Moms and Maids

Mother in Law Trouble

My fiancee and I have been together for almost 2 years. We live together, MIL & FIL live about 5 minutes away from us. There has never been any problems between us. My fiancee asked my dad for my hand in marriage, we told his parents afterwords. His Mom became so upset she was not told "first" she refuses to talk to the both of us and says she is not attending the wedding, and his father is going along with it. Now my fiancee is a 36yo grown man, (I'm 25) he has lived on his own and then with me for a long time! super great guy never has done anything wrong or disrespected his parents in anyway. No clue why she would be so upset. Help!

Re: Mother in Law Trouble

  • That is weird. My fiance' told his parents he was going to ask my dad. Even though he didn't tell her 1st doesn't mean he doesn't care. She is overreacting or maybe she feels like you guys went behind her back. (I just don't understand why she would overreact like that.) Is he a momma's boy? That could play a huge role too.
    He stole my heart, so I'm stealing his last name.
  • Her reaction is definitely extreme. Though like PP my H told his mom before he asked me, so maybe that's pretty common and she just always imagined how he'd tell her? At this point I'd encourage your fiance just the one E cuz he's a boy to apologize for upsetting her if he hasn't already. Once that's done there's nothing more you can do but to call her bluff; she won't actually miss his wedding over this, that's just ridiculous. Let it play out, don't hold a grudge or make a big thing out of it, just act like you normally would as much as you can and let her come to her senses.
  • Has he said anything to either of them about it? If anything he should talk to his father about her ridiculous overreaction. Maybe his dad can get her to calm down. We have to do this all the time because my FMIL goes nuts about stupid stuff and FFIL gets caught up in it without understanding. FI always has to have a side convo with him to get him up on the facts.
  • Wow, she sounds like a lot of drama. To clarify, was she mad because she had no clue that you were getting engaged, or is it because she wasn't the first to be told after it happened? I can see why she might be a little upset if it came as a surprise, but that shouldn't warrant this kind of reaction. What kind of relationship do you two have? Does she have a problem with the engagement itself and that is why she is really mad?

    If she is simply being a drama queen, then I wouldn't play her game. You two should tell her that you are sorry that she is so upset, that it was never your intent, that you love them and really want them to be part of your wedding day and hope they change their minds. Keep things cordial and don't stoop to her level. I doubt that she would really miss her son's wedding in the end if it is truly over not being the first to know.
  • Just give her some time to calm down. Hopefully she will see that she overreacted and things will get back to normal. Best of luck!
  • Thanks all for your replies!  As far as I know she is upset because she was not told we are getting married first (before my parents). We did everything non-traditional except for him asking my dad to marry me. We lived together already, everything fine, never had any problems with her, so when we got engaged we had already picked a wedding date 6 months from then, its now a little more than 4 months till the date. I wouldn't say he is a mommas boy, he would talk to his parents maybe once a week? She is still upset I tried calling her she did not want to talk to me, his dad is no help he has emailed his dad back and forth and his dad seems passive, and just going along with mom. My fiancee is tired over this issue too and doesn't want to "try"  to reason with them anymore. The terrible part is that, that is his only family, if they don't come to the wedding he won't have any family there, plenty of friends but still. She has no reason to overreact like she is he has never been married no kids, same thing with me, hope she comes around :(
  • Sadly, you can't make her change her mind, or make her come to the wedding, apologize for overreacting, make her talk to you. She's choosing to act this way, and it's childish and unnecessary, but it's her choice. In the end, she will be the one missing out on her son getting married and getting to enjoy that special moment with you guys. I would just let it go and hope she comes around, because you can't force it :-(
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