Moms and Maids

Mom and step-mom

I am close to both my mom and my step-mom. My step-mom has treated me like her own daughter for the last 15 years of my life. My mom gets jelous of our relationship.

I really want to include both when it comes to my wedding. Also, my step-mom is able to contribute money to the wedding and my mother is not. I love them both the same and I don't want any fights to break out.

Any suggestions on how to ease this situation?

Re: Mom and step-mom

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Ditto PP.  Not really sure how else you want them involved.  Just because one is giving you money does not mean that she should be treated any different.  Having them there the day of your wedding should be enough.

  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't think OP meant that she'd be treating either of them differently due to costs, but that perhaps the two mother figures might bicker between themselves about who paid for what and who should get more of a say over certain things. 

    OP, if that was what you meant, make SURE you do not let either of them discover the financial situation. Even if it is assumed (your step mom has a nice house, better job, etc), don't tell your mom how much your step mom is giving. Let that be between you, your stepmom, and your FI. No one else needs to know. Ask your stepmom that she not bring it up either in attempt to hurt your mom's feelings. 

    I agree with PP's about nice corsages. You can ask for their opinions about things wedding related. 
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  • edited December 2011
    I have a similar issue, only instead of them both being in my life.. my mother was not for the first 15 or so years, and my stepmother has always been less than thrilled to have step children. Regardless, I care about and love them both. I have found ways to include both in our wedding activities. I took my Mom dress shopping with me.. but then I took my stepmom with me for my first fitting. I would have liked to take them both but they cannot stand the sight of each other.

    II also told them both that I am trying to include everyone in this wedding.. and that I am NOT a mind reader - if I am hurting feelings - someone needs to say something.

    Good luck in your planning. It is a very special thing to have not only one, but two mothers who care for you so much. I'm sure you will find a way to make it work. Smile
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  • edited December 2011
    They both get corsages...same thing, same size.  They both get escorted down the aisle...stepmom first and then mom.  Honor them both in the program.

    I'm a mom, that is all that I expected!  It was not about me....
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited December 2011
    Just lke Muffin'smom said treat them the same. My step daughter got married a month ago and it was just those two things that made me feel second rate. Her mother got a pretty flower corsage and mine was a green who knows what, and the mother was escorted down the aisle and I was not. I won't lie and say it didn't bug me, it did but I did not let it ruin her day.
  • cmhinton4cmhinton4 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you all for the input.  I agree with treating them the same and showing respect to each of them and their role in my life.

    They have both helped shape the young woman I am today and words alone can't thank them. I hope they both realize how speacial each is to me.

    Thanks again everyone!
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