Moms and Maids

MOH dilemma!!

So I asked my sister months ago to be my MOH not because we're close or anything but I felt kind of like I had to since she is my sister. Well she has been really putting a lot of stress on my family lately. Anyways the more I've been thinking about it the more I think I made a mistake, to be honest I can't stand my sister. I don't want her in my wedding anymore I know that for a fact. My wedding is less than 5 months away and she has done nothing to help me I haven't even talked to her in 3 months and it's not like she has her dress (she never showed to the appointment to try on dresses) Here's is my dilemma, If I do remove her I know she'll pull her kids out of my wedding and not let them come. My oldest niece is my junior bridesmaid, my youngest niece is my flower girl and my nephew is my ring bearer. The kids have always been a major part of my life, I've always been extremely close to them and couldn't imagine not having them there. I don't know what to do!! 

Re: MOH dilemma!!

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you remove or demote your sister from being MOH, it is a relationship ending move.  It also sounds like your sister removed herself from being MOH when she didn't order her dress.  Is it possible for her to still order her dress?  Call the bridal salon and get the last order by date for her dress and your neices dresses.  Then email your sister and let her know the last order by date.  If after that time she doesn't order them, she has removed herself and kids from the wedding and you will have done nothign wrong.  You kick her out and you will look terrible in all this.

    Unfortunetly, with the kids, she is their mother and it is her decision if they are in your wedding or not, whether they see your mom, etc.  And as long as your sister doesn't think her bf is doing anything wrong to her kids, you probably won't be able to change her mind about that.  Just keep an open line of communication with her, someday she may decide to leave the bf and need some assistance somehow.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2c68f7f3-d606-4035-8353-9e5acdf38f8bPost:9a4d119c-f32e-4902-9e70-f5167f36cc28">MOH dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I asked my sister months ago to be my MOH not because we're close or anything but I felt kind of like I had to since she is my sister. Well she has been really putting a lot of stress on my family lately. Anyways the more I've been thinking about it the more I think I made a mistake, to be honest I can't stand my sister. I don't want her in my wedding anymore I know that for a fact. <strong>My wedding is less than 5 months away and she has done nothing to help me </strong>I haven't even talked to her in 3 months and it's not like she has her dress (she never showed to the appointment to try on dresses) Here's is my dilemma, If I do remove her I know she'll pull her kids out of my wedding and not let them come. My oldest niece is my junior bridesmaid, my youngest niece is my flower girl and my nephew is my ring bearer. The kids have always been a major part of my life, I've always been extremely close to them and couldn't imagine not having them there. I don't know what to do!! 
    Posted by LjPink[/QUOTE]

    It's not her job to help you, it's your FI's job to help you. Since it's his wedding too and all.
  • I would leave it alone. Call her up and go get her dress picked ASAP. Don't kick her out. It's one day. She will show up, smile, eat cake and move on. There is no reason to punish and humiliate her like that. Yes, it's frustrating, but you said it yourself that you are not close to her. You can't expect her to help you and be your BFF now just because you slap a MOH label on her. Ride it out and don't create issues for yourself.
    ~* Matron of Honor *~

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  • Why would it be bad for her to ask her sister to step down? It doesn't sound like she wants to be in your wedding so maybe shed be relieved?
    Live life like its your last day!
  • Kicking someone out of your BP is almost always a friendship-ending move, and the fact that she will probably have to see her sister at some sort of family events in the future will make it messier if she decides to cut ties with her sister.  If her sister truly does not want to be a part of her wedding, she will just not get her dress and not show up on the day of her wedding.  But "asking" her to "step down" is the same as kicking her out.  
  • She's your sister so she'll get over it. Talk to your mom and see what she says.
    Live life like its your last day!
  • But what if her sistar doesnt want to be in the wedding?
    Live life like its your last day!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2c68f7f3-d606-4035-8353-9e5acdf38f8bPost:fcbcb855-f0c8-40e4-aeab-8f7e89bd68a7">Re: MOH dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]She's your sister so she'll get over it. Talk to your mom and see what she says.
    Posted by Shlby81[/QUOTE]

    Sweet Jesus.  Do you have any idea what family is?  You seem to give consistently bad advice that family will get over however sh*tty you treat them.

    Here's how you being so self-centered when it comes to your family is going to go down: until the day you die, they will never let you forget it and will bring it up every chance they get.  And before you say that my family must be horrible and your's would never do that, try it.  Try being a total ass towards them and see how it goes.  It does not fly in my close Irish family and from what others have posted on TK over the years, it does not fly in any of their families either.  Having a rock on your left ring finger does not make you the center of the world and only changes your relationships with others if it is your attitude that causes the changes.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • I feel very sorry for Slby81, life empty of family is a sad and terrible thing. That's why family should be treated well and with respect. When life kicks you in the kidneys until you can't get up on your own, they are going to be the ones to pick you up and patch the wounds. You don't endanger relationships like that on a whim. A wedding is a DAY. Your relationship with your sister lasts a lifetime. A day isn't worth pouring acid all over that relationship.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • edited October 2012
    I just went through almost the same situation with my sister. I got engaged in January & right away asked my sister to be my MOH and she accepted. She is my only sister & we live only an hour apart. We talked on the phone maybe once every other week or so. My sister is one of a kind, she can be very judgmental. She just recently (like a month ago) called my mom & told her that she was not going to be in my wedding & may possibly not even show up at all. Her reason? Who knows?? She says that I shouldn't get married that I should focus on my education. I am 30 years old work full time & am attending school to further my education. She on the other hand is a stay at home mom of 4 & her and her BF have been living together 8 years & yet to be married. Each circumstance is different & people have no right to judge your decision of thinking of asking your sister not to be in your wedding. My sister missed 3 appt to order her dress before finally relaying to my mom she wasn't gonna do it. I think perhaps your sister not ordering her dress maybe a way of her showing you that she isn't interested. I am still hoping my sister allows her daughter, my niece to be in the wedding and I am holding the spot for her but if her mother chooses not to allow her then I will just not have a flower girl. I still sent my sister & her family a save the date for the wedding & hopefully she will attend. But our relationship will never be the same because SHE chose not to be apart of my big day. Good luck with your sister & I hope it all works out for you!
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