Moms and Maids
Options

Would it be...

Wrong to ask my bridesmaids not to cut their hair? I want there hair to be pin curled side ponytails. But I don't want to seem too demanding.

Re: Would it be...

  • Options
    Yes. You get to decide what they wear, you cannot dictate whether or not they cut their hair. If my friend asked me not to cut my hair, I would.

     

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:52f81370-501f-463e-ad90-38b8bd406598Post:71433e36-f6f3-433c-9ff3-1f10afddfc39">Would it be...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wrong to ask my bridesmaids not to cut their hair? I want there hair to be pin curled side ponytails. <strong>But I don't want to seem too demanding.</strong>
    Posted by LnL60810[/QUOTE]

    <div>If this is really true, then don't tell them how to wear their hair, much less not to cut it. Matching hairstyles are super lame. And not everyone's hair is even able to be styled the same way. And frankly, side ponytails are very young-looking and not flattering to most.</div>
    image
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:52f81370-501f-463e-ad90-38b8bd406598Post:6db0d0f3-97c3-46b7-844f-07932203cf74">Re: Would it be...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Would it<strong> be... :</strong> If this is really true, then don't tell them how to wear their hair, much less not to cut it.<strong> Matching hairstyles are super lame.</strong> And not everyone's hair is even able to be styled the same way. And frankly, side ponytails are very young-looking and not flattering to most.
    Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

    I don't agree with this completely. However I do agree you cannot ask someone not to cut their hair.
    image
  • Options
    I have to be honest and say the FIRST thing I think of when I see BM's coming down the aisle in matching hairstyles is that someone was a bridezilla who didn't let her girls look like individuals, she wanted dress up dolls.  It is a super pet peeve of mine.

    Each girl should look like who she is, not a clone.  It would be incredibly wrong to ask them not to cut their hair.  I would drop out of your wedding if you asked that.

    What about asking them to not cut their hair isn't demanding?
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:52f81370-501f-463e-ad90-38b8bd406598Post:19b3e18d-c081-4a4e-ad50-846597578455">Re: Would it be...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I have to be honest and say the FIRST thing I think of when I see BM's coming down the aisle in matching hairstyles is that someone was a bridezilla who didn't let her girls look like individuals, she wanted dress up dolls</strong>.  It is a super pet peeve of mine. Each girl should look like who she is, not a clone.  It would be incredibly wrong to ask them not to cut their hair.  I would drop out of your wedding if you asked that. What about asking them to not cut their hair isn't demanding?
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    I always have the Imperial March from Star Wars in my head when I see this and my thought is "March of the Clones."
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • Options
    GLB!!  Everything good with you and DH today?  Did you have any damage?
  • Options
    I agree with the girls about not telling them to get there haircut, however, explain to them what your thinking of styles and maybe they will see the picture your getting and maybe will keep it long. I have very long hair and on my day of the wedding my girls are all wearing there hair up so now one has the same style as me, sounds b!tchy, yes it is, at least I admit it but my bridesmaid all know about it and are absolutely fine with it! And as for side ponys not being in and looking young, that is soooo wrong!  At least where i live and work (which is a salon), this has been the most popular hair style for every occassion. So I wouldnt techniacally say "dont cut your hair" but just let them know what your thinking and ask if there ok with it.
  • Options
    Of course you can't tell other people what to do with their bodies just because you are getting married!
  • Options
    you can discuss with them you're concept and idea and sort of  suggest or hint it but to require it is a bit drastic.  You can always show them concept of ideas of bridesmaids hair with long hair photos and see what they think, might be a nice way to suggest you'd like them to have long hair without having to ask them.
  • Options
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:52f81370-501f-463e-ad90-38b8bd406598Post:98e0a98c-f382-421b-ad6d-e8761111b1a6">Re: Would it be...</a>:
    [QUOTE]GLB!!  Everything good with you and DH today?  Did you have any damage?
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    We're good; thanks for asking.  No wind damage or flooding.  My office in PA is out of commission though.  DH had to go in.  The Army didn't close his office in NJ even though the Governor is still ordering everyone off the roads.  At least he got to come home before it was too bad yesterday afternoon.

    If you feel like taking a fieldtrip today, we have a 23 year old alleged military woman claiming that symmetry is too important to the military for her to have uneven sides and she's slamming military wives and kids.  Apparently, unless you are in uniform, you have no clue what you are talking about with weddings involving military personnel.

    <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx?plckForumPage=ForumDiscussion&plckDiscussionId=Cat%3aWedding+BoardsForum%3a37Discussion%3abaca0756-be3b-416b-a4de-7397da64da21&plckCategoryCurrentPage=0">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx?plckForumPage=ForumDiscussion&plckDiscussionId=Cat%3aWedding+BoardsForum%3a37Discussion%3abaca0756-be3b-416b-a4de-
    7397da64da21&plckCategoryCurrentPage=0</a>

    ETA  - I see you found the thread without a bat signal.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • Options
    You are not a sovereign nation, therefore you don't get to have a standing army with a uniform code of hair length, nail length, tattoos, etc etc etc. Seriously, matchy matchy is no longer in fashion either, because no one style of hair or clothes flatters every woman. People smile prettier for pictures when they don't feel oppressed and ugly. Keep that in mind.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:52f81370-501f-463e-ad90-38b8bd406598Post:389ec75a-df5f-4b3a-b987-ccc81fe55e7f">Re: Would it be...</a>:
    [QUOTE]you can discuss with them you're concept and idea and sort of  suggest or hint it but to require it is a bit drastic.  You can always show them concept of ideas of bridesmaids hair with long hair photos and see what they think, might be a nice way to suggest you'd like them to have long hair without having to ask them.
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    Once again, looking to treat your friends like props, I see. 
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:52f81370-501f-463e-ad90-38b8bd406598Post:389ec75a-df5f-4b3a-b987-ccc81fe55e7f">Re: Would it be...</a>:
    [QUOTE]you can discuss with them you're concept and idea and sort of  suggest or hint it but to require it is a bit drastic.  You can always show them concept of ideas of bridesmaids hair with long hair photos and see what they think, might be a nice way to suggest you'd like them to have long hair without having to ask them.
    Posted by MeganMichele1989[/QUOTE]

    This is manipulative. Don't do it.

    If you don't want to sound demanding, don't tell them anything about their hair. I agree with PP's that matching hairstyles are lame. Let their personalities show.
  • Options
    ohwhynot85ohwhynot85 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited October 2012
    I will NEVER for the life of me understand brides wanting their bridal party to look so damn uniform. Your friends are your friends because they are their own person right? Now don't you think it's incredibly silly to want to yank them out of their comfort zone whether it be for hair or makeup or the 3 inch heels you insist they all wear for your pretty princess day? Is having their hair pin curled to the side really going to make your nuptials legitimate? NO THEY ARE NOT! This happened to me and the friendship with the bride didn't last after her wedding. She made all the brides maids and the flower girls, yes I said flower girls wear our hair the same way......pipe curls. I kid you not. I felt like a total freaking ass hat at that wedding. And she made us foot the bill. Not to mention the awful drag queen makeup she just needed us all to wear. What looks good on one, DOES NOT look good on all. DO NOT treat your best friends like they are props in your wedding. Let them be their own individual person.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker 

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt189560.aspx" alt=" IAmPregnant Ticker" border="0"  /></a>


      Follow Me on Pinterest
  • Options
    Someone should open a bridesmaid modeling agency. For serious. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker whatshouldwecallweddings.tumblr.com
  • Options
    ohwhynot85ohwhynot85 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:52f81370-501f-463e-ad90-38b8bd406598Post:909c87f8-6484-4446-9859-c9a20fcb1098">Re: Would it be...</a>:
    [QUOTE]ohwhynot, that is one of the worst stories I've read on The Knot. Please got to Etiquette Hell and post that on their bridezilla site. I would have told her to pipe curl her behind and dropped out of the wedding.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]



    It was awful. I had actually broken my foot two months before the wedding and should have backed out of the wedding but I didn't want to disappoint the bride. I flew over 800 miles to be a prop. Oh and she was literally and visibly pissed off that I needed to use my crutches to get down the aisle. Oh wait it gets better, her and her mother were mad at I couldn't wear the matching 3 inch clover color dyed heels like the other 3 maids. I had to wear flats under my long dress. Her mother emailed me on Facebook after the wedding and lost her sh!t on me telling me I ruined her daughters wedding because of it.

    OP, moral of this post..let your girls be themselves. Do not subject them to the hell I was put under from a "friend".
    Wedding Countdown Ticker 

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt189560.aspx" alt=" IAmPregnant Ticker" border="0"  /></a>


      Follow Me on Pinterest
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:52f81370-501f-463e-ad90-38b8bd406598Post:ce099764-f31e-4e25-90fe-e203089e5de0">Re: Would it be...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would it be... : It was awful. I had actually broken my foot two months before the wedding and should have backed out of the wedding but I didn't want to disappoint the bride. I flew over 800 miles to be a prop. Oh and she was literally and visibly pissed off that I needed to use my crutches to get down the aisle. Oh wait it gets better, her and her mother were mad at I couldn't wear the matching 3 inch clover color dyed heels like the other 3 maids. I had to wear flats under my long dress. Her mother emailed me on Facebook after the wedding and lost her sh!t on me telling me I ruined her daughters wedding because of it. OP, moral of this post..let your girls be themselves. Do not subject them to the hell I was put under from a "friend".
    Posted by ohwhynot85[/QUOTE]

    Good lord, what a horrid woman.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • Options
    You cannot dictate what someone does with their own body (this includes, piercings, hair color, hair length, tattoos, etc.).

    I was in a wedding once where I found out the day of the wedding that the bride wanted everyone's hair up.  Well I had pretty short hair and the stylist was having the hardest time getting it to go up and look good.  After about 30 minutes my hair started to fall so it had to be redone.  The bride was pissed because I had to take her MIL spot and the stylist reprimanded me and told me that the next time I was in a wedding I should know not to cut my hair short.

    Needless to say my hair looked like sh&t and I was close to tears because so many people were pissed at me because of my hair.  I was not a happy camper the rest of the day and felt like I looked ugly and that feeling showed in pictures.

    Let your girls be themselves and do what they want with their hair.  You asked them because you love them as they are, so why make them all matchy, matchy dress up dolls now?

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_would-it-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:52f81370-501f-463e-ad90-38b8bd406598Post:0722d883-04a7-495d-a127-4e4993be1c37">Re: Would it be...</a>:
    [QUOTE]You cannot dictate what someone does with their own body (this includes, piercings, hair color, hair length, tattoos, etc.). I was in a wedding once where I found out the day of the wedding that the bride wanted everyone's hair up.  Well I had pretty short hair and the stylist was having the hardest time getting it to go up and look good.  After about 30 minutes my hair started to fall so it had to be redone.  <strong>The bride was pissed because I had to take her MIL spot and the stylist reprimanded me and told me that the next time I was in a wedding I should know not to cut my hair short.</strong> Needless to say my hair looked like sh&t and I was close to tears because so many people were pissed at me because of my hair.  I was not a happy camper the rest of the day and felt like I looked ugly and that feeling showed in pictures. Let your girls be themselves and do what they want with their hair.  You asked them because you love them as they are, so why make them all matchy, matchy dress up dolls now?
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    I would have had a few choice words for both of them (especially the stylist who is supposed to be a professional) and probably couldn't have been nice about it like you were. You're a better woman than me.

    OP you can see the strife something silly like hair can cause to a good friend with Maggie's example. Don't do that to your friends. They aren't props and shouldn't look like clones of each other. I always think of dance/cheerleading teams when I see "clones" for BMs because girls on teams like that always have the exact same outfit, makeup, and hair as well, but for them, it's for a reason (to look more uniform when dancing and some athletic associations require hair to be worn a certain way). This is not appropriate for your nearest and dearest friends who are standing up with you on your wedding day.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • Options
    Thanks guys. I must say some of the replies shed a whole new light on things. LoL. I definitely do NOT want to be a bridezilla and I don't want someone to be miserable. Thanks!!
  • Options
    It's also worth noting that if you do want them to have their hair done (in whatever style they like), you will have to pay for it.
    I was in a very formal, black tie wedding, and the bride wanted us to all have our hair out of our face, but she wasn't specific about it. And SHE footed the bill for everyone to get their hair done.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards