So I am the MOH in my sisters wedding which is 11 months away. I really can not stand her fiance, and am really having a hard time supporting this wedding (especially knowing she plans to have kids with him right away!) He is a self absorbed a** and he is slowly pulling her away from her friends and family. Out of our mutual friends, none of the girls husbands/boyfriends can stand him and hate when she brings him along. Even one of our close friends told me she doesn't want to go to to the wedding. Me and my sister were always very close (she was my MOH for my wedding, which her fiance caused issues at and ended up being taken away by the cops). I want her to be happy and I want to be there to help her like she helped me, but it is really hard when I don't support their marriage. Should I just stick it out for her, even if I see this being a miserable marriage in the future? Or should I stand my ground and express my feelings?
Re: Help
It really comes down to your relationship with your sister. In my experience, if I would have refused to go to my best friend's wedding (she asked me to be a BM) or write her off because of this guy, it would have ended our friendship. If you refuse to go to your sister's wedding, more than likely she will choose her husband and your relationship will be over or strained at best because of it.
When I was in your shoes, I decided to be in her wedding and focus on HER. I said hello to her husband and that was it. I think once it's to this point, I wouldn't keep bringing up why you don't like him unless he is abusive to her or is a drug addict or something where you think she might be in danger. If he just acts like a jerk in general, you have already voiced your concern and she's chosen to ignore it. It's a sucky situation, but if you want to still have a relationship with your sister, I'd be in her wedding and avoid her H as much as possible.
[QUOTE]So I am the MOH in my sisters wedding which is 11 months away. I really can not stand her fiance, and am really having a hard time supporting this wedding (especially knowing she plans to have kids with him right away!) He is a self absorbed a** and he is slowly pulling her away from her friends and family. Out of our mutual friends, none of the girls husbands/boyfriends can stand him and hate when she brings him along. Even one of our close friends told me she doesn't want to go to to the wedding. Me and my sister were always very close (she was my MOH for my wedding, which her fiance caused issues at and ended up being taken away by the cops). I want her to be happy and I want to be there to help her like she helped me, but it is really hard when I don't support their marriage. Should I just stick it out for her, even if I see this being a miserable marriage in the future? Or should I stand my ground and express my feelings?
Posted by melissanash[/QUOTE]
If he has been alienating her friends to the point that they don't even want to go to the wedding and the same is starting with your family, there may be more to this than you realize - especially if they are planning on starting a family right away. This sounds like he is alienating her from a support group if she ever wants to leave him (and this would be infinitely harder with children). Please make sure that you stay in her life and make it crystal clear to her that no matter what happens, she can always come to you. From what you say, she may need that in the future.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
It looks like your sister's fi is trying to isolate her. Make sure she knows you will be there for her if she ever needs you.
You can manage being in the wedding, by being cordial to the fi and limiting your contact with him. Good luck.