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Visions of white...

I'm getting married next month. My grandmother bought an off white jacket and dress outfit. I was surprised, but it had a fair amount of color in the accents. My mother bought a white pantsuit with a pale pink shirt she has helpfully informed me is slightly see through. (My own dress is ivory.)

I had spent months making kind, open ended, non-pressuring suggestions for stores, colors, styles, etc all while trying to expand my own (overly formal?) idea of what was suitable so Mom would feel comfortable in what she wore. I didn't exactly make an impression.

Now my mother wants to walk me down the aisle in a bright white pantsuit.

Is this normal? How have other brides managed to 'get over it?'

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Re: Visions of white...

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    McKenna2012McKenna2012 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This kind of thing just doesn't bother me.
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    blush64blush64 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am not really traditional in most aspects but I really hate when people other than the bride wear white (or close) to a wedding. It just seems like they want to be talked about, good or bad.

    I don't think it's normal but maybe they aren't looking at it that way. It seems as though they should know better but I don't know if there is anything you can really do. You will be wearing the wedding dress and if anyone thinks anything it won't be about you. Let it go and have a great wedding day

    I don't care what anyone will wear to my wedding but I would think the person wanted attention if they showed up in white. I just wouldn't give them any. So although I hate people wearing white to a wedding I am certainly not going to care what people wear to mine. (unless they are dressed for trashy, I will speak up because I do believe you should dress respectful of your company and my children will be there)

    Just try not to think about it.
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    BunniKakesBunniKakes member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Hey, if it doesn't bother you, I'm honestly envious. Part of what I'm working on here is being more relaxed about the details. For some people, it comes naturally.

    I'm just trying to figure out how to get there. It's more constructive than screaming 'OMG MY DAY! MY DAY!1!1!!! I'M A PRINCESS!'

    I suppose I'm also asking - am I accurate in that this is rather unusual? I know black has moved into the territory of acceptable. (FI's sister is wearing it and will look great.) But MOB in white seems a little less common.

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    edited December 2011
    It is less common, but it happens.  My SIL wore an ivory dress to her daughters wedding with rose colored accessories.  Her daughters dress was white.  Both looked lovely.  If your grandma did and now your mom is, it sounds like a family thing?

    Really, there is nothing you can do that will not come off sounding selfish.  We all have our own parameters...I would never have worn any shade of white or black at all.  My grandmother would have sent lightning to strike me down.

    The ship has sailed...move on to something else.
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    McKenna2012McKenna2012 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I think it probably is a bit unusual, so you're not wrong to be taken aback by it.It just isn't the kind of detail that I would let myself get worried over b/c much bigger things than that could go wrong!  Be glad your mom will be there at all. My mother is deceased, so I'd rather she be there in a white pantsuit than not at all. 
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    edited December 2011

    I have a feeling that bringing it up will cause a big stink. If you don't want that I would move on.

    But it would bother me as well. I do feel like people who wear white to weddings are seeking attention.

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    BunniKakesBunniKakes member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    McKenna2012 , I completely understand and I'm sure that will be a void in your day. I'm sorry you have to experience that. I know the pain of losing a parent myself.
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    edited December 2011
    My grandmother wore an off white skirt and jacket with an off white top. I didn't even realize it till I was looking at pictures many weeks later, I was so wrapped up in the day and the fun I was having then about who was wearing what. It just doesn't matter in the end, so why start a fight?
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Will it stop you from being married?  Will it matter one single day after the wedding?  Then why are you letting it bother you?  You need some perspective.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    HippinhipsterHippinhipster member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would actually be a bit bothered if someone wore white to my wedding lol I have to say though I think it would be less of a big deal if your dress was white and your mom was wearing off white... but with your dress being ivory and her in stark white and with her walking right next to you down the aisle... might just look a little off. I'm not sure I'd bring it up to my mom or ask her to choose another outfit... but I would be a little upset inside
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    edited December 2011
    I noticed on an old friend of mine from 8 years ago had on her Facebook pics from weddings she went to. There was about 6 different weddings and in every wedding, as a guest, she wore a different white dress to each one. They were all cocktail length, but it seems a little odd.  maybe 1 or 2 out of 6 weddings is an accident, but wearing white to all and they're different dresses screams i want attention. I just thought it was funny and I had to share
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    HippinhipsterHippinhipster member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I actually went to a wedding today and the brides sister inlaw was in a white dress I was probably the only one that noticed though
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    edited December 2011
    Diane Keaton wore Ivory/White in Father of the Bride and it looked gorgeous and did not all detract from the bride.

    Just sayin'
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    shoebieshoebie member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If someone wears white to my wedding i will personally tell them to leave! 
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    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's normal and would tell your mom that it makes you uncomfortable that she plans on wearing white. IMO, it's your mom, you can talk to her about anything right? The see-through top also sounds a little odd. There are so many other gorgeous colors for her to wear that day and white/ivory should be for the bride. Guess I'm pretty traditional in that sense. My dad's mom wore white to my parents wedding and my mom still talks about it, 28 years later! ;-)
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    lanejanelanejane member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just don't think it's appropriate. The bride should be the only person in anything close to white. You need to stand out. I just can't understand why she would choose that color.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_visions-of-white?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:581ee99a-f9eb-4cc3-b284-710869b74150Post:2aa8fdaf-845b-4668-a57b-987da8287fb4">Re: Visions of white...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If someone wears white to my wedding i will personally tell them to leave! 
    Posted by shoebie420[/QUOTE]
    And if that happens, instead of your guests remembering the great party that you put so much hard work into, they'll remember what a major jerk you were, and that's all they'll talk about for years to come.  Have fun with that.

    Honestly, I was too focused on my husband and the happy buzz of getting married to really be aware of what anyone was wearing.  I feel really bad for people who let little things like that get to them, because they clearly don't have their priorities straight.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    edited December 2011

    A cousin of mine sent her wedding invitations with a note that asked her guests to wear black, white, silver or grey; not something I would have done in a million years, but to each thier own. Personally, I don't particularly care what my guests or my wedding party wear to my wedding (with the possible exception of my FI and MOH) as long as they show up. As far as standing out--- you're the bride. You'll stand out quite a bit anyway, since you're the one in the dress saying "I do".


    If it makes you that uncomfortable, then you should mention it, but I wouldn't care if my mother wore a garbage bag if it made her feel beautiful.  

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    edited December 2011
    I feel like it is in very poor taste for anyone except the bride to wear white at a wedding. But I'm pretty traditional in most of my veiws. I would also be uncomfortable if my mom's shirt were "sort of see through" at any public event, EVER. And I LOVE my mother. Maybe your mom doesn't do the subtlety thing? If your hints were unsuccessful and it's still bothering you, talk to her about it frankly. Something like, "Mom, I love you, and I want you to be comfortable at my wedding, but I am currently uncomfortable with the outfit you've chosen. I think it's a great outfit, but not exactly appropriate for a MOB." As far as "getting over it," if it's really gonna make you uncomfortable, this is your best option. At the very least, she'll know how you feel.
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    edited December 2011
    Honestly, I'd rather people wore white than black to my wedding.
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    mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This might bother me a little but, but honestly on my wedding day I wouldn't notice what other people were wearing.
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    edited December 2011

    that's wack.  i would not let anyone wear white to my wedding!

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    edited December 2011
    I saw a wedding once where all the bridesmaids wore white,  the groomsmen wore white, the preacher wore white - and it looked really good. The bride's dress was more extravagant than everyone else's so you had no doubt who the bride was. She was gorgeous. I think the parents and grandparents wore white too. It was a gorgeous wedding. 
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    kaijasmomkaijasmom member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Tell them both, if your grandma is not super elderly that you hope they kept the reciept cuz they are taking that stuff back! And give them 3 styles and colors that are acceptable.  Its your day, not theirs.
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    edited December 2011
    My mother bought a wedding dress to wear to my sister's wedding. Though my sister wore white and hers was ivory....it was still a wedding dress

    I may have to bop someone if they pull that at my wedding!

    As long as they are in pantsuits and a formal dress and not a wedding dress, I think its ok.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_visions-of-white?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:581ee99a-f9eb-4cc3-b284-710869b74150Post:0b1e6483-d5ce-40a6-b450-a7c55e462ca8">Re: Visions of white...</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mother bought a wedding dress to wear to my sister's wedding. Though my sister wore white and hers was ivory....it was still a wedding dress I may have to bop someone if they pull that at my wedding! As long as they are in pantsuits and a formal dress and not a wedding dress, I think its ok.
    Posted by fluffymunky[/QUOTE]

    oh wow....I would have taken a can of spray paint and a blow torch to that dress before the wedding if I was your sister. I couldn't care less for the most part what guests wear, but if someone showed up in a wedding dress I WOULD ask them to leave as that is SERIOUS disrespect.
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    edited December 2011
    I was just at a wedding where there was an older woman guest who wore a two piece white lace dress. She clearly just didn't know that you weren't supposed to do this. It almost looked like her wedding dress from back in the day when she got married!
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    edited December 2011
    If you dont like it I dont think its out of line to tell her but  thats only if you dont like it  dont worry about what other ppl think is traditional or acceptable this day is to celebrate love with your family and friends you shouldnt be uncomfortable but dont feel you have to conform either. I'm kinda getting it to with my mom because shes our officiant and she bought a dress that is terrible against the groomsmen/bridesmaids and us. Normally I could care what she would wear but she insisted on doing the wedding and then when our wedding colors are peacock themed (you have to love that blue) Shes picked something that looks like dirty light blue/ grey  that looks like some crafty senior citizen bedazzled the hell out of it. I hope it works out for you
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    Joie3MJoie3M member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She's your mum, she loves you. Let her know how you feel. And even if it isn't her intent, tell her its seems she's trying to upstage you, and you would appreciate her changing to a different color.
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    JerseyMLJerseyML member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In my circle it would be completely outrageous for someone, other than the bride, to wear white or anything near the color white at a wedding.  My uncle's ex-wife wore white to my sister's October wedding.  No one said anything to her, no one kicked her out, but most people said some pretty awful things about her outfit behind her back.  But come on..double whammy of fashion faux pas - white at a wedding and after labor day.  Eeek!!!
    "Do I look like a killer to you?" "Yes, you kill my patience." -Castle
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