MOG taking over invite list!!

ashleymust

So, I am in need of some major advice! The MOG had given me a list of guests to invite way in advance of the wedding. She said there were about 60 people on their side that would come. I accounted for 80 to ensure any last minute add-ons were taken care of. Now, she has added more people to the list... and she is still going!! I thought there were going to be about 180 people (combined) attending my wedding, but now the list has gotten to 250. She went from having 60 people coming on her side to 160!!  **Now comes the big problem... I booked a venue assuming that 180 would be the top amount of people attending. The venue holds 200 max, so now I don't know what to do about the extra 50!! I have already slimmed down my side of the invites to the bear minimum, but she is still adding her friends and co-workers! I feel like it's a little unfair, since I planned around the number she originally gave me (and I would have planned around everything that she wanted if she just would have told me a more realistic number to begin with), but now she is changing her mind. What do I do?? HELP!!!   

MairePoppy

Assuming FMIL is not paying for the wedding:

You should not be trimming your list to accomdate FMIL's add-ons. You should have told her how many guests she was allowed (60 or 80) and the due date for the list. Now your Fi should let his mom know that she needs to trim her guest list to 80 and you should restore your guest list. Don't send out save the dates or have any pre-wedding events, such as an engagement party, until the list is finalized.

ElisabethJoanne

As is so often the case, the first question is, Who's paying?

If the groom's parents are contributing a substantial amount of money, they get a very substantial say in the guest list. However, even if they're paying, for something like this, they need to be paying, or willing to pay, enough to cover all these additional costs, such as losing your deposit at your present venue, the cost of a larger venue, and all the extra catering charges. Oh! and the extra invitations and other paper goods. And favors. And the list goes on.

Regardless of the who's paying, you explain the situation to your future husband, then he explains it to his mother. His explanation if they're paying would be, "We know you've been very generous in helping with the wedding, but we can't fit the 100 extra people you're now inviting into our budget. We'll have to get a new venue, etc. We estimate these 100 extra people will cost X." If they're not paying, the conversation begins the same, but ends, "We just don't have the money or room for your 160 guests. Please choose 60, the number you gave us originally."

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mog-taking-over-invite-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:33fc2dc2-b4f0-498a-8bc8-c10ec5390ed8Post:d118aae2-da34-4f3c-bdad-92cbf141b2b1">Re: MOG taking over invite list!!</a>:
[QUOTE] you explain the situation to your future husband, then he explains it to his mother. Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

Read that. Then read it again. This isn't your battle to fight, it's his.

Maggie0829

Who is paying?  If it is you and your FI then have him talk to his mom about the guest list...make sure he lets her know how many people max she can invite.  You should not cut your portion of the guest list just to make room for her ever growing list.  Your FI needs to nip this in the butt now.

If your FMIL is paying then, well, she has every right to invite whomever she likes and you and your FI will need to make some sacrifices.

graysquirrel

Ditto what pps said. This should be something for your groom to handle. You said that you picked a venue-- does this mean that you have a deposit down? If so, make sure that he lets his mother know about this. If she knows the amount of people that it can hold, then maybe she will be more likely to scale back her list.

If FMIL isn't paying and is just adding because she wants to, then you and your FI should discuss a cut-off point. This worked really well for us. We decided that we would not invite coworkers or anyone further on the family tree than our cousins' kids. This way our lists were uniform and nobody felt bad that certain people were invited and others not. Picking some kind of cut-off and keeping it uniform helps tremendously.

renegade gaucho

Why didn't your fiance tell her the first time she tried to add more people that there wouldn't be room for them?  Your invitations haven't gone out yet, right?  If that's the case, he'll just have to tell her that she has to keep her list to 60, and that her random co-workers he's never met don't need to be at his wedding.

Kate61487

ditto PPs; paying or not, tripling her guest list isn't cool.  Your FI needs to call her up and explain that she told you 60, you planned for 60, when she added a few extras on it wasn't a big deal but this has gotten completely out of control and she needs to cut it WAY back.  And YOU shouldn't have to cut your list to accomodate her friends.  Take a look at those people you cut and decide who you actually want, and take that into account when you give her the number she can invite.

note: like graysquirrel said establishing some rules, for both sides, can make this easier.  ex:  People you BOTH actually know (this will likely cut out some neighbors/coworkers who may have known FI as a kid, but haven't met you), no second cousins, etc. 

shoebie

I would not trim your side at all ! tell her the venue only holds 200 and split the diffrence 80 from his side 80 from yours  40 friends of the couple....