Moms and Maids

True Colors

Where to begin...when my fiance and i got engaged, it seemed that i knew exactly who I wanted to be my bridesmaids, so i asked them...all 8 of them.  Then we pushed the wedding back a full year and some of the girls that I had asked...I don't either see anymore or they are starting to show their "true colors" of who they really are.  The first is a friend whose wedding I was the MOH in in July.  She constanly makes me feel guilty about my choice of where the rehearsel dinner is because its being thrown by a friend of mine in the wedding party that she hates and she thinks that I should change the venue because its going to make her uncomfortable.  She also consistantly makes horrid remarks about this person and asks why I even asked them because I know that she doesn't like them.  Then there are two girls that I've asked that I don't see at all anymore and it feels awkard asking them to buy dresses and spend all this money when they are just more of an aquaintence now then a good friend.  I have had some people tell me to just let them all know that we are cutting the wedding party down and offer to let them have a special job on the big day but this doesn't sit right with me.  But I also don't want to be stressed out about this...especially with the "friend" who thinks I should do everything to make her happy.  Any ideas?

Re: True Colors

  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Demoting a bridesmaid can be a friendship ending move.  Don't take that step unless you're willing to accept that kind of fall out, and accept some blowback to your own reputation.  The one that's complaining needs to understand that you do not intend to chose between friends, and that you won't be taking sides between them.   The others...think of this as a good reason to reconnect with people you used to value highly.  If they don't want to spend the money, they will bow out, but you shouldn't ask them.  Just make sure that you reconnect over something other than constant wedding plans.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    I agree with PP...take this time to reconnect with them.  Don't talk wedding talk, but instead find out what they have been up to.  It stinks that you lost touch with some of your girls but sometimes life gets in the way and busy schedules make keeping in touch hard.

    I would call the girls that you hardly speak to anymore and try to get together with them.  As for the girl who is being a pain, tell her that you are sorry that she feels the way she does but the rehearsal dinner has been planned and cannot be changed, then change the subject.

    If they no longer want to be in your wedding they will let you know.  No need to kick people out...that is rude and a friendship ending move.  Just work on your friendships first and then worry about dresses and such.

  • edited December 2011
    I'm going to go against the grain here. If you're no longer friends with these women and you don't want to reconnect, then I'd say gently let them know that you're downsizing your wedding party. Some of them may be relieved. Though I do agree that if you want to salvage the friendship, this is not a good move. Though I bet in reality, most of them would understand that you're just not as close as you once were and wouldn't be overly offended by the move. That's how my friends and I are anyway.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm just saying that if they aren't really friends anymore, then the BM probably won't care so much. Yeah, it would suck, but if you don't want to make the effort to keep people in your life, then what's the point of keeping someone in your BP? If she does want to reconnect with these women then that's another story. But, personally, I'm not so concerned with the emotional state of people I don't care to have in my life. Ultimately, that's the decision she has to make, not just the state of her bridal party.
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