Controlling, crazy MIL

callanrhianna

In the past, my MIL has said things like, "watch your back, I can make girlfriends go away," and "ha, I can manipulate my son into doing anything I want him to do!"

Fiance knows about it and says that what she says doesn't matter, because it's about us, not her. I'm glad his mind is in the right place, but I wish he'd step up a bit more. Granted, when we announced the engagement at Christmas, her reaction was, "Oh..." and then after a few questions about things, my ring came up. "He bought you a diamond?" He replied for me (thank god), "She really wanted her grandmother's ring, so we're engaged with that, but it just means I need to buy her a really amazing wedding band!" Awww, what a sweetheart, eh? Her response? "She doesn't need more diamonds, just buy her something silver.... To save money!"

She is Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond.

I know there are other brides out there who can feel my pain... Right?

SSaltzman87

My grandma treats my mom, sister and I like complete crap and even tried to break up my parents' marriage in the beginning. She failed, they've been married for 33 years.

What we've done concerning her is severely limit the time we spend with her, and being cautious about what we share with her. That's been the best solution for us, plus it gives her less to comment on or attempt to control. If she doesn't like it, tough.

It's really good that your FI isn't giving swayed by her, I don't know your exact situation- but the more he steps up, the more power you guys will have and the more likely your sanity will stay intact :-)

callanrhianna

The problem is, she thinks she's totally sane! haha, and yeah, I know, we need to be a united front in this or she'll think what she says matters.

I totaly want to back hand her with my giant ring, though! haha (-want and do are tw very different things, mind you!)

SSaltzman87

Oh yeah, I've wanted to backhand my grandma MANY times. My sister has been able to throw out clever comments every once in a while that throw her off :-P

At some point, maybe your FI could/would sit her down and let her know that what she's doing is indeed hurtful. She may honestly have no idea, but if in the event that she refuses to acknowledge what's going on-go back to my original idea :-)

[Deleted User]

Hopefully it will get better with time. Your FI definitely needs to continue sticking up for you. Perhaps he should have a talk with her about her comments and tell her he doesn't appreciate them. She is entitled to think what she wants, but you can't let it ruin your day or marriage.

My Mom was like that at first and said all kinds of negative things about my H. I pretty much cut off contact with her for a long while bc of it. After we were engaged and she saw that H wasn't going anywhere, she backed off tremendously.

I just do a real good job about watching what I say to her about our business, etc. And I wouldn't share many details regarding the wedding to her. Family is not always easy to deal with. I am actually closer to my IL's than I am my own parents. Good luck.

Robyn5298

She sounds like a real piece of work!  I'm very lucky in the MIL department so unfortunately I have nothing to offer you, except my sympathy!

R.Wilsonny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_controlling-crazy-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:33d84421-be90-455f-b4c2-12b848bec9fbPost:e6f76209-27a0-4099-930e-885f706de24f">Controlling, crazy MIL</a>:
[QUOTE] She is Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond. I know there are other brides out there who can feel my pain... Right?
Posted by callanrhianna[/QUOTE]

This is too funny.....Marie was crazy on the show, but everything she did was 'out of love'. Your fmil sounds like more of a nutjob, if you ask me jaja

banana468

It's amazing that 'out of love' or 'I had the best intentions' can be phrases that drive you to want to mutilate something. My own MIL has her moments. The important thing is to pick and choose your battles and also to make sure her son is always on the same page so he reiterates that united front.

ichellemay1

My xMIL was like that, too.  It helps when you have the united front.  As pp said, limiting time with her is probably a good idea, too.  I found that to be the most help.

DNAtime

Definitely dittto the importance of a united front.  You and your FI have to be on the same page.

rumbler92

My FMIL does the same thing.  She tells me one thing when we're alone together, then tells my FI something else when he confronts her about it.  Luckily he stands by my side with all the antics.  The last straw for me was her telling us for over a year she was going to pay for the flowers, then 3 months before the wedding deciding she wasn't.  FI and I are paying for everything else for the entire wedding and have a strict budget we're sticking to.  Needless to say I was pissed, and still am!  But, I avoid being around her when FI isn't with me.  That way the story changing antics can't take place.  I intend to keep that up after the wedding too.  I guess some mothers find it hard to let go and accept that another woman is capable of taking care of their son.   It's hard trying to pick your battles, but so far I've managed to keep my mouth shut on a lot of things.  I'm not sure how long that will last though.  Good luck to all those with testy MILs!!!

aerinpegadrak

Hell, my MIL actually spent time in a mental institution when DH was a kid, and according to him, lately she's gotten just about as bad as she was right before she was committed.  Yeah, it's fun.  But she lives several hours away and we don't talk to her more than is strictly necessary, and DH has made it very clear that he won't tolerate her bullshit.  So it's never been too big a deal.

MissKate2011

My MIL can really get on my nerves at times...
As I was typing this she brought me chocolates though LOL!

autumnbreeze26

My XMIL was a nutjob. We lived in VA and she lived in TN when we first got together. The first time I met her, we drove down to TN to visit with her. When I first walked in the door, she looked me up and down and said to her husband, "Honey, can you bring me the yellow pages? I need to look up 2 numbers. Weight watchers and a hair dresser. This girl needs to lose 5-10 pounds and a new hair style."

Then she took us ice-skating. I grew up in FL and had never been, so needless to say, I was very shaky on the ice. She was flying around the rink, pushing me every time she passed me, trying to knock me down. Finally she succeeded and I busted my knee, broke it in 2 different places. After that I let into her. She said, "Jeez, can't you take a joke?"

Never once did my ex stand up for me. No one there told her to stop acting that way. I should've known then not to marry him. I guess that's why he's my ex.

Anyway, it's great that your man is sticking up for you. It's a much worse situation when he doesn't.

deb84

lol My future mother-in-law is wonderful and we get along great but she STILL manages to drive me crazy sometimes.  She appaers to be having a hard time adjusting to her son having another woman in his life.  When we moved in together it was pretty rough for a few weeks but eventually she got use to it and now things are better.  However, I am the type of person who is super organized, always on time, plan and follow the plan.  FMIL totally flys by the seat of her pants.  Nothing wrong with it, but it drives me crazy.  She invited me to go shopping with her and her daughter one Saturday, I accepted and she said she'd be here at 9 o'clock to pick me up (our house is on the way).  I was ready by 8:30, ate breakfast...and about 9:45 she showed up.  A small thing and I should be use to it by now but I don't think I'll ever get use to it.  If I tell you I'll pick you up at 9 I'll probably be showing up at 8:55 so be ready. haha

callanrhianna

I'm so not looking forward to her tonight at dinner! The moment one of those remarks comes out, we're leaving. I told him and he agrees that it is only fair that I stay only if I'm being treated respectfully. 

Did I mention her husband left her for another woman and ever since she's treated him like her husband? When I first met her, she would make him go grocery shopping with her and take her cats to the vet with her, blah blah blah. 

Sigh.

It just drives me crazy. Thanks for the support, ladies!

auds1978

My FMIL loves me, but hates my FI brother's wife, (does that make her my FSIL). They had started dating when they were 14, which I think has caused them to see her at her worse. When he was 21 he joined the marines, I think they thought that this would be the thing to split them up. Well between basic training and then another training camp they went to city hall and got married. He went back to San Diego and she stayed in Texas and planned "their" wedding, which she informed my FIL that they weren't telling anyone they were married or her dad wouldn't pay for the wedding. My FMIL's dad is a preacher and she said I'm not lying to my family about my son. Right before "their marrige" he came to his mom and told her he didn't like how his wife treated his family. She told him that he married her and she was his family now and to make a marrige work she couldn't get between them and she would be there if he needed advise, but he had to live with her for the rest of their lives.

amberleigh1012

Trust me, I'm in this situation right now. It sucks. She's calling me all of these names and saying we can't get married. Mainly because she doesn't like me because family comes first. I don't see how that's a bad thing. She's saying she can get him to do what she wants him to do and can make him leave me for his ex. I've talked to him many times about it and he's with me 100%. He understands where I'm coming from and why I don't even want her at the wedding. It has gone that far and if it doesn't stop soon, we're done helping her with anything.
It's best to ignore her though. I've tried apologizing to her and it jsut makes matters worse, so I'm ignoring her.