Kicking BM out of wedding

Jessicadell09

I had asked my friend of 13 years to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. She said yes but has yet to do anything. I have tried to set up several appts to look at bridesmaid dresses and she can never go. When i finall went with my sister she got upset that we went without her. I asked her if she even wanted to be a part of my wedding and she said yes. Since then i have picked out the dress all i need her to do is go with me and try the dress on so we know what size to order. Again i have tried to set up several appts and nothing works. My wedding is four months away so dresses need to be ordered asap! I am to the point where i don't even want her to be in my wedding! Please help!

NicoleBreeze2013

Just give her a deadline ring her and say you need to order your dress by this date. It's in her court then...

Jessicadell09

I've told her recently that if she orders her dress by 6/30, she saves money on her dress since i bought my at the same place. That hasn't lit a fire yet

SB1512

you don't need to go together to try on the dress, she can go on her own time.  Give her a date she needs to order the dress (from anywhere, doesn't have to be the shop you recommended) by to avoid paying rush shipping charges.  It's up to her to get her butt in gear and order the dress.  If she doesn't have the dress by wedding day, she's not in the wedding anymore.

jessandkaleb

I agree with PPs. The bride I was MOH for went on a whim with another BM to find our dresses, and just picked them out herself. I went back with a few other BMs to try them on and just ordered it on my own time. I knew when it was acceptable to order. Another BM in her wedding did kind of the same stuff your BM is doing but our Bride just told her the dresses style number and the color it needed to come in and that if we don't order it, it isn't her fault that we can't be in the wedding. Simple as that. 

MairePoppy

Don't kick her out. It will make you look bad. Find out from the store what the absolute last date to order is. Give the information to your BM and let her be responsible for it. If she doesn't get the dress on time for your wedding, she will be removing herself from the wedding party. So you really don't have to do anything about this.

By the way, she still has three weeks until June 30, if she wants that discount.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kicking-bm-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5fb16d35-2bcc-4d6e-841f-6f52d45ae7e8Post:ae0d4007-20fd-4591-b859-db59f820dd2a">Kicking BM out of wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I had asked my friend of 13 years to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. She said yes but has yet to do anything. I have tried to set up several appts to look at bridesmaid dresses and she can never go. When i finall went with my sister she got upset that we went without her. I asked her if she even wanted to be a part of my wedding and she said yes. Since then i have picked out the dress all i need her to do is go with me and try the dress on so we know what size to order. Again i have tried to set up several appts and nothing works. My wedding is four months away so dresses need to be ordered asap! I am to the point where i don't even want her to be in my wedding! Please help!
Posted by Jessicadell09[/QUOTE]

You've already chosen the dress, so why do you have to be with her when she tries the dress on? Why can't she go by herself and figure out what size to order? Do you always go with her when she buys clothes to help her figure out what size she wears?

mcskatcat

Have you asked her for maybe a calendar of dates that she could give you?  There's a difference between saying "hey, are you free this saturday?" and "hey, what days are you free this week?'  I would be a little more open-ended in your approach with her.  Sometimes my friends constantly ask me to do things on days I had previously told them I'm rarely available one.  

As everyone else said, just give her the deadline and then it's up to her.  

abbiestone

I had a similar problem with a groomsmen (really he was more of the best man) but for me because he had been my best friend. We asked him about a year and a half ago when we started planning and he just stopped showing up and being there for everyone. At first my fiance and I tried meeting with him and telling him we knew he was busy so if he wanted to back out he could, but he said he was 100% committed. Then a few weeks later he kept not showing up for things/returning phone calls/ breaking plans. We ended up getting another person to replace him from our family and approached it as he would be doing us a great favor by letting this other family member take his place. I would try to make it sound like she's doing you a favor by stepping down for one reason or another. Good luck!

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kicking-bm-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5fb16d35-2bcc-4d6e-841f-6f52d45ae7e8Post:6eb67500-9dac-4b48-a108-9a7599f11b88">Re: Kicking BM out of wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a similar problem with a groomsmen (really he was more of the best man) but for me because he had been my best friend. We asked him about a year and a half ago when we started planning and he just stopped showing up and being there for everyone. At first my fiance and I tried meeting with him and telling him we knew he was busy so if he wanted to back out he could, but he said he was 100% committed. Then a few weeks later he kept not showing up for things/returning phone calls/ breaking plans. We ended up getting another person to replace him from our family and approached it as he would be doing us a great favor by letting this other family member take his place. I would try to make it sound like she's doing you a favor by stepping down for one reason or another. Good luck!
Posted by abbiestone[/QUOTE]

Please - for the love of GOD - don't follow this advice.

Abbie?  You kicked the best man out of the wedding.  In fact, you peer-pressured him into getting out of the wedding after he said he wanted to do it!!  I'm sad for your former best man.

Jessicadell09

I want to go with her since the MOH and the BM dont have the same figures i want to make sure it flatters all

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kicking-bm-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5fb16d35-2bcc-4d6e-841f-6f52d45ae7e8Post:150a9778-268d-4687-a1b9-85f844db241d">Re: Kicking BM out of wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I want to go with her since the MOH and the BM dont have the same figures i want to make sure it flatters all
Posted by Jessicadell09[/QUOTE]

And what if it doesn't "flatter all"? You said you've already picked out the dress. Does this mean you're going to choose a different dress if it doesn't flatter her?

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kicking-bm-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5fb16d35-2bcc-4d6e-841f-6f52d45ae7e8Post:6eb67500-9dac-4b48-a108-9a7599f11b88">Re: Kicking BM out of wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a similar problem with a groomsmen (really he was more of the best man) but for me because he had been my best friend. We asked him about a year and a half ago when we started planning and he just stopped showing up and being there for everyone. At first my fiance and I tried meeting with him and telling him we knew he was busy so if he wanted to back out he could, but he said he was 100% committed. Then a few weeks later he kept not showing up for things/returning phone calls/ breaking plans. We ended up getting another person to replace him from our family and approached it as he would be doing us a great favor by letting this other family member take his place. I would try to make it sound like she's doing you a favor by stepping down for one reason or another. Good luck!
Posted by abbiestone[/QUOTE]

This is absolutely horrible advice and is a rotten thing that you did.  People are in your WP because they are those nearest and dearest to you, not so they can get all googly eyed and have their worlds revolve around your wedding.  All the BP has to do is show up wearing predetermind clothing, walk to the altar and smile for the photographer. 

Jessicadell09

I would absolutly pick out a different dress i want them to feel comfortable with themselves and look beautiful

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kicking-bm-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5fb16d35-2bcc-4d6e-841f-6f52d45ae7e8Post:a6579854-b068-4b8f-be76-385531a0edf9">Re: Kicking BM out of wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I would absolutly pick out a different dress i want them to feel comfortable with themselves and look beautiful
Posted by Jessicadell09[/QUOTE]

And she needs you to be there in order to determine how she feels about herself and how she looks? Again I ask, do you go with her every single time she shops for clothes in order to determine how she should feel about herself or how she thinks she looks in the clothing she tries on?

Jessicadell09

You didn't go with your BM's to see how the dress you picked out looked on them?

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kicking-bm-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5fb16d35-2bcc-4d6e-841f-6f52d45ae7e8Post:bd0e9b54-1bab-4f85-8069-3a349c37613b">Re: Kicking BM out of wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]You didn't go with your BM's to see how the dress you picked out looked on them?
Posted by Jessicadell09[/QUOTE]

I didn't. 

I've also been a MOH twice and only once did the bride see me in the picked dress before the wedding day.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kicking-bm-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5fb16d35-2bcc-4d6e-841f-6f52d45ae7e8Post:bd0e9b54-1bab-4f85-8069-3a349c37613b">Re: Kicking BM out of wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]You didn't go with your BM's to see how the dress you picked out looked on them?
Posted by Jessicadell09[/QUOTE]

I didn't have a bridal party. Best decision ever.

And I've stood up in plenty of OOT weddings where the bride didn't see me in the BM dress she picked out until the day of the wedding. Guess what happened? Nobody died. No friendships were ruined. The weddings still went off without a hitch.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_kicking-bm-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:5fb16d35-2bcc-4d6e-841f-6f52d45ae7e8Post:bd0e9b54-1bab-4f85-8069-3a349c37613b">Re: Kicking BM out of wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]You didn't go with your BM's to see how the dress you picked out looked on them?
Posted by Jessicadell09[/QUOTE]

Nope.  I only had a MOH and told her to pick out whatever dress she wanted.  She's a grown woman and I trusted her to find something that she liked.