PPs.
Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

They have ALL known since before June. it is formal. Correction, from day 1 of being engaged I have said I want it a Thursday evening. I confirmed the actual plans before June.  I believe I am just fed up with her and the crap she has been doing and everything now with her is bugging me.  I don't believe if any other bm had to bail I would be annoyed at all or even asking this question cause it wouldn't be a big deal.  I believe it has just become cumalative with her.  ah well. 9 days left.

ElisabethJoanne

I'm sorry, tseguin. There's nothing I can say to make it better, just that no one will really care/notice on your wedding date, even the most spaced-out people have a tendency to rise to the occasion when it comes to weddings, and the joy of getting married will very soon overshadow all this.

freebread03

I was a BM in a wedding a few years ago, and I ended up having to miss the rehearsal due to a work conflict that I had no control over (I was in charge of a large event, and the partner rescheduled a little over a week before the rehearsal). I think I let the bride know the week before, but there was nothing I could do about it.  The rehearsal was at 3pm on a Thursday, and then the rehearsal dinner was about an hour from the rehearsal site (given rush hour traffic in DC).  

I felt really really bad about it, but it wasn't a complicated ceremony, and I didn't mess anything up the next day  It won't make a difference, so don't stress about it!

ElisabethJoanne

freebread, obviously, things come up. My point was just that wedding rehearsals aren't just a kind of pre-party to a bigger party that is the rehearsal dinner (which is itself just a pre-party to the wedding reception). They're not purely social events. They can be very important aspects of religious preparation, even if the attendants aren't of the same religion as the bride and groom. As attendants, they will be part of a religious ceremony. They should respect that by doing their best to attend the rehearsal.

But again, yeah, work swallows us. People get sick. Traffic happens. I've seen un-rehearsed or poorly rehearsed bridesmaids. The weddings were still beautiful. I didn't think less of anyone involved because of it.