Moms and Maids

Re: Customs

  • Relax. She hasn't backed out, and if she does, as a friend you should try to understand that her career is her life, your wedding is one day that is incredibly important to YOU (and her as well, I'm sure), but will not impact the rest of HER life as it will yours.
    You do nothing. You wait. If she is able to still make it and stand beside you as your MOH, awesome. If not, then you simply do not have a MOH. There is really no other way to deal with the situation.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-backed-out-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:57e07b40-7332-4850-a628-280ebe23ebfaPost:7a5689a1-77aa-4c4a-a3a8-0354a5a1986a">MOH backed out</a>:
    [QUOTE]My MOH is in theatre.  I know how important this is to her.  Before I asked her to be my MOH I told her that I would understand if she couldn't because of work.  I told her I would be sad but move forward.  She told me that nothing would stop her from being there and being my MOH. I just found out that she applied for a position in another province and it will conflict with our wedding.  She says she is divided between me and her career.  I wouldn't be so hurt if she had been offered the job, but she applied.  She know tells me that while she migt turn that one down if offered, the date of the wedding will really impact her chances.  She wants me to be on hold til March (May wedding) to see what happens. She doesn't even have the decency to talk to me, just emails. She is a self-promoting, self serving individual and her emails make me look like I'm not understanding and sympathetic to her position.  I gave her every opportunity to say no gracefully... I am so hurt and my family is so mad at her and our families are life-long friends. Any thoughts.
    Posted by gige55[/QUOTE]

    Wow! That's a scathing assessment of your friend's character.

    You shouldn't expect your friend to put her life on hold for your wedding. She has applied for an opportunity that wasn't available at the time that you asked her to be your MOH. You should be encouraging her.
                       
  • Do you honestly believe that being your MOH for a day ought to be more important to your friend than a potential new job? Why in earth should she hold off on applying for jobs to promote her career just because you're getting married 9 months from now? Your post reflects poorly on your character, not at all on your friend's. Hell, I applied for, and took, a new job 6 weeks before my own wedding. Life will go on, I promise.

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  • First of all, why in holy hell are your families involved in this? You are presumably two grown women working out an issue between the two of you, it was immature and downright schitty of whoever called in the cavalry to get anyone else involved. Second of all, NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET. YOU ARE FREAKING OUT ABOUT A NONEVENT. Even if your friend does get the job and moves, there is nothing your friend, as MOH, needs to do or be involved with that can't be changed two months out. Two months is plenty of time for you to cancel her bouquet if she can't make it, and plenty of time for her to rush order a BM dress if she can make it. Chill. Out.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2012
    What if she can't be there?  Seriously, stop and think about this.  What if she's not there?  What do you think will happen?  The truth is that nothing will happen that wasn't going to happen all ready.

    Being a MOH is a ceremonial position.  She walks down the aisle before you, she holds your bouquet, and then follows you back out again.  Her being there or not being there does NOT make or break your marriage.  It might make you sad that she had to miss it, but it certainly won't effect the wedding ceremony.

    Please, try to put this in perspective.  Go about your plans as if she were your MOH.  If, at the last minute, she has to back out, wish her well and move along.  You don't NEED a MOH and the idea of replacements is completely unnecessary.  Everything she would've done during the ceremony can be picked up by others.

    Try to relax.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2012
    You went ahead and purchased her trip because she told you that she absolutely would be attending your wedding. Now she has changed her mind - she might go to your wedding, unless she gets a part in some play, somewhere. She has told you that she is actively pursuing that goal. Right? Let her know, by email and by phone, that you will not be able to hold her reservations for her, since she is uncertain that she will be able to attend your wedding. Give her the information that she will need if she decides to book the trip at a later date.

    Make  sure you wish her well in pursuing her dream. Please leave out the derisive comments about her career.





                       
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