Moms and Maids

Question about involvement of FMIL...

Let me preface this by saying that I love my FMIL. My guy and I have been together for almost 7 years and I get along with her great. She is awesome and I really admire her.

That said, how much control does she get over the wedding plans? She isn't giving us moneywe didn't even ask because she's on financial hard times right now. My guy and I aren't very traditional and we aren't close to our extended families, so at first we weren't even going to invite them. My family is small but his is hugeItalian lol. So we asked his mom to give us a list of 20 peoplewhich is HALF of the total guest list.. my best friend thinks I should've only given FMIL 10 people max and now she's adding 5 people and telling us to invite them all because they probably won't all come. Really?? Because if they all do, 5 of them will have to stand and hold their plates. :/ How much should I be listening to her??
Anniversary

Re: Question about involvement of FMIL...

  • If you and you FI are paying for the wedding yourselves then you two should get all the control.  Discuss this with your FI and then have your FI talk to his mother and let her know how many people she can invite. 
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  • what I would do is have your Fiance send her an email along this track "Mom, here is the list of names you provided us.  Unfortunately, we have a limited number of spaces, so could you please decide which 20 people you would like us to invite by <instert date here> or I am going to have to make the decision for you.  If you are worried about offending anyone, please dont worry about, we will deal with any fall out.  Love you, Fiance"

    Then follow through.  

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_question-about-involvement-of-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:45f74627-676f-40df-9b88-7fa0c90e92b5Post:fc072a01-e5e6-406a-965b-0f8a2fe1f949">Re: Question about involvement of FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]what I would do is have your Fiance send her an email along this track "Mom, here is the list of names you provided us.  Unfortunately, we have a limited number of spaces, so could you please decide which 20 people you would like us to invite by <instert date here /> or I am going to have to make the decision for you.  If you are worried about offending anyone, please dont worry about, we will deal with any fall out.  Love you, Fiance" Then follow through.  
    Posted by Ilumine[/QUOTE]

    This.  Either she cuts down the list of her son will do it for her.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_question-about-involvement-of-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:45f74627-676f-40df-9b88-7fa0c90e92b5Post:26d2f89e-747a-4120-ac5e-e361f76f7f8b">Re: Question about involvement of FMIL...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you and you FI are paying for the wedding yourselves then you two should get all the control.  Discuss this with your FI and then have your FI talk to his mother and let her know how many people she can invite. 
    Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  Its nice to include her in some planning and whatnot but you and FI have final say.  If she's going overboard on the invites, remind her you plan on keeping it very small and she needs to knock a few off her list. 
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