How Do I Choose Bridesmaids?

julesapops

My fiancé knew right away who he wanted to stand up with him at our wedding.  I, on the other hand, am having a very hard time deciding.  I moved around a lot as a kid and never really built close friendships.  I guess you could say I am a little like the female version of Paul Rudd in "I Love You, Man." I have friends, just not many close friends.  That being said, I am also dealing with friends and family who are very opinionated.  They tell me I am overly concerned with the feelings of others, but in the next sentence they tell me I shouldn't ask so-and-so to be a bridesmaid because of this reason.  I only want to be surrounded by positive people on our wedding day (which excludes those to whom I just referred).  In my wedding party, I only want people who are sincerely happy for me and exude that energy.  Is there an etiquette I should go by when choosing bridesmaids? Or can I just ask whom I want and hope that once I have decided the obnoxious comments will subside?  Any insight on this matter is truly welcomed!  Thank you!

em01092

Don't let other people influence your decision too much. Uneven sides are ok, as are mixed gender WPs (you can ask guys and gals, if you choose). Pick who you want to be beside you. 

You could also keep your attendants to family only if you feel you have "too many" friends to ask them all. That gives you a good "excuse." 

Who all are you contemplating asking? How many relatives/friends?

RaptorSLH

What they said.  Male or female, pick whoever's closest.  That may be family or friends, seven people, one, or none.

lilyly

Find someone you know you can depend on and will be there to assist you. It's a big commitment to be a bridesmaid. The person should also have the time to coordinate with you. You want someone who is also not going to try to take over your wedding. 

Usually the friend that is closest to you in relation or distance. Family is good choice as well. I am like you, I moved around as well and have friends, but not close sadly not close enough to .  My bridesmaid will be family members. 

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]Find someone you know you can depend on and will be there to assist you. It's a big commitment to be a bridesmaid. The person should also have the time to coordinate with you. <div>[/QUOTE]

</div><div>This is standard advice in the wedding industry, but it's bad advice.  The wedding industry has giant list of BM and MOH duties because they want as much of your money as possible, and don't care how much damage they do to your friendships to get it.  There are wedding coordinators you can pay to do this, and you can draft your FI for help.  Other than that, it's nice if a BM offers, but it's not required.  All a BM really has to do is get the dress and stand up for you clean, sober, and smiling on the big day.</div>

smartlypretty

It's 3AM and you are in jail. Who will come bail you out?

scorpgirl1120

Who has called you the most to ask you how you're doing and if you need any help with wedding plans?  Those are the girls that are truly happy for you.

And remember, you don't have to decide today.  Wait a little (unless your wedding is less than 6 months away) until you feel you know who you want to stand next to you.

Grits8812

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_choose-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5213cd46-84f3-496e-b7d8-a1a036570319Post:04cd50ec-dea2-47be-ab74-7854ae672076">Re: How Do I Choose Bridesmaids?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Pretend it's 3 am, and you need to get rid of a body. Who do you trust enough to call?</strong> That's your wedding party. You don't "have" to have bridesmaids, if it comes to that.  Tell all your friends you love them too much to pick and choose from among them.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
That's a pretty good way to pick them.  

melb2013

This is all good advice. 

We chose to have a really small wedding party.  I have no sibling and no cousins my own age.  My fiance has one sister and tons of cousins, so it would be hard to choose just a few.  He couldn't choose a few friends that he would really want in his wedding party. 

I really wanted my close male friend- we've been friends since we were small children.  He's been by my side for all major moments in my life, so I wanted him for my wedding.  He will be my "man of honor" and my fiance's sister will be his "best woman".