no offense but...

XML&MrP

I stumbled onto this forum by accident, I had a dumb moment where I was like moms maids? Anyway I'm a mommy and bride to be and hopefully this helps some of you... A mother loves her children unconditionally when you marry, you also marry the fam. So cut your FMILs some slack, yes at times they can be intrusive, annoying and overbearing. BUT starting off on the wrong foot as a family to be is the worst you can do. At the end of the day think of your FI anc the place your putting them. They will always be their mothers child and your husbands so you're hurting them. Also, if kids come into the picture you want them to come into a peaceful fam. Respect, respect, respect it goes a LONG way. Remember they come from a different time and when you have your own, who knows how you'll be. Embrace your new fam. : GL to every1!

MairePoppy

As an MOB, I appreciate your sentiment, but respect goes both ways. The FMIL should treat the woman or man that her child loves with respect, also. There have been some pretty bad cases of mean spirited FMILs, with ridiculous demands. Hows this - a woman who calls her FDIL 'the C*&%T', another who threatens to cut off her son and FDIL and wear black to the wedding unless all her church friends are invited,  still another FMIL wrote  in, herself, saying she will make a scene at the wedding if XYZ isn't done to her specifications. Sometimes those brides need a place to vent and some encouragement to stand up for themselves.

The brides who want to dictate to their FMILs what they wear to the wedding, force them to sit with an ex-husband or someone else they don't like, expect them to contribute $$ without having any input -  will get good advice on this board. The advice, whether or not is taken, is very well balanced.

Stick around, it gets pretty bad around here sometimes : )  It's a great place for us moms to learn from brides and vice versa - I hope.

mcskatcat

I agree with Maire.  I know you have good intents, OP, but you really should stick around to hear of some of the absolutely heinous acts some brides-to-be are dealing with.  And of course there are plenty of brides that have to be knocked down a peg, but all the same that's what everyone's here for.  You should stick around and share your perspective, though. 

artbyallie

But you don't marry your husband's family, just your husband, forming a new family. Don't get me wrong; I grew up in a family where my parents were practically as close to their in-laws as their own relatives. But when a MIL wants to still be the #1 woman in her son's life, that's a problem. He rightfully should love his wife more than his mom.

MairePoppy

artbyallie - your post reminded me of the FMIL who wanted to attend marriage preparation classes with her son and his fi. I wonder what happened with them.

CowgirlK39

I actually agree with Maire. Every FDIL should be polite and respectful of a FMIL. But there are some women who are downright crazy. Just as angry as some brides get, some moms get the same way. The biggest factor in any DIL/MIL relationship is the FI. He should always serve and the buffer between the two and should be the one to take on any serious MIL issues.

My FMIL told me for months that I never showed her a pic of my dress... even after I had shown her three times. I figured I settled it when I showed her in real life at a fitting. A few days later she said 'Oh yeah, remember when you never showed me a pic of your dress?" Yeah..... there's all sorts of crazy FMILs out there.