Moms and Maids

Fiance's sister.....also bridesmaid.....so many issues

Since we've been engaged I have discussed with her that the guys would get ready at her house, with her husband and 2 boys so the boys could be in the pictures but be able to play with their toys  so they wouldn't get bored.

I emailed the timeline with this on it and she FREAKED. She said she never agreed to it and didn't know the boys were in the wedding party.

Before she contacted my fiance, she had to call everyone in her family within a few minutes of me sending out the email telling them how horrible of a person I am to expect this. I'm sure "bridezilla" came into the conversation.

She then proceeded to text FI and tell him that she was trying to not be a queen b1tch about all this and that she was waiting to hear about the boys being in the wedding (I was THERE when he told her).

She also said that since the groomsmen's tuxes were chosen that she assumed the boys weren't in the wedding.  I didn't choose for the boys to wear the same tuxes cause it is $200 for each one.  That's $400 for 2 boys!  She told us when we got married that they could not afford much so I didn't want to burden her with that...I figured they could get something cheap at a kid's store. Since our wedding is 5 months out I hadn't discussed this detail, but why would she think this anyways?

I'm very tired of her drama.  THere is always something.  And when there IS something she always runs and tells everyone in the family first to try to get them on her side.  Unfortunately it doesn't work well and everyone here is getting sick of it.  Her mom sides with her cause she is in the US and doesn't actually KNOW everything that is actually going on.

I was emailing FI's family with some wedding updates, but will not be doing that anymore.  I will keep everything to ourselves and they will see what is happening when the wedding happens.

anyone have any other advice?

Re: Fiance's sister.....also bridesmaid.....so many issues

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fiances-sisteralso-bridesmaidso-many-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5c996814-5cfe-4ca4-a352-ca7d57c5619cPost:ed987190-c365-4237-8587-4748f3aad047">Fiance's sister.....also bridesmaid.....so many issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since we've been engaged I have discussed with her that the guys would get ready at her house, with her husband and 2 boys so the boys could be in the pictures but be able to play with their toys  so they wouldn't get bored. I emailed the timeline with this on it and she FREAKED. She said she never agreed to it and didn't know the boys were in the wedding party. Before she contacted my fiance, she had to call everyone in her family within a few minutes of me sending out the email telling them how horrible of a person I am to expect this. I'm sure "bridezilla" came into the conversation. She then proceeded to text FI and tell him that she was trying to not be a queen b1tch about all this and that she was waiting to hear about the boys being in the wedding (I was THERE when he told her). She also said that since the groomsmen's tuxes were chosen that she assumed the boys weren't in the wedding.  I didn't choose for the boys to wear the same tuxes cause it is $200 for each one.  That's $400 for 2 boys!  She told us when we got married that they could not afford much so I didn't want to burden her with that...I figured they could get something cheap at a kid's store. Since our wedding is 5 months out I hadn't discussed this detail, but why would she think this anyways? I'm very tired of her drama.  THere is always something.  And when there IS something she always runs and tells everyone in the family first to try to get them on her side.  Unfortunately it doesn't work well and everyone here is getting sick of it.  Her mom sides with her cause she is in the US and doesn't actually KNOW everything that is actually going on. I was emailing FI's family with some wedding updates, but will not be doing that anymore.  I will keep everything to ourselves and they will see what is happening when the wedding happens. anyone have any other advice?
    Posted by smcs28[/QUOTE]
    It sounds like you and your fiance are doing a lot of "telling" her instead of asking her.  You told her that the guys would be getting ready at her house, and your FI told her (according to you) that her sons would be in the wedding.  Have you thought about utilizing the question mark?  It was invented for a reason.



  • smcs28smcs28 member
    First Comment
    edited February 2013
    I didn't tell her they were getting ready at her house ....we had discussions because I was worried her kids would be bored (and to be honest they are poorly behaved, and can be quite destructive and don't have much respect for other's propery) and we decided (me and her) that getting ready at her house was for the best.  She was all for it and seemed excited to be involved in this.

    Him telling her they were in the wedding was because she was screaming at him about them NOT being in the wedding and how she felt disrespected. (this was the day after her causing a huge scene at our engagement party over something we had no control over) . She came to our house to yell at him about that and her kids.  He told her that we were having them in it but he hasn't said anything to them yet because it was over a year away at that point and they would have no clue what it really meant, and we hadn't totally decided on what way they were going to be in the wedding.

    During this screaming match was also when she told me she was working and couldn't go dress shopping the next week for bridesmaids dresses.  She knew about the appointment for over six months and works on call nghts.  Basically she was embarrassed about her behaviour in front of the other bridesmaids at the e-prty and didn't want to go anymore.

    This is not the first time the crazy has come out.
  • CallaLily25CallaLily25 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2013
    Ok, there is a lot going on here. What I think you should do:

    1. Call her and explain that you and FI would love to have her sons in the wedding and you're sorry if there was a misunderstanding. ASK her if she would like them to be in the wedding. If she says yes, explain that you didn't want them in the same tuxes as the groomsmen because of the price being too high, but that you plan on deciding soon. Give her an approximate date as to when you will decide on what they will be wearing. Ask what her budget for their attire is so you know what you're working with.

    2. Find a different place for the groomsmen to get ready. If your FSIL is worried about her sons getting bored, she can pack a few toys for them.

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  • Have your fiance talk to her since it's his sister and his nephews.  He probably has dealt with this all his life and can handle her crazy.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2013
    I feel like this is a communication fail.  It sounds like FSIL thought you dumped her boys from the wedding party and her feelings were hurt. Then when you emailed that timeline to her, it probably lit the fuse. Can you see why she would react that way if she thought you changed your mind about her kids, but still expected her to have all the men get ready at her house?

    You should ask your FSIL for her budget for the boys outfits and ask if she has suggestions.  It was considerate of you to not expect them to rent tuxes for the boys at $200/ea.

    Keep your communications with her on a needs to know basis. She needs to know about the clothing, the R and RD, the time of the ceremony and reception. The men could dress at their own houses and meet at the ceremony site for pictures.

    You don't have to cancel plans for bms that back out, at the last minute. Just say you understand that things can come up at the last minute and keep your date with the others. Remember to keep everyone's budget in mind.
                       
  • Thanks everyone.  Yes, my fiance will be the one in contact with his family from now on.  I will not be contacting them.  So far all the response we've gotten since this most recent blow up was his sister emailed him and told him that they have a neighbour looking after their cat so he doesn't have to when they head to the US to visit his mother. 

    There is a good chance she will come back even more angry than now, her and her mom will likely bad mouth us most of the time she is there (this is how the "miscommunication" seems to happen-they rile each other up and forget what the truth is)....

    We'll see what happens.

    We are working on where the guys are going to get ready, the girls will be at our house.....just so I'm not running all over the place with my dress.....
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