both sides of family acting like guests

lumilumi

Only 25 days left until the wedding!

As the bride, I am feeling stressed out because both sides of the family seem very uninterested in the wedding.  Dads don't want to go get fitted.  Moms are not asking questions.  SIL-to-be was only excited to show us her kids' attire.  BM only care about how they will look with their dresses and shoes/hair and makeup.

I just want somebody to ask me or my fiance how wedding planning is going..am I asking for too much attention??  I was doing so good at ignoring this until recently.  I thought things will change once the wedding is closer...

I should be the happiest bride right now because my wedding is around the corner!

AJuliaNJ

Congratulations! 25 days: how exciting!

I think they are all excited in their own way, but they have other interests/worries in their life that they need to balance it with. Nobody is going to be as excited as your wedding as you and your fiance.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_both-sides-of-family-acting-like-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:542ea428-c7f8-4b25-b925-5d8e150b68b2Post:928db529-a4cc-4a2b-81c6-3769c2891070">both sides of family acting like guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Only 25 days left until the wedding! As the bride, I am feeling stressed out because both sides of the family seem very uninterested in the wedding.  <strong>Dads don't want to go get fitted.  Moms are not asking questions.  SIL-to-be was only excited to show us her kids' attire. </strong> <strong>BM only care about how they will look with their dresses and shoes/hair and makeup.</strong> I just want somebody to ask me or my fiance how wedding planning is going..am I asking for too much attention??  I was doing so good at ignoring this until recently.  I thought things will change once the wedding is closer... I should be the happiest bride right now because my wedding is around the corner!
Posted by beverlyluis[/QUOTE]

<div>Getting fitted is not that fun of an experience, so there's that. Moms probably figure you'll TELL them what's going on. That's b/c kids' attire is always adorable. Everybody loves that. What else do you really want them to care about, honestly?  </div><div>
</div><div>Nobody will ever care about your wedding as much as you. Also, some people may just not ask b/c they honestly think leaving you alone about it is the best course of action so they don't seem like they are bugging you about it. Sometimes, people got on my nerves with asking me about the wedding. Don't let other peoples' lack of interest diminish YOUR enjoyment of the planning process. </div>

melb2013

Be happy nobody's causing trouble.  My in laws are nightmare.  They've literally put us through the ringer and back, that all led up to a huge blow up and us basically reevaluating their place in our lives.  

FMIL and FSIL ask us all the time how the wedding planning is going because they find it incomprehensible that someone could get married without complaining every day about how stressful the experience is.  FSIL likes to specifically ask "are you stressed out from wedding planning?" to which my FI always replies, "no, it's all going smoothly thank you".

I'm sure if you want to talk to the mothers about the wedding, they'd be receptive.  Otherwise, they are doing their job and keeping their noses out of it.  I agree with everything Addie said about what they are probably thinking. 

MairePoppy

I'm a recent MOB. I was very excited about the wedding, but didn't want to be intrusive, so I kept my questions to things that I needed to know about. Maybe your moms are doing the same. My husband and sons hate shopping so they weren't very interested in buying/getting fitted for suits. They definitely didn't care about details, other than the open bar.

It seems normal to me for the bms main concern to be about their appearances. They want to look good for your wedding and those pictures that will last forever. If they've never planned a wedding, they probably don't know what to ask about.

Also, some people aren't that interested in weddings. We are. That's why we hang around after our weddings are over. Tell us about your wedding. What does your dress look like? What are your colors? Are you writing your own vows? Are you nervous about anything?

To reassure you, once the big day arrived, everyone was excited and had a fantastic time at the wedding.

lumilumi

Thanks for the responses ladies. 

I understand and have thought about the above reasons...I think I was expecting more because we have discussed about details and some have promised to help out either physically or financially but haven't done so or yet have any mentions.

As for the bms not knowing because they've never planned a wedding... if they've agreed to be in the wedding party, they should at least understand their role and be responsible for their responsibilities they agreed upon.

It's difficulty to explain...I honestly feel that they are not there for me.
I hope I am wrong and that everybody will be excited that day.

ShannonEM

its very likely that, as other people have mentioned, they might be trying not to be pushy.  My FMIL has seemed so disinterested I was beginning to take it personally.  Not because I think the wedding itself matters so much, but I worried she wasn't happy her son and I were marrying at all.  However, we visited them in the fall and she made a comment about trying not to be too demanding like some people and I realized that was likely most of the cause.  She's trying not to be a pushy FMIL and now I try to view it like that and appreciate it.  

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_both-sides-of-family-acting-like-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:542ea428-c7f8-4b25-b925-5d8e150b68b2Post:a3dbb8e0-3d6a-4db1-9b28-bab8a20dc64a">Re: both sides of family acting like guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the responses ladies.  I understand and have thought about the above reasons...I think I was expecting more because we have discussed about details and some have promised to help out either physically or financially but haven't done so or yet have any mentions. <strong>As for the bms not knowing because they've never planned a wedding... if they've agreed to be in the wedding party, they should at least understand their role and be responsible for their responsibilities they agreed upon.</strong> It's difficulty to explain...I honestly feel that they are not there for me. I hope I am wrong and that everybody will be excited that day.
Posted by beverlyluis[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Unless you had them sign contracts stating otherwise, their only "role" is to buy the dress and show up wearing it. </div><div>
</div><div>I've been a bridesmaid several times and I've never been particulary excited about it. Sure I was happy for the bride and groom but it's just another day for me - a day where I have to spend all day sitting around with a bunch of other women and worry about my hair and makeup with the bride and her mom stressing out. It's not a ton of fun. Not that I'm the norm, but like PPs said, no one will be as excited about this as you. </div><div>
</div><div>I think you need to get over this and focus on the wedding and your fiance. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

lumilumi

Unfortunately verbal agreements are no longer valid in the world today.  One of my BM, which is also my SIL-to-be volunteered to do things that she has not and will not do.  My only problem is that she volunteered from the beginning to do them and didn't follow through.

Plus, even when I go to them for suggestions...they just tell me "I don't care" or "whatever you want".  They are really not pushy to the point that they can't even give me answers.

RetreadBride....Thank you for thinking on the brighter side.  I am sure everything will be a surprise for everyone on the wedding day. 

Regardless, I am still very excited about the wedding because at the end, it's all about me and fiance.  I do know that.  We support each other very much.  I am just hoping for a little more support from the families.

Simply Fated

<div>"both sides of family acting like guests"</div><div>Well, aren't they guests? Are they helping to host?</div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_both-sides-of-family-acting-like-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:542ea428-c7f8-4b25-b925-5d8e150b68b2Post:d42f2327-fd1c-4b1b-95e5-ea5c0dc2f51f">Re: both sides of family acting like guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Unfortunately verbal agreements are no longer valid in the world today.  One of my BM, which is also my SIL-to-be volunteered to do things that she has not and will not do.  My only problem is that she volunteered from the beginning to do them and didn't follow through. Plus, even when I go to them for suggestions...<strong>they just tell me "I don't care" or "whatever you want".</strong>  They are really not pushy to the point that they can't even give me answers. RetreadBride....Thank you for thinking on the brighter side.  I am sure everything will be a surprise for everyone on the wedding day.  Regardless, I am still very excited about the wedding because at the end, it's all about me and fiance.  I do know that.  We support each other very much.  I am just hoping for a little more support from the families.
Posted by beverlyluis[/QUOTE]

<div>They don't care. Do what ever you want. It sounds like my dream wedding planning situation. I envy you. Enjoy it!</div>