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Moms and Maids

*issad*

I know a lot of people probably have had this happen to them, but it happened to me today and I'm still a bit sad.

I had asked my younger sister to be my MOH, and some of my friends to be my bridesmaids. I knew that they weren't all besties, but I figured that they'd be able to be mature enough to get along and be there for me on my big day.

My sister and I have been having our little spats, and I'll be honest, I have had regrets asking her to be my MOH, but I wasn't going to say anything.

It still hurt to get a call from my dad asking to let my sister off the hook. She apparently really hasn't been getting along with one of the other bridesmaids, and was feeling like an outsider, and he thought it'd be less stressful on both her and I to just have her as a guest. I'm stationed on the other side of the US, and haven't been able to see everything that's been going on with my sister and my friends, but I'm not surprised by it. She's also never really expressed any interest when I've tried to talk wedding stuff (and I don't go over-gushy with details, I was just asking for her help in picking bridesmaids dresses, and asking her opinion on small things. You know, stuff a MOH would normally be happy to help with, especially if the bride is her sister.)

I'm hurt that she wasn't able to tell me herself. I know she'd only 15, but she still shouldn't have sent my dad to tell me that she didn't want to do it. I wish I didn't care so much about her complete lack of enthusiasm about me getting married. 

I don't know... Maybe I'm just being whiny... Thank you for reading, anyway.

Re: *issad*

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You should talk to your sister directly to make sure dad didn't take it upon himself to remove her from the wedding party. Find out what's happening between her and your friends from her perspective. If your friend is not treating your sister right, your next phone call should be to the friend.

    Don't hold it against a fifteen year old that she wasn't mature enough to call you, herself. Her feelings are hurt or she is embarrassed.Ultimately, her father has a right to remove her from the wedding party because she's a minor. I hope you can resolve this issue so that your sister will feel comfortable.
                       
  • Ditto, before you do anything else talk to your sister directly. If the truth is that your Dad is interfering with good intentions, and you kick her out, it will hurt her badly and she'll think you hate her. Dramatic and incorrect, but she's a teenager. On the teenager note, you are being really really hard on her. Being female doesn't automatically equip people with the knowledge of how to be a MOH. She's probably at a loss, and feeling villified because the BM isn't being patient. That and teenagers aren't interested in wedding stuff in general. And thank god for that. She's busy finding an identity, navigating harsh sovial environments, dealing with her body being in chaos, and doing all of it without an older sister present to guide her. Give her a break, seriously.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • The question I wonder is how close are you and your sister? My sister and I grew apart during high school, but I'm honoured to be her MOH and bridge that gap. That being said, I'm not a teenager, and I am the older sister. I think at fifteen, if she had been my older sister and asked me to be her MOH and then treated me the way brides tend to treat MOH/BMs (not badly, just high expectations of patience and interest) I think it would have ruined the relationship more.
    If your sister actually wants to be your MOH, I think you should let her stay your MOH in title mostly, then ask one of your Bridesmaids (or all the BP) to do some of the tasks, so that your sister won't be overwhelmed. That way, your sister can stay a part of the wedding, but doesn't have to stir the pot.
    If she doesn't want to be MOH, check if she wants to be a BM. If that makes her happy, just get a new MOH.
    Hope it all goes well!

    Love 11.11.09 | Marriage 05.02.15
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The sister should have no reason to feel overwhelmed. There are no duties for the MOH, other than to buy the dress and stand by the bride during the ceremony. Please make sure your sister knows that you expect nothing more than that.  But Jeremya brings up a good point. I wonder if the fifteen year old sister has been told that she is expected to host a shower, bp, help with the wedding planning or make a toast ( that alone might be enough to scare off a self-conscious teenager.)
                       
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