Difficult Mothers

icedraggin

I don't know if anyone else is having 'momma drama' but I totally am! I have been planning the wedding all of a week and both mom's are getting under my skin. Mom A (mine) is beyond negative, and gives me some annoying response whenever I try to share my excitement with her. (Last phone call told her my bridesmaid picks, and she said because they are girlfriends of the grooms cousins, they might breakup before my wedding and cause me problems. The call before that when I told her I was finally going to get married (after being engaged 5 yrs) she asked me if I was sure. (I've been with this same guy for 9 years btw). Mom B (grooms's mom) is even more annoying than my own. She wanted to bring her 13 year old daughter to a non kids wedding for her neice. She was told no, so got in a huge tyraid at her sister since July. She refused to attend the wedding, and will no longer speak to her sister. Now we are getting married and are not allowed to mention the neice's wedding, or mom B gets totally pissed and freaks out. We have not been adding any fuel to the fire, but she will for no reason freak out in the middle of a convo like we had mentioned her sister. On sunday I was going to go see a venue, and she had told the groom she didn't wanna talk to him, so I called one of my bridemaids to go with, and vin's aunt (the one the mom is pissed at) was at the house when I went to pick her up, so asked her to join me since she just finished going through all this and knew the questions to ask. Later Mom B figures out somehow she had gone with me and freaks out again saying that her sister is stealing her thunder, and wants me to look at other venues (even though I have already locked in my day and am getting a contract) because her sister had gone with me instead of her. This crap is beginning to get on my nerves, and I really want peace from the moms. No one else is a problem, and is actually going out of their way to make sure I'm doing alright in the middle of the chaos. Any suggestions to cool this hothead, or anyone know any good councilers (not sure of spelling) in the willowgrove, pa area? (I am not eloping to escape, because I still want the rest of the family to be there) Oh and wedding is not until May 26, 2013, so this is gonna be a very very long year if this doesn't end soon.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_difficult-mothers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:434d4695-96f9-43ed-90ac-3301adc2f761Post:9cb12454-50bb-4f11-a648-5717704e5cd9">Difficult Mothers</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know if anyone else is having 'momma drama' but I totally am! I have been planning the wedding all of a week and both mom's are getting under my skin. Mom A (mine) is beyond negative, and gives me some annoying response whenever I try to share my excitement with her. <span style="font-weight:bold;">(Last phone call told her my bridesmaid picks, and she said because they are girlfriends of the grooms cousins, they might breakup before my wedding and cause me problems.</span> The call before that when I told her I was finally going to get married (after being engaged 5 yrs) she asked me if I was sure. (I've been with this same guy for 9 years btw). Mom B (grooms's mom) is even more annoying than my own. She wanted to bring her 13 year old daughter to a non kids wedding for her neice.<span style="font-weight:bold;"> She was told no, so got in a huge </span>tyraid<span style="font-weight:bold;"> at her sister since July. She refused to attend the wedding, and will no longer speak to her sister. Now we are getting married and are not allowed to mention the neice's wedding,</span> or mom B gets totally pissed and freaks out. We have not been adding any fuel to the fire, but she will for no reason freak out in the middle of a convo like we had mentioned her sister. <span style="font-weight:bold;">On </span>sunday<span style="font-weight:bold;"> I was going to gsee</span>o <span style="font-weight:bold;"> a venue, and she had told the groom she didn't </span>wanna<span style="font-weight:bold;"> talk to him, so I called one of my </span>bridemaids<span style="font-weight:bold;"> to go with, and vin's aunt (the one the mom is pissed at) was at the house when I went to pick her up, so asked her to join me since she just finished going through all this and knew the questions to ask. </span>Later Mom B figures out somehow she had gone with me and freaks out again saying that her sister is stealing her thunder, and wants me to look at other venues (even though I have already locked in my day and am getting a contract) because her sister had gone with me instead of her. This crap is beginning to get on my nerves, and I really want peace from the moms. No one else is a problem, and is actually going out of their way to make sure I'm doing alright in the middle of the chaos.<span style="font-weight:bold;"> Any suggestions to cool this hothead,</span> or anyone know any good councilers (not sure of spelling) in the willowgrove, pa area? (I am not eloping to escape, because I still want the rest of the family to be there) Oh and wedding is not until May 26, 2013, so this is gonna be a very very long year if this doesn't end soon.
Posted by icedraggin[/QUOTE]

Mom A - Your mom is right about the BMs. With nearly 2 years to go before your wedding, lots can happen. Romances and friendships can break up. There are plenty of posts on the 'wedding party' board from brides who chose their parties early and are now trying to find a 'polite' way to kick their BMs to the curb. It's better to wait until 6 to  9 months before the wedding to ask.

Mom B - Your FMILs argument with her sister has nothing to do with you. It would be wise to not get between 2 sisters. After they make up, they might turn on you.

It doesn't take much imagination to figure out why Mom B is upset that you invited the sister and cousin along to check out your possible wedding venue. Did you invite those two to sort of get back at your FMIL for turning down the invitation?

If you find that wedding talk with the moms leads to aggravation, then limit what you say to them about the planning. You can give them information on a needs to know basis.

Congratulations on booking your venue. Good luck with the planning.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_difficult-mothers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:434d4695-96f9-43ed-90ac-3301adc2f761Post:9cb12454-50bb-4f11-a648-5717704e5cd9">Difficult Mothers</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know if anyone else is having 'momma drama' but I totally am! I have been planning the wedding all of a week and both mom's are getting under my skin.
 
Mom A (mine) is beyond negative, and gives me some annoying response whenever I try to share my excitement with her. (Last phone call told her my bridesmaid picks, and she said because they are girlfriends of the grooms cousins, they might breakup before my wedding and cause me problems. The call before that when I told her I was finally going to get married (after being engaged 5 yrs) she asked me if I was sure. (I've been with this same guy for 9 years btw).

Mom B (grooms's mom) is even more annoying than my own. She wanted to bring her 13 year old daughter to a non kids wedding for her neice. She was told no, so got in a huge tyraid at her sister since July. She refused to attend the wedding, and will no longer speak to her sister. Now we are getting married and are not allowed to mention the neice's wedding, or mom B gets totally pissed and freaks out. We have not been adding any fuel to the fire, but she will for no reason freak out in the middle of a convo like we had mentioned her sister.

On sunday I was going to go see a venue, and she had told the groom she didn't wanna talk to him, so I called one of my bridemaids to go with, and vin's aunt (the one the mom is pissed at) was at the house when I went to pick her up, so asked her to join me since she just finished going through all this and knew the questions to ask. Later Mom B figures out somehow she had gone with me and freaks out again saying that her sister is stealing her thunder, and wants me to look at other venues (even though I have already locked in my day and am getting a contract) because her sister had gone with me instead of her.

This crap is beginning to get on my nerves, and I really want peace from the moms. No one else is a problem, and is actually going out of their way to make sure I'm doing alright in the middle of the chaos. Any suggestions to cool this hothead, or anyone know any good councilers (not sure of spelling) in the willowgrove, pa area? (I am not eloping to escape, because I still want the rest of the family to be there) Oh and wedding is not until May 26, 2013, so this is gonna be a very very long year if this doesn't end soon.
Posted by icedraggin[/QUOTE]

Sorry but I had to break up that wall of text to read it.  Also, when referring to your mom on these boards, please use MOB and when referring to your Fiance's mother, use FMIL.  btw - fiance is FI.

1. You should have waited another year before picking your WP.

2.  Your FMIL is your FI's problem.  Not yours.

LittleMissCutiePie

PLEASE SEPARATE POSTS INTO PARAGRAPH FORM. It makes it so much easier to read!

HandBanana

If you do not want drama and their opinions, do not involve them in the planning.  It is pretty simple.

Yeah.  Definitely not wise to pick the gf of family members.  If I had chosen my cousin's FI as a BM when I got engaged it would have been horrible.  They broke up a year before our wedding (we had a year and a half engagement) and it would have been horribly awkward for my cousin and his new gf.

hvansaders

Dont involve them in the planning.  You've already been engaged for 5 years you said, so maybe they thought it would never happen and are still with that same thought.  Either way as it gets closer maybe their views will change and they will get excited, but if they continue to be negative then dont include them.  That completely removes the drama and your problem is solved.

cmusmiles85

I agree with your mom about the BM's... a lot can happen in 2 yrs!

mellimel19

Sounds like the most stress-free route for you would be to stop sharing wedding information and planning with them. Just keep them informed of what they need to know, and do all the planning with your FI.