Please help!

aacc

My FMIL offered and bought me a necklace and a pair of earrings for my wedding!  VERY nice gesture!  I appreciate this very much and love the jewelry!  Recently, though, I went to the same department store she purchased the jewelry at to find a birthday gift for a friend and saw a necklace that may go better with my dress and veil.  It is in the same brand and line of jewelry (same details) as the necklace she bought, but has a different style that really may make it perfect for my wedding look.  Just perfect!  The new necklace has 1 of the 2 stones as the original and is more elegant, "wedding" like than the original.

How do I approach this with her?  She is sensitive and takes things personal that are not necessarily personal, but if I explain the situation well I think she'll be fine as I know she wants me to be happy with the wedding - I'm hoping lol.  I think when she sees the new necklace she'll understand and like it too.  I don't mean to be unappreciative, but the new necklace may be perfect! (did I mention that? lol)

I'd like to keep the original necklace that cost $125 (the new one cost $100).  Can I explain the new necklace goes better and give her the $25 difference so she can still say she bought my jewelry (just not physically) and I can keep the original necklace?  Maybe wear it for the reception?  (As for the earrings, if they don't work out with the new necklace, which is a good possibility, she can take them back to the store.)

My dress is not in yet, so I don't know if the new necklace is for sure, but I did try it out with my veil and it looked great!  I got all excited!

How should I break it to her while still showing appreciation?  First, can I even do this?  I'm not a bad person.  Really.  I just want the best look possible. 

regfalange

Maybe if you just approach her nicely and say that you really love what she got you, but you were in the store and saw something that you think might go better.  Then see if you can go to the store together and you can show it to her and exchange it, or tell her that you don't want to get rid of the old one and you'll pay for the new one.  Honesty is the best policy!  And flat out ask her "Are you offended? I don't want to make you feel bad"  Then she knows you are also thinking about her feelings.

Zippy88k

If it were me, I'd keep the necklace she bought me. Long-term relationships are more important than an accessory on one day.

MairePoppy

ditto Zippy.
But I'm sentimental, anyway. I would keep the jewelry my FMIL gave me and wear it for it's intended purpose.

Kate61487

I think if it's REALLY important to you then refalange's method sounds good.  But if it were me I would just keep the original necklace.

aacc

Thank you for all replies.  I will think about it some more.

trix1223

I'm with the others.  Your FMIL will be your MIL for years and years.  She will be the grandmother of your children.  And if you return the necklace she bought you for your wedding, she won't forget that.

In the long run, it's a very small part of your wedding ensemble for you.  But it was a very BIG gesture for her.  And if she is, as you said, very sensitive, then I think you're setting yourself up hurt feelings.

20 years from now, you may not even have that necklace in your jewelry box.  But you'll have a MIL who loves you.

Good luck.

Muffin'sMom

Agree completely with Trix, Retread, Zippy and company.  Relationship should be more important than things...

GoodLuckBear14

Agree with the others.  Is a necklace really so important that you are willing to damage an imprtant relationship for years and years to come?

kmmssg

Agreed with the others.  She lovingly gave you a gift and you have given her the impression you will be wearing it at your wedding.  You really liked it until you came across this other one.  She will be your FMIL forever and to disregard the gift she gave you  (which you liked) will always be something that deeply hurt her feelings.  Please don't do that.

dupless

Without a doubt I would keep the necklace she bought for me... if for no other reason, it was such a nice thing that she did that I would want to remember the one that she picked for me.

blahblah85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:51b85ead-4c4a-44ac-997f-da14f869fc74Post:5fd7037c-0f87-4a3a-a865-1f4bef4684a7">Re: Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with the others.  Your FMIL will be your MIL for years and years.  She will be the grandmother of your children.  And if you return the necklace she bought you for your wedding, she won't forget that. In the long run, it's a very small part of your wedding ensemble for you.  But it was a very BIG gesture for her.  And if she is, as you said, very sensitive, then I think you're setting yourself up hurt feelings. 20 years from now, you may not even have that necklace in your jewelry box.  But you'll have a MIL who loves you. Good luck.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

This.

kd137108

If you really love the new one, you could wear that to the ceremony than switch to her's for the reception. (compromise?) but I agree with the other replies... relationships matter a lot