Advice Please!!!!

tha411hun

So me and my FI have been together for about 4 yrs and engaged for about two and I have a really good relationship with his family and mother. I have had a couple probs with her being overbearing and over the top in the past but when I have addressed her about it and those things that made me uncomfortable she has taken it very well and we have been better since. But here is my dilemma. We are getting married in August and having a traditional church wedding and she has a eyebrow piercing that I don't see as being appropriate in church.She's almost 50 and wears it to work (at a professional setting even when they made a rule not to have facial piercings) and to her church. I don't want to mess up what we have going now by asking that of her.  Don't get me wrong, people live how they choose but am I wrong for wanting her to take it out for the wedding ceremony and photos? 

Any advice would be great about handling it. Thanks

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_advice-please-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5357241a-d448-4667-804c-a8dbe8d2d84fPost:f35262d5-8cca-41f7-8995-61573f67d7ec">Advice Please!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So me and my FI have been together for about 4 yrs and engaged for about two and I have a really good relationship with his family and mother. I have had a couple probs with her being overbearing and over the top in the past but when I have addressed her about it and those things that made me uncomfortable she has taken it very well and we have been better since. But here is my dilemma. We are getting married in August and having a traditional church wedding and she has a eyebrow piercing that I don't see as being appropriate in church.She's almost 50 and wears it to work (at a professional setting even when they made a rule not to have facial piercings) and to her church. I don't want to mess up what we have going now by asking that of her.  Don't get me wrong, people live how they choose but <strong>am I wrong for wanting her to take it out for the wedding ceremony and photos?</strong>  Any advice would be great about handling it. Thanks
Posted by tha411hun[/QUOTE]
Yes.  If it is not offensive to the church and they allow it then you have no right to say anything to her about taking it out.  If she wears it all the time then that's a part of her you're going to have to accept.  If she's known to take it out on occasion, although it doesn't sound like she does, then you can politely ask if she plans to wear it to the wedding.  If she says yes then drop the subject.

Summer2011Bride

If it isn't against the Church dress code or anything then no, you can't ask her to remove it. Honestly, if it's a small stud or hoop, you may not even notice it in pics that aren't close up. This is not a battle worth fighting, especially if your relationship is already strained at times.

mcskatcat

Unless the church says it's not allowed, it is really not your place to be so judgy about her appearance.  And while you might not want to look at it that way - that's what it is.  You're worried her appearance will reflect on you somehow, and it won't. 

Leave it be.  She might take it out of her own accord, and if not who cares?  She's your soon-to-be MIL, not a model. 

Meghannsix

At my first wedding, my MIL wore sunglasses the entire day, in the church, for pictures, etc.  And no, she had not just had eye surgery or anything that would require her to have them on.  We still laugh about it, wonder if she was high or hungover.  It will only reflect on her, not you, if it reflects at all.  Facial piercings are not my thing, but I don't really care if others have them.  Relax, it will be fine.

MairePoppy

That would be very rude to ask her to remover her piercings.

When you look back at your wedding pictures (which I rarely do), you will want to see your loved ones as they really were back in the old days.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_advice-please-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5357241a-d448-4667-804c-a8dbe8d2d84fPost:f35262d5-8cca-41f7-8995-61573f67d7ec">Advice Please!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So me and my FI have been together for about 4 yrs and engaged for about two and I have a really good relationship with his family and mother. I have had a couple probs with her being overbearing and over the top in the past but when I have addressed her about it and those things that made me uncomfortable she has taken it very well and we have been better since. But here is my dilemma. We are getting married in August and having a traditional church wedding and she has a eyebrow piercing that I don't see as being appropriate in church.She's almost 50 and wears it to work (at a professional setting even when they made a rule not to have facial piercings) and to her church. I don't want to mess up what we have going now by asking that of her.  Don't get me wrong, people live how they choose but am I wrong for wanting her to take it out for the wedding ceremony and photos?  Any advice would be great about handling it. Thanks
Posted by tha411hun[/QUOTE]

Yes, it would be wrong of you to ask her to remove it.  She is a grown woman and it is her body.  Please do not ask her to alter it in any way to accommodate you and your needs.

mbody

Please don't ask her to remove it. It's not right to ask people to alter their appearance for a wedding or pictures. If she wears it all the time, then it's esentially a part of her.

tha411hun

Thank you for the insightful responses. The majority of you have given me a new perspective and I appreciate it.