Maid and Man of Honor

ellebee87

I've never thought about having a man of honor instead of maid of honor, so I automatically asked my closest girlfriend to be my maid of honor. After researching ideas and roles of the wedding party, I instantly began to regret asking her. Because she works nights, her schedule is the complete opposite of mine and I only see her maybe once a month. We can never make plans to get together and go over wedding things and she's never available to go with me to bridal shops. Plus, she's increasingly become unreliable over the last couple years.

Not only that, but it feels wrong to have her as my maid of honor when I have someone I'm closer to, which happens to be a man. Being impatient, I went ahead and asked him to be my man of honor, because I want my real best friend at my side when I get married. He gladly accepted, and now I'm faced with the challenge of explaining to my maid of honor why she isn't my maid of honor anymore, and just a bridesmaid. She can be quite sensitive and angry sometimes, so I don't know how to approach her  and explain things. Suggestions?

PetalPockets2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-man-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5933c539-25a6-456c-978a-22c783221bc1Post:cc09441f-109a-402f-af30-3848629d3d4d">Maid and Man of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never thought about having a man of honor instead of maid of honor, so I automatically asked my closest girlfriend to be my maid of honor. After researching ideas and roles of the wedding party, I instantly began to regret asking her. Because she works nights, her schedule is the complete opposite of mine and I only see her maybe once a month. <strong>We can never make plans to get together and go over wedding things and she's never available to go with me to bridal shops</strong>. Plus, she's increasingly become unreliable over the last couple years. Not only that, but it feels wrong to have her as my maid of honor when I have someone I'm closer to, which happens to be a man. Being impatient, I went ahead and asked him to be my man of honor, because I want my real best friend at my side when I get married. He gladly accepted, and now I'm faced with the challenge of <strong>explaining to my maid of honor why she isn't my maid of honor anymore, and just a bridesmaid. She can be quite sensitive and angry sometimes</strong>, so I don't know how to approach her  and explain things. Suggestions?
Posted by ellebee87[/QUOTE]

First, your MOH is not there to talk about and plan your wedding with you. She is supposed to be there as your closest friend. She is responsible for buying the dress you pick out and showing up. If she chooses to do anything else, then that is up to her.

Second, you cannot demote anyone. You have already asked her to be your MOH so she is your MOH. Also, I think anyone could  become sensitive or angry if they were being told they were demoted.

There is no good, right or acceptable way to do this.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-man-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5933c539-25a6-456c-978a-22c783221bc1Post:cc09441f-109a-402f-af30-3848629d3d4d">Maid and Man of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never thought about having a man of honor instead of maid of honor, so I automatically asked my closest girlfriend to be my maid of honor. After researching ideas and roles of the wedding party, I instantly began to regret asking her. Because she works nights, her schedule is the complete opposite of mine and I only see her maybe once a month. <strong>We can never make plans to get together and go over wedding things and she's never available to go with me to bridal shops.</strong> Plus, she's increasingly become unreliable over the last couple years. Not only that, but it feels wrong to have her as my maid of honor when I have someone I'm closer to, which happens to be a man. Being impatient, I went ahead and asked him to be my man of honor, because I want my real best friend at my side when I get married. He gladly accepted, and now I'm faced with the challenge of explaining to my maid of honor why she isn't my maid of honor anymore, and just a bridesmaid. She can be quite sensitive and angry sometimes, so I don't know how to approach her  and explain things. Suggestions?
Posted by ellebee87[/QUOTE]
This has absolutely nothing to do with her being your MOH.  Nothing at all.  It is not in any way her job to go over wedding things with you or go with you to bridal shops. 

If you want her to no longer be your MOH, call her up and straight up end the friendship.  Her involvement with your wedding will end as a natural result.  However, if you don't want to end the friendship - and frankly she's done absolutely nothing to warrant you cutting her out of your life altogether, based on your description - then suck it up and realize that you have two MOHs, one male and one female.  Kicking her out of the wedding would be a douche move.

ellebee87

I suppose I put emphasis on the wrong details. The main reason I wanted only him as MOH is because HE is my best friend. But I didn't think about having both MOHs. That would actually work out well. Thank you.