i can't stand my fils

i2012do

i have to say it. I don't even know. There is no fixing this situation. I can't stand my future in laws.

They haven't even bought ticket prices to our August wedding as the prices keep rising and rising, when we call they ignored our calls, texts and emails.

FSIL and FBIL called to ask when we were buying them their tickets- uh, we're not. We never said we were, or even eluded to the fact that we were.

My shower is in two weeks and fiance told me not to expect anything from his mom. She said if shes not attendings he isnt obligated to send a gift (shes not, at all, but you know she is the future grandmother of our kids, my future mil, etc),

They like (liked) me i think, but i am pretty sure that has gone down the tubes because i have not made my dislike of them unknown (i am nice to them but they live on the other side of the country so I don't seem them often enough but i think they know from the curt responses i send them know) --- ie: my father in law AGAIN asked what day our wedding was, I told him for the 4th time, and also said "all the info is on our wedding website" and he said "i dont have time to check that crap" (he;s unemployed and does nothing all day)

I can't believe that my sweet really caring hardworking fiance came from such rude inept people.

and i  love my fiance but i am beginning to question what kind of disrespectful, mean, rude and all over just annoying family i am marrying into. They live across the country so we only see them once a year at best- but i am fearful that as time goes on we will see them less and less and what kind of negative effect that will have on my fiance.

We live here,  2500 miles from his family.

em01092

I know what you mean. My FMIL is a piece of work, and I wonder how FI turned out the way he did, because he is nothing like her. Like you, we live a ways a way from them, so interactions are limited to holidays and special occasions. 

As for FMIL not sending a gift or attending the shower, my FMIL didn't either. Yeah it was kind of sucky that she preferred to do other things on that day, but she was not obligated to attend. Whatever. I would just let that go. She technically has done nothing wrong yet you're making it seem like she has. 

Same for your FFIL. I know it's annoying to repeat yourself (my grandpa is like this), but I think saying "August 25" takes just as long if not less time than the answer you gave, even if it is the 4th time you have told him. Is he even tech savvy? He may not know how to access your wedding website anyway. 

How does your FI feel about his family? Does he see where you are coming from? As long as he has your back and stand as a united front, then you're fine. My FI knows exactly how crazy his mom is, so it's never an issue really between us when she acts a fool. You really only need to be concerned if he takes his mom's side over yours. If he is doing that now, he will probably never change. 

i2012do

Oh he's tech savvy
i would say in total my inlaws spend a total of 7-10 hours a day on facebook combined.

My inlaws are young- 45 and 48 (as compared to my parents who are in their 60s)

I know I grew up really traditional and i have tried to be EXTRA patient with them, as I know NOT everyone had the life i did.
but i can make a list of at least 25 rude things they have done along the way.

Fiance doesn't take his mom side he just don't rock the boat. I am outspoken when things don't go my wy. and my fiance doesnt see the need to "harass people" he said if they buy their tickets fine, and if they don't then its their loss to miss out on their sons wedding- and he can't change who they are. So ya, i think he sees me side.
the worst thing about it is seeing him so disappointed, it breaks my heart.

it has to be so hard to see my parents really excited and giving to us and being so generous and getting so happy... but his parents didn't so much as call us to say congrats on the engagment.

I am sure this is because he has already dealt with 25 years of disappointments.

lp912

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_i-cant-stand-my-fils?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:376cf57f-d70e-49ea-b32a-39bdc805a5c0Post:ec535877-a64c-48a0-938a-9fbb4527c42a">Re: i can't stand my fils</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh he's tech savvy i would say in total my inlaws spend a total of 7-10 hours a day on facebook combined. My inlaws are young- 45 and 48 (as compared to my parents who are in their 60s) I know I grew up really traditional and i have tried to be EXTRA patient with them, as I know NOT everyone had the life i did. but i can make a list of at least 25 rude things they have done along the way. Fiance doesn't take his mom side he just don't rock the boat. I am outspoken when things don't go my wy. and my fiance doesnt see the need to "harass people" he said if they buy their tickets fine, and if they don't then its their loss to miss out on their sons wedding- and he can't change who they are. So ya, i think he sees me side. the worst thing about it is seeing him so disappointed, it breaks my heart. it has to be so hard to see my parents really excited and giving to us and being so generous and getting so happy... but his parents didn't so much as call us to say congrats on the engagment. I am sure this is because he has already dealt with 25 years of disappointments.
Posted by i2012do[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I am the same way! My fiance knows when his family is being rude, but he doesn't like to cause problems. My family is just different - when we have a problem, we yell, we scream, we hug, the end. My fiance's parents wouldn't go as far as to miss our wedding, but if your in-laws were to, at least you know that your fiance gets a loving family as part of his marriage. I agree, it breaks my heart to see my fiance say things like "it's so nice that you can actually talk to your dad", or be amazed when my family remembers details of conversations about his life, but it's a consolation to know that my family loves him and are willing to share that love too. My father's first words when I told him we were engaged was that he was getting another son, so at least I have that as some consolation for his hurt feelings.</div>

MairePoppy

You can't force other people, even your FILs to be happy for you. You've given them the information. If they've misplaced it or forgot it, they know how to find it and how to get in touch with you. Just send them a wedding invitation. They are going to do what they want, no matter what you do.Don't let them make you unhappy. Continue with your planning. Enjoy the people who are happy for you and looking forward to your celebration.


@em - a big weekend coming up for you. I hope you have a beautiful wedding day. Best wishes.

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_i-cant-stand-my-fils?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:376cf57f-d70e-49ea-b32a-39bdc805a5c0Post:1ffc87e7-dc5c-4601-bc92-fa2b65699c5b">Re: i can't stand my fils</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't force other people, even your FILs to be happy for you. You've given them the information. If they've misplaced it or forgot it, they know how to find it and how to get in touch with you. Just send them a wedding invitation. They are going to do what they want, no matter what you do.Don't let them make you unhappy. Continue with your planning. Enjoy the people who are happy for you and looking forward to your celebration. @em - a big weekend coming up for you. I hope you have a beautiful wedding day. Best wishes.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you! :) Your help and advice has meant a lot to me over the past several months. </div>

MairePoppy

Thank you. I hope I'm lucky enough to have a DIL like you someday. Best wishes. Let us know how it all turns out : )

i2012do

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_i-cant-stand-my-fils?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:376cf57f-d70e-49ea-b32a-39bdc805a5c0Post:bbd12e26-3ac4-42e4-945b-7d8d1b673537">Re: i can't stand my fils</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i can't stand my fils : Thank you! :) Your help and advice has meant a lot to me over the past several months. 
Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

Happy Wedding day in a few days!That's really exciting

thanks everyone for the advice. I just had to get it off my chest. I feel lik eI am a kind and generous person- but I don't want to be taken advantage of either, whcih I think they already do to my fiance. I have been bad in the past about putting my foot down to people that want to take advantage of me and I think Poopys response about just ignoring it- and moving on adn being happy and letting them figure it out is great. I mean honestly, let them ruin this special time that they have for themselves- but not for me.

misssunshine17

You mention a list of 25 things they've done that were rude... I know it's incredibly hard (I still need a lot of work in this area) but try not to keep score because then you always are angry about something that should have been nothing, but you're piling it on top of other things that have pissed you off. Try to lower your expectations. One of my favorite quotes- "no expectations, no dissapointments." I feel for you! Good luck!