Bridesmaid gifts

clemarie03

What is everyone doing for bridesmaid gifts? I was planning on paying for all the girls to have their hair and make-up professionally done (which will run me about $600 for the 6 of them). I was also going to buy them a necklace to wear on the day of the wedding. I thought this seemed like enough, but the other day, my FSIL said that I better get her an amazing gift since she has been "the #1 bridesmaid."  Do you think the girls are expecting more than this? I work 2 jobs as it is and think I am spending more than enough. What do you think?

nikiandchris

 'You better get me an amazing gift'? Really? Might be out of context but it sounds rude. Does FSIL have any idea what it costs to have a wedding? Being in a wedding party is an honor, not some huge burden, and a gift is just that-- a gift.

I think your gift sounds like plenty.

I'm putting together a bag for my girls that will include:
their jewelry-- a handmade necklace and earring set, rather inexpensive
a handmade clutch purse that matches the theme of the wedding
cute little pocket tissue packets to dry their eyes
Vitamin B complex pills to give them energy (and keep off that next morning hangover!)
essentials like band-aids, blister blok, mini sewing kit, safety pins etc for emergencies
a compact mirror to fix their makeup (got em at Michael's for $1 each!)
those oil papers to keep their faces from getting shiney
a bottle of water to hydrate
and a flask and small bottle of their favorite liquor in case it all goes to hell! (we're big time party girls, what can I say)

not sure what FI is doing for his boys yet, but it'll probably be something to do with beer.

check out your local dollar store for dirt cheap deals on cute little things.

quotequeen

Things that are specifically for the wedding, including hair and makeup the day of, and jewelry to wear AT the wedding, are not really gifts for your WP.  So yes, I would imagine your FSIL would expect something other than that, though it was rude of her to ask for/demand it.

For example, for me, there is NO way I would pay to have my hair and makeup professionally done for somebody else's wedding, so the only way that would happen is if the couple paid for it.  It's for them, because they are the ones who care about their pictures that much (or whatever).  I would not consider that a gift to ME in the slightest.

[Deleted User]

I think what you are doing is plenty, but I will tell you that you will get mixed opinions on the topic of BM's gifts around here.

In fact, I had never heard of paying for the BM's hair and make-up before these boards. I always thought that it was something they did if they wanted to or they did it themselves. I am getting my girls different things (I have 6  girls) and spending about $60 on average on them. My MOH I am getting a compact mirror engraved from Things Remembered and earrings to wear the day of the wedding. I am also getting her a sister necklace. The others I each getting earrings and then anything from cosmetic bags to engraved bookmarks and things in between.

AutumnFair

I agree with quotequeen. Stuff that are mandatory like hair, makeup and jewelry is not a gift, so naturally if you want all that done you pay for it. It reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Homer buys Marge a bowling ball. The benefit was not really for Marge but for Homer. Gift should be something thought out, what are hobbies or things that your BMs like? Gift cards to a place they visit often or a small gift that they would probably use everyday is a great token of appreciation for being a bridesmaid. I personally dislike cosmetic stuff, I have my own stuff already so another bag, compact etc either gets lost or broken (sad but true).

aerinpegadrak

I paid for my girls to get their hair done because it was easier, and I let them choose their own jewelry (also easier).  Their gifts were nice leather-bound books that I thought they'd like.  I also got the girls all these neat Scrabble tile necklaces I found on Etsy (I got one for the groomswoman, too, but not my brother who was one of my attendants), but those weren't for the wedding, just a little something extra.

If you're mandating anything other than the dress, you're supposed to pay for it.  That's a wedding expense for you, it's not a gift.

bethsmiles

All of those things are for YOUR wedding. While it was rude of FSIL to say that you had better get her an amazing gift she is correct in thinking that none of those things are gifts since they all center around your wedding. They could all get their own hair done as well as choose their own jewelry for the wedding. I don't think the gifts have to be something expensive just thoughtful and have nothing to do with your wedding.

clemarie03

Thanks for all the feedback, ladies. For all the weddings I have been in, my gift was hair/make-up and a necklace so I guess I will have to break the trend and get creative!

trix1223

Glad to hear that you listened with an open mind.  I agree with pps:  hair/makeup/wedding day jewelry/manis&pedis are really for YOU for your wedding.  They don't actually say "Thank you" to members of the WP.  They say "I want you to look this way, so I'll pay for it."  IMO, that's a big difference.

For me, I think shopping for your friends is more important than shopping for your WP.  Pretend it's not your wedding.  Pretend it's their birthday.  Now go gift shopping for your friends.  WP gifts don't have to be, nor should they be, matchy-matchy or wedding related.

FutureMrsFraser

I agree that the gift shouldn't be centered around things for your wedding, then it's not really a gift for them, but more so a gift for you.

I'm getting my girls their jewelry, that's the only wedding related thing I'm getting them. My stylist will also be doing their hair/makeup but that isn't part of their gift.

I painted them a beer mug and wine glass with their name/inital (very inexpensive to do)
I got them a monogrammed tote and a monogrammed beach towel (our wedding is at the beach)
And I plan on getting them each something personal that's specific to them, for instance, my friend B loves Caribou Coffee, so I plan on getting her a cute coffee mug from there with a gift card.

Oh... and your FSIL should not expect you to get her an amazing gift... if she really said that, that was rude.

reason00

I think necklaces or jewelry is a great gift. They're not limited to wear it at the wedding.

I'm getting my girls real pearls.

banana468

Giving jewelry if fine.

Requiring it for wedding-day wear makes it not a gift.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5c814d2a-12df-46d9-93ad-485a6c9e3417Post:f0654315-87fc-45bf-a9ca-46ff287b847c">Re: Bridesmaid gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I think necklaces or jewelry is a great gift. They're not limited to wear it at the wedding. I'm getting my girls real pearls.
Posted by reason00[/QUOTE]
Ditto to banana's response. Jewelry is fine to give but if you expect them to wear it for the wedding then that isn't a gift its just another accessory for the BMs "uniform". And depending on the style of the necklace, yes, sometimes they can be only limited to the wedding. I got a necklace as a "gift" that I have never been able to wear because of the color and style, I eventually decided to cut it up because I didn't want the thing to go to waste and made a new necklace out of it that I can wear on a more regular basis. I will say that just plain pearls can be worn again, so at least you kept it simple.