Surprise wedding reception help!

sawdusta

Alright, quick background...my sister had a very informal ceremony in front of about 15 people several years ago, with no reception afterward. She will sometime say how she wishes she had the white dress, misses having not danced with our father, not tossed the bouquet, ect. She and her husband just bought a house, and in the process of planning a surprise housewarming, myself, my other sister and our mom thought, why not give her a surprise wedding reception at the same time? The whole family is onboard, as well as her husband, so does anyone have any tips or tricks for how to pull this off? Any advice is welcome!

kaitlyn&henry

I dont see why not...if the whole family is on board its a nice gesture and im sure she would get the biggest kick out of it. I say its ok once in a while to break the rules and in this case the "bride" isnt demanding a do - over the family if offering which makes it ok.

OP- I think the challange here will be finding a dress she will like and one that is appropriate without blowing the surpirse. While a full on wedding gown may be too much in this case i think something nicely understaded would work. I think that does for the whole surprise...just understated and elegant

JaxInBlue

I agree with CMGr that the ship has sailed on the wedding reception.  Your sister is married already and made the choice then to forgo the reception.  I think that throwing them an anniversary party is a great idea.  Your sister and her husband can still have the great party with the food, the cake, the dancing (though I wouldn't do spotlight dances, but that doesn't mean she can't share a dance with your dad).  She can wear a fabulous dress and there will be joy over the success they have already had in their marriage.  A delayed reception is not necessary when an anniversary is just a terrific a reason to celebrate.

I would also think about finding a way to surprise her with this gift before the day of and include her in the planning.  If she is disappointed that she did not have a wedding reception, she may have some ideas for what she would like at a party, even if it's just colors to highlight or music she'd like to dance to, and would appreciate the chance to see them brought out.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_surprise-wedding-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6356d1a3-d1ed-42b1-9a21-189af46bf683Post:88b0060a-f23c-4832-9dcf-888e32f969ea">Re: Surprise wedding reception help!</a>:
[QUOTE]It is too late for your sister to have a wedding reception.  That boat sailed on her wedding day. You might want to give her a nice anniversary party.  You could have a fancy party with food, drinks, dancing, etc., and she can dance with her father.   No wedding dress, no first dance for bride and groom, no bridesmaids, bouquet toss or cake cutting ceremony.  You can celebrate their happy marriage, but not a re-do wedding reception.  She cannot be a bride.  <strong>She is a happily married woman.  Celebrate that.</strong>
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

This! 

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_surprise-wedding-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6356d1a3-d1ed-42b1-9a21-189af46bf683Post:8dc3d597-acf8-4250-8a86-56e6bddb1c75">Re: Surprise wedding reception help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont see why not...if the whole family is on board its a nice gesture and im sure she would get the biggest kick out of it. I say its ok once in a while to break the rules and in this case the "bride" isnt demanding a do - over the family if offering which makes it ok. OP- I think the challange here will be finding a dress she will like and one that is appropriate without blowing the surpirse. While a full on wedding gown may be too much in this case i think something nicely understaded would work. I think that does for the whole surprise...just understated and elegant :)
Posted by kaitlyn&henry[/QUOTE]

Oh goodie!  KaitHenry's back with more terrible etiquette advice!

Seriously OP, please listen to CMGr.  Throw your sis a kick-ass housewarming party or anniversary party and be done with it.

Simply Fated

I love the idea of throwing her an anniversary party!!

The problem with throwing her a surprise reception is that she'll be missing out on the planning process AGAIN. So throwing her a surprise reception isn't going to satisfy her, it'll just make her feel like she missed out... again.
The bouquet she throws won't be a bouquet she picked out, the dress won't necessarily be HER dream dress, etc.

1BabyFritsch

People on here are too worried about what other people think. I know a lot of people who either have destination weddings and then a party/reception at home or have a small or elopement and a party/reception later.

I have no idea why people ion here flip out about the smallest things when you have already stated that EVERYONE is on board and no one would be offended.

If the whole family is on board go for it and throw her a party maybe sit down with her and talk to her about what she would have wanted. Make it a casual question or conversation over dinner. That will give you some good idea at what she might have wanted to have.Since it will be a surprise involve her huibby. An if you are getting married also ask her opinion on things. I dont know how you could find her a dress(if you want to) but you may be able to come up with something creative.

Muffin'sMom

I'm in the middle here.  I've been married a really long time.  The wedding I had in 1980 was the wedding my mother wanted, the dress she wanted, the flowers she wanted.  I married the right man, and that makes it all worth while, but when I was planning my daughter's wedding, parts of it made me sad.  I wish I had been able to have the day I wanted.  I just wasn't strong enough to rock the boat.  Someday, maybe my 40th or 50th anniversary, I am going to have a vow renewal that is our way of being.  Oh yes I will!

So, I understand that what you want to do for your sister is really special.  You love her and you want her to have the best of everything.

On the other hand, it may be another time when she isn't going to be what she would have done, but what YOU think she would have done.  It's hard to know how she would feel about that, but it is something to keep in mind.

Take some time, really think through how it would work and how she would really feel...not how you want her to feel. 

graysquirrel

I agree with CMGr. You get one wedding day and do-over parties are not good ideas. They look desperate and AW-ish and gift grabby. She chose the wedding she had and needs to move on. I would plan her an amazing house warming and let her plan her own vow renewal when the time is right.

MairePoppy

I don't see anything wrong with a vow renewal ceremony or anniversary party being combined with the housewarming. But your sister should be in on the planning so that she will be happy with the results. Her husband could take her out for a romantic dinner and 'propose' that they have a vow renewal  -  that could be the surprise part. He could buy her an anniversary band to use at the ceremony.

quiggels219

I think it's wonderful of you to want to throw your sister this party. I also agree that I would have it be a vow renewal or anniversary party. Is maybe her 5 or 10 year anniversary coming up soon? I think it would have to be different than a normal wedding reception, but it could incorporate some of the moments she feels sadest about missing, like a dance with your father. If it was me I'd plan a movie night with her, and just happen to pick a wedding movie to get the conversation flowing and then plan your party based on her ideas, but with the renewal or anniversary twist.