MOH ruined bachelorette party

monique026

I apologize in advance, this is a long one.
MOH and I have been friends for 16 years, so when I got engaged I didn't think of anymore besides her to be the MOH. She has always behaved a bit selfishy, but I've always written it off as "that's just how she is" and dealt with it. But over the past year, she's done so much that at this point, the entire WP and FI is so sick of her and doesn't even like her anymore.

My bachelorette party was saturday, and this is what happened:
1st - she went on a wine tasting with one of her college friends that afternoon, so she was already tipsy by the time weall  met up at 6pm to get ready
2nd - once we were in the limo, she b*tched about the type of music I was playing, tellin me to change to to what she liked better
3rd - continued to drink an entire bottle of wine, several beers, and jello shots in the limo
4th - when we arrived at our destination, a place I was SOOOO excited about going to for a week now, she was denied at the door because she was too drunk
5th - when we finally got home for the night (she passed out drunk in the limo on the way home), she screamed at me calling me "an f'ing ungrateful b*tch after this whole party I threw you". All because it was 2am, and I was exhausted and was  going home and taking the girls who had been planning on staying at my house with me.
6th - text messaged me 1/2 hour later to let me know she doesn't think I should marry FI.

I have since spoken to her about it, and even in the light of a sober day still insists she did nothing wrong, and chalks it all up to "I got too drunk - it happens, sorry!" and is just b*tching about how mad she is that people are telling her how inappropriate and mean she was and that they should just butt out, including my fiance.

I mean at this point I don't even know what to do. My wedding is 6 weeks away and I'm just at such a loss and looking for advice!

p.s. FI had his bachelor party the same night, and he came home and adorned himself in all of the girls bachelorette-party wear before coming in the room to make me laugh because he heard what happened and that I was crying my eyes out. i love him!

rknox88

There is no excuse for your MOH behavior.  That was innappropriate and disrespectful but there is not much you can do.  You have spoken with her and let her know that her actions and attitude were not only unappreciated-they were distasteful and hurtful. It seems like this person is very self-centered and immature.  There will be no getting through to her until something life changing happens to her that causes her to have a reality check. 

If it is worth ending a friendship (which to me it would be-I absolutely do not tolerate being treated like that) then you can tell her you will no longer be needing her as a bridesmaid.  However, if you still want to be friends with this person there isn't much else you can do.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-ruined-bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:46ee70c9-f4de-4d85-90a8-3f00aa322dd2Post:92385706-b3ce-4da2-9b85-c5f9a8e52ec6">MOH ruined bachelorette party</a>:
[QUOTE]I apologize in advance, this is a long one. MOH and I have been friends for 16 years, so when I got engaged I didn't think of anymore besides her to be the MOH. She has always behaved a bit selfishy, but I've always written it off as "that's just how she is" and dealt with it. But over the past year, she's done so much that at this point, the entire WP and FI is so sick of her and doesn't even like her anymore. My bachelorette party was saturday, and this is what happened: 1st - she went on a wine tasting with one of her college friends that afternoon, so she was already tipsy by the time weall  met up at 6pm to get ready 2nd - once we were in the limo, she b*tched about the type of music I was playing, tellin me to change to to what she liked better 3rd - continued to drink an entire bottle of wine, several beers, and jello shots in the limo 4th - when we arrived at our destination, a place I was SOOOO excited about going to for a week now, she was denied at the door because she was too drunk 5th - when we finally got home for the night (she passed out drunk in the limo on the way home), she screamed at me calling me "an f'ing ungrateful b*tch after this whole party I threw you". All because it was 2am, and I was exhausted and was  going home and taking the girls who had been planning on staying at my house with me. 6th - text messaged me 1/2 hour later to let me know she doesn't think I should marry FI. I have since spoken to her about it, and even in the light of a sober day still insists she did nothing wrong, and chalks it all up to "I got too drunk - it happens, sorry!" and is just b*tching about how mad she is that people are telling her how inappropriate and mean she was and that they should just butt out, including my fiance. I mean at this point I don't even know what to do. My wedding is 6 weeks away and I'm just at such a loss and looking for advice! p.s. FI had his bachelor party the same night, and he came home and adorned himself in all of the girls bachelorette-party wear before coming in the room to make me laugh because he heard what happened and that I was crying my eyes out. i love him! :)
Posted by monique026[/QUOTE]

<div>She got smashed and said stupid things, which she apologized. Not that I am defending her because her getting smashed before hand was not a mature thing to do but this is an easy question that you need to answer. </div><div>
</div><div>Do you want to end the friendship over her stupid night?</div><div>
</div><div>If you do not, then take a few days to calm down and let it go. Chalk it up as the one big stupid mistake your friend did in which you have to get passed.</div><div>
</div><div>If you are questioning if you want to be friends with her, then wait a week or 2 and then decide, maybe give a heart to heart that her actions really hurt you. Then make the final decision if you want the friendship to continue or end, if it ends then she will know that she is out of the wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>Sounds like you still have some raw hurt feelings in which I suggest waiting a few days to cool off and get a clear head when making a decision.</div>

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Your fiance is excellent.  Keeper

Sorry about your maid of honor, though.  That bites.  Honestly - she sounds like a nightmare, but she's only making herself out to be the asshole.  I'd just let her be the MOH, and after the wedding, drop her.  If she wants to contact you and talk to you, I'd oblige - but other than that, you don't need toxic people like that in your life.  Seriously.  It's a shame that after being close friends for so many years she could act that way and talk to you in that manner - but if she was a true friend, she'd at the VERY least apologize profusely (and sincerely) for her behavior, and not act that way again.  Unfortunately, I don't see that happening.

Some people aren't worth your time.  Just don't worry or stress about her.  Your other bridesmaids sound like stand-up great girls and they will take care of you and be there for you at your wedding.  If the maid of honor wants to be a douche bag, then - eff her.

melissamc2

Being drunk is never an excuse for anything.  In fact, I almost always write off people who use it as an excuse, because they are rarely actual friends and are merely people wanting to do whatever they feel like and shirk off the consequences of those actions.

She chose how to behave that evening.  To me, she also chose whether she wants to be an active, positive part of your life - which she does not.

I know I'm not very easy going about things like this, but I'd tell her exactly how I feel, distance myself from her immediately and, much to the chagrin, dismay, and horror of many on this site - I'd remove her from my wedding party.  Her text stated that she's not supportive of the marriage and someone who isn't has no business standing up there beside you during your ceremony - because it would be a lie.

Good luck.  I'm sorry your "friend," has become anything but.  Your other friends and fiance sound great, though.  Congratulations on your wedding.

hd7694

I am in complete agreement with Melissa.  Especially about the fact that she is not supportive of this marriage.  I too, would absolutely tell her what I thought of her attitude.

Ask yourself a couple of questions:
Will she drink before the ceremony? (Not a "well, I don't think she would') Be honest!
Will she get drunk at the reception?
Would she say something about her dislike for this relationship at the wedding?
If drinking, will she represent herself in a mature manner?

If you answer yes to any one of these questions, I would reconsider the friendship!

muamanda18

I completely agree with hd. She sounds a bit self centered and I'm worried for you that she'll get hammered at your wedding, make a scene, and take away from your special day.

Is she worth it?
Do you want someone like this as your friend?

I think you need to sit her down and be completely honest with her. If she still doesn't seem to care or understand where you are coming from, it may be best to move on.

Good luck.

526SadieSadie

Honestly, maybe I have crappier friends than you do (entirely possible) but there's nothing that you listed that would have ruined my night.  If she was too drunk, leave her ass in the limo and go into the club.  Nobody can ruin your night unless you let them.  What she in A-1 awesome MOH mode? Of course not, but you said it yourself that she's selfish.  What made you think she would be different for your party?

kpwedkk

I agree with AutumnFair - give it a few days to simmer down, your MOH did apologize to you, and count yourself lucky in that regard.  Are you going to let 16 years of friendship go down the toilet for a mistake amongst your bridesmaids...  It wasn't before your family, friends and guests, and she was drunk, there wasn't an accident, and no one lost a limb.

Even after these mistakes, do you think that you had a good time regardless?

Muffin'sMom

Life is long, and we all make mistakes.  Let it go and keep the mimosas to a minimum on the wedding day!

jaclyndoherty

I would be pissed! I say you have a bachelorette party re-do and don't invite her!

banana468

I'd be irritated but I'd wait a few days for my own temper to calm down and for hers to calm as well.

Then i'd have a heart to heart.  If this was my best friend, I'd be open to talking to her about how I felt about what she said.

stephdonjon

I've never known a best friend of 16 years to go completely awall from one night of drinking. Are you sure something else didn't happen between you two prior to the day that could have triggered everything?

Of course, by no means am I defending her. I, like a few others have declared, never accept drunkess as an excuse for things like that. Alcohol is an inhibitor. It doesn't create anger or any other emotion; it just makes you more liable to act on those suppressed emotions.

My thoughts: Try talking to her and asking what the hell happened, and if things are cool with you two again. If not, or if you're really just over her, then ditch her. No sense in her raining on you guys' parade. Your FI is a hero, by the way.

MyWedding13

I'm sorry....what a psycho. Hopefully you tried to have fun with others at your party.

bcschuman

I have to say that when I read posts like this one... it bums me out because I only can imagine how you would feel and this is YOUR wedding and all the fun activities for you to enjoy.  When someone else steps in and ruins your experience... that is not cool.

MOH is a terd... no doubt.  I agree also that alcohol in no way is an excuse because she is the one that made the decision to drink before hand at the wine tasting and she is the one that continued to drink like she did.  The only thing responsible for her poor behavior is her... she is the one that took the drinks and she knew what she was doing.

You need to make your experience from here out the best it can be for you and your FI.  If you do not trust her to help you have a great time and be supportive of your marriage... then it is time to maybe reconsider her part in the wedding.