day of - how to tell mom no?

kysamc87

Hello! So here is my delima... I am trying to book the hair and makeup for the day of for my 3 bridesmaids and I.  My mother (who has really short hair) keeps saying "yep better book it for 5" meaning she wants to be with us that morning (and thinks i should pay for her too since i am paying for my bridesmaids hair).  The place I am looking to book is $50/per formal hairdo (not including makeup). 

So here are my questions:
1) Is it normal for the mom to be with the bridesmaids and bride the morning of?  Or should she just meet us at the church and handle the family in the meantime?
2) How or can I tell her no to paying for the hair style? (w/o hurthing feelings)
3) Any advice?

LDubHawksFan

I've seen it both ways.  A lot of times mother's will get their hair done too.  I would make her appointment.  Unless you have a reason that you don't want your mom there, I think it would be nice for her to be involved.  If you want to, tell her how much the salon is.  I would be surpised that your mom wouldn't pay for her own, but if you picked up hers that would be nice too...

GoodLuckBear14

Your mom probably just wants to spend as much time as she can with you.  Book her appointment and find $50 to pay for it, but moms being moms she'll probably insist on paying for herself anyway.  Is there any particular reason you don't want her there?

Summer2011Bride

I don't think it's very nice to say your mom should basically leave you alone and just "handle the family" until it's ceremony time. She's your mother! Her daughter is getting married! Believe me, my mom is usually over-involved in things I do and I understand not always wanting Mom around. But it is one day and we're talking about a difference of a few hours.

Let your mom come to the salon (my mom did and I enjoyed having her there). I would really try to find $50 somewhere in the budget to pay for her hair as well (sometimes, it's cheaper too if the hair is short and they're not doing an updo--I would ask). If you absolutely cannot afford the extra money no matter what you do, I would still invite your mom to get her hair done with you ladies but just be honest and say, "Mom, I'd love for you to be there, but I am only able to afford my hair and my BMs hair." It's your mom; I'm sure she'd appreciate you being honest with her and would probably offer to pay for her own hair.

skippylouwho

I would have been so extremely hurt if my daughter didn't want me to be with her when she got ready for her wedding.  Is that a bridge you really want to burn?

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_day-of-how-to-tell-mom-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5f1ec27a-d6f9-4757-a203-b17f7acc4286Post:1672947f-df04-403c-92fe-6a66b6b57674">Re: day of - how to tell mom no?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would have been so extremely hurt if my daughter didn't want me to be with her when she got ready for her wedding.  Is that a bridge you really want to burn?
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

<div>ditto this.  Do you guys have a very poor relationship or something?  Otherwise, I don't get why you wouldn't want her there.</div><div>
</div><div>If one of my girls wanted me to do my own thing as far as hair and make up and "deal with the family, I would be devastated and insulted.  Is there some backstory here?</div>

MairePoppy

I agree with pps. What's going on between you and your mom that you don't want her around the morning of the wedding?

ElisabethJoanne

Yes, it is normal in like every culture for all time that the mother of the bride spend the entire time with her daughter.

Ditto PPs. Make her the appointment, but tell her a fifth hair-do isn't in your budget.

ootmother2

You sound more than a bit of  a brat in this post.

She's your MOTHER.  Of course she wants to be included.

TaraKeeley

Unless she's going to cause major drama/irritation, book an appointment for five and shell out the cash for her hair. She raised you and wants to be with you as much as possible and look nice on your big day.

kysamc87

Thank you for your opinions.  I will just book the appointment. 

Some of you had asked why I may not have wanted her around - its a long story.  But in short the reason why I ended up posting was due to a number of fights and this ended up being the cherry on the icing. We have had a long chat since the post.  Sorry to have seemed disrespectful - just needed some advice to set me on the back on the line. 

Fancypantsamy

I was just in a wedding last weekend where the MOB went with us and we all got our hair done, and then she went back to her hotel to relax and the BMs went and had lunch together. She came back with the photographer when we were made up and dressed and got photos of us putting on jewlery and heading out the door. There's always a compromise. Your mom probably just wants ot make sure her hair looks nice and she has some time with you.