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Maid Of Honor Help

Stjohn0614Stjohn0614
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
So, I asked my best friend to be my MOH, she was so stoked! And even though I knew she was thinking about moving out of state it was not 100% deal. Well....shorty after we got engaged she decided it was a for sure thing. I think she felt guilty because she told me that she wouldn't move so she could be here becasue she felt guilty. I of course wanted her to stay (and told her so), but told her that she couldn't give up her dream of moving for me (god forbid anything happend I would feel horrible!).  So she moved....  Its hard having her so far away.
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Re: Maid Of Honor Help

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    MeghannsixMeghannsix member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Don't be confused, here's my take on your situation:
    1) demoting her or putting out of the WP is a friendship ending move, tread very carefully, and
    2) the only thing she's required to do as MOH is show up sober, looking nice, and maybe hold your bouquet, FI's ring, sign the marriage certificate.

    If I were in your situation, I would keep her as MOH, because she's probably the closest friend I have right now, and maybe start looking into where she can stay when she comes back for the wedding. 

    Good luck
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You're misunderstanding the role of MOH, Stjohn.  Your MOH is the person who is closest to you.  She is not your unpaid wedding planner.  She has no responsibilities as far as discussing wedding planning or details with you.  Don't assign someone else as co-MOH in order to get their help planning your wedding.



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    Stjohn0614Stjohn0614
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am not expecting her to "do" everything by any means. Its just hard because she isn't here to help give imput or be my support.  I email her all the time with ideas, but its hard to share them just over the phone or email. She most likely wont be here to help with the bridal shower, and possibly not even the bachelorette party. I can plan the wedding myself, but I like opinions and its really hard not having her here or her support or to help me find a dress. I have lots of great family and friends who will help if i need it, but I think i am just missing her....
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It's understandable that you miss your best friend. She can still your MOH because the only things she really has to do are buy the dress (make sure you consult her on the cost before you shop) and show up for your wedding ceremony.

    If you have other friends and relatives that are interested in talking about and planning your wedding, by all means, include them. And your fi should be helping you with the planning, also.
                       
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:557d3c7a-d5b5-4b9d-b4d0-75fafb5a1ac5Post:b681cb00-48bf-47d6-bbcd-23ade6c354c1">Re: Maid Of Honor Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am not expecting her to "do" everything by any means.<strong> Its just hard because she isn't here to help give imput or be my support</strong>.  I email her all the time with ideas, but its hard to share them just over the phone or email. <strong>She most likely wont be here to help with the bridal shower, and possibly not even the bachelorette party</strong>. I can plan the wedding myself, but I like opinions and its really hard not having her here or her support or to help me find a dress. I have lots of great family and friends who will help if i need it, but I think i am just missing her....
    Posted by Stjohn0614[/QUOTE]

    <div>If you need help or support (which you shouldn't need support since this is a happy occassion not something sad, such as a death of a family member) then turn to your FI.  It is yours and his wedding so the two of you should be working on planning your wedding together.</div><div>
    </div><div>She is not required to plan you bridal shower or bach party.  In fact these parties are not required at all.  Any body can offer to throw you a party but no one is required to.</div><div>
    </div><div>I know it sucks that she isn't here but you can still talk with her on the phone and send her lots of pictures.  When you go dress shopping take pics and send them to her and ask her opinions.  When you find ideas online send her the links and see what she thinks.  There is still plenty of ways to get her input.  You need to deal with the situation as it is and not keep wishing it was different.</div>

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Oh and your MOH should be your closest and dearest friend/family member...not the person volunteering and doing the most for your wedding.

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    KarenofcourseKarenofcourse member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A friend moving far away from you can change the dynamics of a friendship.  A MOH is onl required to show up to your wedding dressed how you requested, hold your flowers, ring and in some states, sign marriage license.  That is it.  She is to be your nearest and dearest, not unpaid help.  With the ability to email photos, websites, IM, it is very easy to communicate with people who are not with you. 

    You say you can plan the wedding and have a great family and friends.  I don't think your expectations of the MOH are what the MOH duties are.  Please don't move her to a BM-she has done nothing wrong.  If you have asked her to be your MOH and you make her a BM, this makes you look bad no matter how you try to explain this.
     
    If you must have an opinion and do not feel the above methods of communications are good enough, ask your FI.   After all, it is his wedding and that is whose opinion, along with yours should count. 
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:557d3c7a-d5b5-4b9d-b4d0-75fafb5a1ac5Post:b681cb00-48bf-47d6-bbcd-23ade6c354c1">Re: Maid Of Honor Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am not expecting her to "do" everything by any means.<strong> Its just hard because she isn't here to help give imput or be my support. </strong> I email her all the time with ideas, but its hard to share them just over the phone or email. She most likely wont be here to help with the bridal shower, and possibly not even the bachelorette party. I can plan the wedding myself, but I like opinions and its really hard not having her here or her support or to help me find a dress. I have lots of great family and friends who will help if i need it, but I think i am just missing her....
    Posted by Stjohn0614[/QUOTE]
    Again, not her job. 

    It's nice that you're missing your friend, and I understand that you wish she could be there to bounce ideas off of, but it's still not her job to be your wedding helper.  Is there someone else nearby who likes wedding planning and would want to give you feedback?  And are you turning to your FI for these sorts of things?



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    PjSj100811PjSj100811
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Usually your MOH wants to help with the wedding but they want to help with your wedding because she is your best friend.  Sounds like you are running into the same situation as my MOH ran into.  Your MOH wants to help you but she's got alot going on in her life, so she is unable to. 

    My MOH wanted to help me out as much as she could be she ended up getting pregnant and had a horrible first trimester of her pregnancy, so she wasn't able to help me as much as she wanted to.  The key word here though is help as much as SHE wanted to, I did not expect her to help me with anything. 

    Don't expect your WP to help with your wedding, if they offer that is great!  but remember everyone has a life outside of your wedding and don't expect them to put that life on hold. 
    God's Will never takes you where the Grace of God will not protect you
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    mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:557d3c7a-d5b5-4b9d-b4d0-75fafb5a1ac5Post:e24258ac-89c7-41ef-a417-d35270901d95">Re: Maid Of Honor Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid Of Honor Help : If you need help or support (which you shouldn't need support since this is a happy occassion not something sad, such as a death of a family member) then turn to your FI.  It is yours and his wedding so the two of you should be working on planning your wedding together. She is not required to plan you bridal shower or bach party.  In fact these parties are not required at all.  Any body can offer to throw you a party but no one is required to. I know it sucks that she isn't here but you can still talk with her on the phone and send her lots of pictures.  When you go dress shopping take pics and send them to her and ask her opinions.  When you find ideas online send her the links and see what she thinks.  There is still plenty of ways to get her input.  You need to deal with the situation as it is and not keep wishing it was different.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This. 100%.

    </div>
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