Moms and Maids

m.i.a moh and hesitant mom

this was the first and only time i post on this thing if all i get is judgemental posts.

Re: m.i.a moh and hesitant mom

  • sucks that the MOH is MIA, but there isn't anything she is obligated to do as your MOH.  Hopefully once you set a date and more things are getting planned she will be there to help, but again its not a requirement for her to do so!

    1st step in planning is finding a date/venue and then you do the rest, so in hindsight, if you don't have a date then it is too soon to go dress shopping. I mean you can of course start looking :) but until you have other deatails established I wouldn't buy a dress before knowing even when you will be getting married.  Have you talked to your mom as to why she isn't helping, and/or wants to help?  It says you just started college, which leads me to believe you may be young...maybe your mom is thinking you guys will not get married for a few years or even after you graduate, in which then yes it is too soon to be planning.    
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  • Your MOH has no obigation to help you plan  your wedding.  To even consider removing her from her position is extremely rude.

    She is in her first year of college!  Her whole life has changed and she is enjoying it.  Your wedding isn't her problem.  Especially when  you guys don't even have a date.  You can't plan much of anything without a date and venues booked.

    If you need help planning you should be looking at your FI, not your friend.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mia-moh-and-hesitant-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4276c07a-78b9-4c17-a8f2-3230af097d7aPost:f048b4e7-6727-472e-b5ba-c0c443704cc9">Re: m.i.a moh and hesitant mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to m.i.a moh and hesitant mom : First, slow your roll.  Your mom is right.  There's no need to go shopping for a dress when you don't even know when  you're getting married.  And ffs, what do you expect your MOH to be doing?  There isn't anything thing for her to do right now.  Sit down with your FI and look at a calendar; select a few ideal dates and then start checking around for vendors and their availability.  Do you even have a budget for this yet?   After you have a confirmed date (meaning, deposit paid/contract signed on a venue), then you can begin looking for your dress, etc.  IF -- and I mean IF your MOH offers  to help, great.  But don't expect her to stop living her life just b/c you're getting married.  This is your and your FI's wedding to plan.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    All of this.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mia-moh-and-hesitant-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4276c07a-78b9-4c17-a8f2-3230af097d7aPost:f048b4e7-6727-472e-b5ba-c0c443704cc9">Re: m.i.a moh and hesitant mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to m.i.a moh and hesitant mom : First, slow your roll.  Your mom is right.  There's no need to go shopping for a dress when you don't even know when  you're getting married.  And ffs, what do you expect your MOH to be doing?  There isn't anything thing for her to do right now.  Sit down with your FI and look at a calendar; select a few ideal dates and then start checking around for vendors and their availability.  Do you even have a budget for this yet?   After you have a confirmed date (meaning, deposit paid/contract signed on a venue), then you can begin looking for your dress, etc.  IF -- and I mean IF your MOH offers  to help, great.  But don't expect her to stop living her life just b/c you're getting married.  This is your and your FI's wedding to plan.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    All of this.  Your wedding planning is the job of nobody else on this planet except you and your FI.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    All of what jcb said.

    In addition to that, you both just started college and you are currently on different paths.  You are getting ready to settle down, so you don't want to do the party thing anymore.  Your friend on the other hand is experiencing college the way she wants to.  You have to look at it from her perspective, she just arrived at college, is making new friends and having new expieriences.  You are not on her path.  This is not a bad thing.  You just have to remember that your wedding isn't her entire world, it's yours.  Your FI should be helping you to plan your wedding.  Continue the friendship with your MOH as you did before.  Call her on the phone to chat about your lives, don't talk 100% wedding with her.  Make non-wedding related plans with her. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mia-moh-and-hesitant-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:4276c07a-78b9-4c17-a8f2-3230af097d7aPost:7becc6d9-96cd-42fe-b298-3de7f2152d45">m.i.a moh and hesitant mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]my moh and i started college this fall and while we arent at the same school , we are in the same town. Posted by jobiegirl[/QUOTE]

    How old are you?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mia-moh-and-hesitant-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4276c07a-78b9-4c17-a8f2-3230af097d7aPost:7becc6d9-96cd-42fe-b298-3de7f2152d45">m.i.a moh and hesitant mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]well, i have two problems here, so lets go with the moh first. my moh and i started college this fall and while we arent at the same school , we are in the same town.<em><strong> ive been planning a bit and every time i attempt to contact her, she is either an hour away visiting her flavor of the month, or shes drunk as ever at a party somewhere on campus</strong></em>. im at my very end with her. i dont know if i should give her another chance and see if she comes around, or if i should demote her to maid and give moh to someone else...HELP! now, my mother is equally as frustrating. she simply does not want to help me plan my wedding! every time i ask to go shopping for a dress, she says its too soon. i havnt even picked a date yet because of her hesitation. how do i get her to be more helpful?
    Posted by jobiegirl[/QUOTE]

    Well that is very judgy and unfriendly of you. I wouldn't be interested in talking about wedding with someone that doesn't even know WHEN they're getting married.
  • This post gives me a headache on so many levels. 1. You havn't shown enough interest in your own wedding to set a date. Why should anyone else show more interest than you? 2. For a friend, you say nasty things about her behind her back 3. Bridesmaids are not slaves. She doesn't owe you free labor, hire a wedding planner. 4. You have a very patient mother
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mia-moh-and-hesitant-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4276c07a-78b9-4c17-a8f2-3230af097d7aPost:28dc476c-9b33-49a2-8881-2206afd69c2f">Re:m.i.a moh and hesitant mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, you just sound bitter and jealous that your friend is enjoying college.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This, so much. Relax--enjoy this new experience and time in your life. To be consumed by wedding plans when you don't even have a date yet is ridiculous. You will have plenty of time to do things once you have a date chosen. We got engaged and planned our wedding 7 months out. It's now 5 months out and all my planning is almost finished--all done fairly easily and by me since my MoH and my mom don't live in the same city I do. No big deal. Let her enjoy her college time and you should, too.

    </div>
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  • Your MOH is doing what college kids do. Leave her alone. She is only required to get fitted for her dress and show up sober for the ceremony. Anything else is extra. It's an honorable position, not indentured servitude. Your mom doesn't have to go with you to try on dresses. If it is important that she go with you just tell her that. She might be flipping out that you are getting married. So, when she says "too soon" it could have more meaning. If she doesn't go with you, are you not ever going to shop? Set a date you are going to look. Invite her to go. If she accepts alright, if not go by yourself.
    ~* Matron of Honor *~

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  • It sucks that you don't have women backing you up. It's fun to plan a wedding with women you are close with. Majority of the time the fiance ends up telling you to do whatever you want.

    At this point all you can do is stop looking for others approval. 
    Pick the dresses you want
    pick the date you want

    Until the date is set it's too hard for anyone to really help out (if they want to) with anything

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  • thanks for your support.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mia-moh-and-hesitant-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4276c07a-78b9-4c17-a8f2-3230af097d7aPost:aebdec2a-f202-4f91-92f3-72f28b9ad020">Re: m.i.a moh and hesitant mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]It sucks that you don't have women backing you up. It's fun to plan a wedding with women you are close with. Majority of the time the fiance ends up telling you to do whatever you want. At this point all you can do is stop looking for others approval.  Pick the dresses you want pick the date you want Until the date is set it's too hard for anyone to really help out (if they want to) with anything
    Posted by jnjmommy0609[/QUOTE]
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