Moms and Maids

From the MOH - should I throw my sister a bachelorette?

Hi everyone!  New here so please bear with me!

My sister is getting married and I am the MOH.  I got married a few years back and she threw me the greatest bachelorette weekend with all my friends from college, and I'd really love to do the same for her.  The problem is that while I was definitely a girl who had a tight group of college girl friends, she is more of a "one best friend" type of girl.  

The other bridesmaids in the wedding are three of her best friends from different times in her life, and they don't know each other that well if at all.  ALL of them now live more than 2000 miles away from where my sister and I live (we live within a couple hours of each other) and I don't really think they would be able to come into town for a bachelorette (one works like 90 hours a week, one has a couple kids, one lives in a different country, etc).  They are coming to the wedding obviously but I know a bachelorette would be too much to ask.

In the city where she currently lives, I know she has a lot of "couples" friends but I know from talking to her that she doesn't have many if any close girl friends beyond just acquaintances there. Like she will get drinks or lunch with people, but none of them are people she is close with or who she hangs out with 1 on 1 a lot.  When I asked her if she wanted a bachelorette party she said "yeah, that could be cool, but I'm not even sure who I'd invite."  She doesn't have a defined group of girlfriends from high school or college.  People like her, and its not like she isn't social but I think her and her fiance go out in groups a lot or with other couples - she has never been that girly girl type who is surrounded by a lot of girl friends.  She also is very into her career and works a lot and I don't think that leaves her with a ton of social time.

I feel bad because I really want to give her a fun bachelorette like she did for me, as she does definitely like to go out and party and have a crazy time.  has anyone as a bride or BM been in a situation like this?  any suggestions?


Re: From the MOH - should I throw my sister a bachelorette?

  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Maybe the two of you could take a road trip somewhere?
  • sparent2010sparent2010 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How long are the BMs going to be in town before the wedding? If they come in a day or two before you all can go out one of the nights before the wedding.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Ziti...why don't the two of you just take a trip somewhere?  Your bach part and hers do not have to be the same...take what she likes to do into account.  Is there somewhere (that isn't a crazy amount of money or distance) that she has always wanted to visit?  Ask here what she would like to do...she may surprise you and just want to keep it low key.

  • edited December 2011
    No saying a bachelorette can't be just you and her. Take her somewhere fab, like a weekend at a day spa or something!
  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]My sister is getting married and I am the MOH.  I got married a few years back and she threw me the greatest bachelorette weekend with all my friends from college, and I'd really love to do the same for her.  The problem is that while I was definitely a girl who had a tight group of college girl friends, she is more of a "one best friend" type of girl.   
    Posted by ocgirl79[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>While it's wonderful that you want to make your sister happy, it sounds like the best way to do that may not be the same kind of event that made you happy.  If her best friends are all couples, you might try a couples-friendly event.  OK, so the strippers are probably out, but karaoke or bar trivia could be in.  Mini-golfing, snow tubing, go-karting, poker tournament... would she enjoy something unconventional?
    </div>
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  • edited December 2011
    thanks for all the advice so far everyone!  here's the thing, I know she would LIKE to have a bachelorette party with lots of people and fun and partying but it seems that she just doesn't have enough close female friends where she lives in order to do so.  see in my message where I asked her and she said, "yeah it would be cool to have one, but I don't know who I'd invite."  it's not that she doesn't want a party - I think she is just bummed that her best friends live far away and that she doesn't have a lot of local close friends to invite.

    I'd say the couples-party would be out because her fiance IS having his own bachelor party.  and just doing something the two of us I don't think would work either because I don't want to make her feel like a loser with no friends, ESPECIALLY since her fiance is having his own big blowout.  

    I'm just kind of at a loss.  I don't even know who I would approach to figure out who to invite out of her female friends/acquaintances in her city, since her bridesmaids don't know any of them and frankly, I don't really know them either!
  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    <span class="Apple-style-span">[QUOTE] it's not that she doesn't want a party - I think she is just bummed that her best friends live far away and that she doesn't have a lot of local close friends to invite... also, a road trip would be out as I'd only have a night or a weekend - she can't really take extra time off work. [/QUOTE]</span><div>Can you get around this with creative scheduling?  Instead on having the bach. party a day or a week before the wedding, have it over a holiday break, (or other family occasion) when she's going back home.   </div><div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE]I'd say the couples-party would be out because her fiance IS having his own bachelor party.[/QUOTE]</div><div>Why is this a problem?  She doesn't have to have the same style party he does.  He can have a traditional bach. party, and hers can be nontraditional if that's what makes them happy.  Or, if he's inviting the male half of the couples to his party, it's OK to invite the female half to hers.  Or are you saying that these couples aren't really her friends, they're his friends and she gets drug along on date nights when the other girls come out?</div><div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE] just doing something the two of us I don't think would work either because I don't want to make her feel like a loser with no friends, ESPECIALLY since her fiance is having his own big blowout.[/QUOTE]  </div><div>You could try making a list of her friends, and figuring out when and where the party would have to be to get them involved.  You're not competing with his, you're optomizing hers.   The exact same kind of event you had and her FI are having seems not to be on the table as is, but if you can figure out what part is most important to her, you can steal it to include in plans that will fit. Would she be happier with her old, close friends, even if that means the event is planned around their/her travel requirements?  Would she be happiest with the local bar crawl and strippers, and trust alcohol to make them good enough friends for the night?  Or would she be happiest with a unique experience, even if few friends were able to share it.</div><div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE] I don't even know who I would approach to figure out who to invite out of her female friends/acquaintances in her city, since her bridesmaids don't know any of them and frankly, I don't really know them either![/QUOTE]</div><div>Only those who will be invited to the wedding should be invited to pre-wedding parties like the bachelorette.  That means you probably need a peak at the guest list - at least the relevant parts.  It's OK to ask your sister for this.</div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">
    </span></div></div>
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I don't have a lot of close girlfriends either. I think the best suggestion was doing something a couple nights before the wedding if her BMs are in town. It may not be a huge party but doing something really fun with the four of you could be just as fun/meaningful.

    I also like the road trip idea. Maybe you could e-mail her BMs and see if they would be willing to meet you guys somewhere. It could be a surprise for her and I bet she would love it.


  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think you're gonna have to work outside the box with us on this one a little bit.  A co-ed b-party could be fun if those are the people she normally goes to the bars with; even if her FI is having his own separate party.   Are her work friends invited to the wedding? 

    Could you talk to the BM about doing a part-separate part-joint b-party?  Maybe start the night separately with the girls getting mani/pedis or getting dinner while the boys do.. whatever boys do, haha. Then you could all meet up for the bar portion of the evening?  This way she might be more comfortable with the female halves of her and FI's couple-friends.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with PP that you could put something together a few days before the wedding if everyone can fly in a little early. 

    I was the MOH for my Bff and we did a spa day.  She was kind of in the same situation and didn't have a ton of close girlfriends, so we just went by ourselves.  We did a massage, facial, mani, & pedi.  It was a lot of fun and it helped relax her before the wedding.

    Good luck!
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  • i2012doi2012do member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Perhaps email her bridesmaids. See whent hey plan to come into town. If it is early enough just do something then. If you want,even ask if they would consider coming in a day earlier to do a bachelorette party.
    Take her to dinner, etc.

    I am sure there are some girls that are invited to teh wedding that she is friendly with. Aslk your sister what girlfriends are coming to the wedding. Even if she doesn't know them that well, and they are just couple friends- i'm sure the girls would love to celebrate.

    you don't have to have 20 people to have  great bach party. Perhaps just 1-2 other girls and you. You can still have a night on the town with 3 girls.
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  • LauraChristinLauraChristin member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    As a bride I was in a somewhat similiar boat to your sister. I live in California, my MOH lived in Florida, one bridesmaid in New Jersey, one in Connecticut and one here in California near me. Our wedding was on a Sunday and the girls planned my bachelorette for the Friday night of our wedding weekend when all the BMs would be in town. It was wonderful and made me feel so special to have the bridesmaids together for it. They took me out to dinner, just the BMs and my mom and went around the table each saying their favorite personality trait of mine and their favorite memory with me. It was really touching. We had a nice dinner then met up at a local bar with other female family members and friends to dance. Some of those local female friends didn't know each other but we were in a bar dancing and people who didn't know each other previously were chatting and having a fun time. I loved it. :)
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