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Moms and Maids

Dress distress!

I know what I should do, and what you are going to tell me to do, but I just need to hear it, I guess.  My son is getting married in August of 2013.  The bride has been having trouble settling on a bridesmaids' dress, but I began shopping for my own dress.  I have fallen in love with a dress, and it looks great on me, if I do say so myself.  However, over the Thanksgiving weekend, my kids were all home for the holiday and my daughter brought with her the dress that was chosen as the bridesmaids' dress.  Of course, my dress and the bridesmaid dress are very nearly the identical color.  You certainly would never mistake me for a bridesmaid, but I do have to choose another dress, don't I?

Re: Dress distress!

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    No, you don't have to choose another dress. The MOB and MOG may wear whatever color and style of dresses they like as long as they match the formality of the wedding. The only color that is off limits is white or ivory.
  • We had a guest show up (accidentally, this wasn't a frenemy move or something) in a dress that was the same as the bridesmaids' and similar in style.

    It was fine!

    In some circles, the MOB and MOG try to match the color scheme anyway, so if anything it is festive.

  • Ok, so the answer here isn't black and white.  Morally speaking, you have every right to wear whatever you want.  There is no dress code for the mothers.  Nobody is going to mistake you for a BM.

    However, diplomatically and realistically speaking, talk with the bride.  She may or may not flip her lid about it depending on the type of person she is.  If it's something that super bothers her, and she makes it into the Alamo or something, it's not worth the drama that one dress generates.  She's wrong if she hissyfits, but it's just a dress.  Then again, she may be entirely sane and reasonable, and realize that you don't need to be controlled in your clothing choice.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten



  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I wouldn't worry too much about it. 

    My step-mother married my father 5 months before my wedding, and she decided my wedding was the perfect place to get a second use out of a fancy dress she would never wear again. While it wasn't a full-on wedding gown, it was long, ivory, and sparkly. When I asked a few people about it later, they said they really didn't even notice. So if all you're doing is showing up in a similar color to the bridesmaids, no biggie! 

    But if you are having misgivings about it, talking to the bride like PP suggested is a good idea. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • I'd talk to the bride to see if she has an issue, but I don't think it should be one. Personally, I don't really care what color any of the moms/grandmoms wear to my wedding (well...my FI might have a problem with Duke blue but that's an entirely different story). If it's the same as the girls - fine. Actually, my mom purposefully is trying to match the guys color so she can look like she fits in with the WP. I think it's a great idea.
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  • If you are concerned, talk to the bride. You can wear what you want, but if you feel it may not be appropriate, ask her.
  • You won't be in pictures with the bridesmaids so I don't see an issue. A lot of brides such as my DDs actually like to have the moms coordinate with the bridal party.
  • In Response to Re: Dress distress!:
    [QUOTE]You won't be in pictures with the bridesmaids so I don't see an issue. A lot of brides such as my DDs actually like to have the moms coordinate with the bridal party.
    Posted by nlindsay17[/QUOTE]

    She knows what the BM dress look like because her DAUGHTER brought with her a BM dress. Unless they forgo family pictures completely, my guess is that there will be at least one picture of the groom with his family. So MOG and a BM will be in a few pictures together. I've been seeing alot of wedding pictures where they do the whole WP with VIPs(parents, grandparents, siblings not in WP, nieces/nephews).

    OP, I would talk to the bride if you're really concerned about it matching to much or anything. Unless the bride is OCD about things matching too much or if she is completely BSC that she would think you were trying to insert yourself as a BM with a matching color dress, I don't think it would be an issue. As PPs have said, MOG and MOB dresses can be whatever they want, with or without input from the bride.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • OP I meant you wouldn't typically be in the pictures of the bride and all her bridesmaids.
  • You should wear whatever you want. If you have any concerns, just talk to your FDIL.

    Doesn't the MOB pick her dress first? I have heard this tradition so many times. Does anyone follow this anymore?

  • In Response to Re:Dress distress!:[QUOTE]You should wear whatever you want. If you have any concerns, just talk to your FDIL. Doesn't the MOB pick her dress first? I have heard this tradition so many times. Does anyone follow this anymore? Posted by pink34562000[/QUOTE]

    My MIL did this. She asked me nearly weekly what my mother had settled on. Lol I was so confused until I learned about the tradition.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten



  • My mom was super excited about her dress, which was the exact color of my BMs, about a month ago. She loves the color I chose, and it happens to be one of our mutual favorite colors. I was so happy she found a dress she felt good in, so I told her to go for it!

    Somehow, the topic of my BM dresses came up, and the lady in the store told her she "couldn't" wear the same color. My mom was crushed, and didn't order the dress. I have never ever seen my mom in a dress, and made sure she knew that she could wear whatever she wanted, that I wasn't going to  "make" her wear anything, but she insisted that she wanted a dress. It took her a while to find something that made her feel beautiful, and I was SO MAD at that stupid saleslady.

    Long story short, wear what makes you feel beautiful unless the bride really objects for some reason. Your daughter-in-law probably just wants you to be happy at their wedding.
  • In Response to Re: Dress distress!:
    [QUOTE]My answer to the saleslady, "Why 'can't' she? Are there wedding police who show up and arrest the MOB if she isn't wearing a certain color?"
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    If I was there, I would have said something. My mom would never, and for some reason she always takes the opinions of salespeople and waiters/waitresses super seriously. Not only was I incredibly pissed that she made my mom miserable about something she was so happy about, I couldn't help thinking, "What an idiot!" She has a sure thing fully customized expensive sale...and blew it because she couldn't shut her big mouth.

    Thank you so much for your advice.  I did ask my FDIL (I'm learning the lingo, too) and she said to wear whatever makes me happy, so I'm keeping the dress!
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