Moms and Maids

Keeping FMIL imvolvement to a minimum

Hello All,

I am recently engaged. My wedding is still 13 months away. I was wondering if there were any other brides who didnt see eye to eye with thier FMIL and are getting planning underway with little drama.

For some back story, FMIL and I havent really talked or seen one another in over a year. She has always had a bad attitude toward her son's significant others and after endless insults and hurt feelings I decided to cut her out of my life as much as possible. My fiance is fine with this. He told me practially every family memeber of his (grandparents, aunts, uncles, ect) have little dealings with her to avoid conflict.

I guess basically what Im asking is is it okay to have me and my mother handle everything planning wise and just have her arrive as a guest? And if anyone else has been in a situation like this?
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Re: Keeping FMIL imvolvement to a minimum

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Well unless she is planning on helping you pay for your wedding you don't have to include her in any planning whatsoever.

    If she does decide to help pay then the best way to handle her would be to designate her money to a specific item, like the bar, the food, or the flowers.  This way she will have her input but only with that one item and not the entire wedding itself.  But from the sounds of it I don't think she will be contributing so you really won't have to worry about this.

  • No she isnt contributing anything financially. Im the first to have a big wedding in my family and I wasnt sure how much the MIL is typically involved. She really doesnt get into girly activities and I dont think she will be offended or start any trouble by not being included (i hope, lol). I was just making sure I wasnt breaking some unwritten etiquette on her involvement.

    Thanks ladies for your input!! :o)
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  • I do think she will be offended, but if she is such a toxic person that is too bad.  I have one son and 4 daughters.  I would be crushed to be cut out of any of their weddings, but I also volunteer our checkbook generously.  Even if I weren't paying anything, I wouldn't want to be completely shut out.

    That being said, you chose to break off communication with her for good reason.  Good enough to keep her at arms length for this.  Do you have any idea if she is planning to pay for the rehearsal dinner?
  • pink34562000pink34562000 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited September 2012
    I wouldn't accept anything from her. Even if she paid for the flowers or the bar tab, she may feel like she can control your entire wedding.

    I involved my MIL with the wedding details because she is a sweetheart and had no daughters.

    If your MIL doesn't like you, I would stay away from involving her in the planning process.
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