Moms and Maids

MoH drama/ need a place to vent

First off I need to vent. Second flame away but I know I have a point weather you agree or not. Sorry but I neededc to say that beacuse I am sure I am going to get flamed.

OK so I got engaged September 2010 and I asked my cousin to be my MoH(probably my  first mistake there). She was all gung ho and right on top of things. Then along comes the days after Christmas and before New Year's and guess who got engaged?

I am happy for her but here is my problem: her wedding is getting in the way of mine (her date is July of 2012 and mine is October 2011). Every single time I try and talk about my wedding she buts in with hers. Granted she has the right to be excited but her wedding is way after mine.

She has been counting down on facebook and she asked me if I really wanted a shower since I didn't sound excited about having one....not to mention she is taking over the family side of the guest list (there are some family that isn't being invited due to budget cost) so I feel like she is more concerned with her wedding rather than helping me with mine.

Oh and she has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and she is taking an idea I had and using it in her wedding( which bugs me but well she will look like the copy cat).

My thing is I don't know how to deal with her about the subject of "hey my wedding is coming first not yours"

Well flame away if you must but any advice would help.

Re: MoH drama/ need a place to vent

  • edited December 2011
    I'm having a little bit of trouble understanding your problem. What would you like her to do? Do you want her to be more involved or less involved? How is she taking over the family side of the guest list?
    image
  • edited December 2011
    I want her to be more involved and since she has gotten engaged all she talks and thinks about is her wedding. She is taking over the family guest list by telling me she has all of those adresses and only needs whoever else I want to invite.

    Oh and she is only a cousin by marriage and two years younger so I also feel like it's a one up thing but I know it's not. I hope that makes it easier to understand.
  • edited December 2011
    So is she taking over the shower guest list? Doesn't that mean that she's planning your shower? I don't see the problem. 

    And really, of course she is more excited about her wedding than yours. It's all newer to her and it's something that she needs to handle, while your wedding is your business. It doesn't sound like she wants to one up you (even if you're not thinking that). If she copies something you do, consider it a compliment. How do you want her to be more involved? 

    It might help to keep in mind that anything she does besides showing up in the right dress is a bonus. Anything she does beyond that is her being involved with your wedding. I think it would help me understand better if you gave some examples of how you wish she were more involved.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Yes she and her mom are planning the wedding but I feel like she is going to invite people I am not inviting to the wedding. It's like she doesn't even want me to write out a family guest list.

    One problem is that she doesn't want to work with me about finding a time that my mom can come to the showers I have planned (one for family and then one of my friends is hosting a friends one for me).

    I understand her wedding is "newer" but with mine drawing close I don't want to talk about her wedding and the fact that she has a dress. Plus I have one BM who is OOT and it seems like my MOH doesn't care and wants to plan the b-party early.

    I don't think I can fully explain the dynamic other than I am tired of her bringing up her wedding when we are talking about mine. Tonight I asked her if she could bring her dress (the one for my wedding) the next time she could come home (she is in college and taking summer courses) so I could see what it looked like on her since it's a different color and she thought that I was talking about her wedding dress that she has on lay a way.

  • edited December 2011
    Well, do you make it a point to talk about her wedding with her at all? I think that you both have to understand that there is going to be a lot of talk about each other's weddings. Also, your wedding is like, five months away. It's not like she's going to put her wedding on hold for that time. I understand that you probably don't expect her to, but your wedding isn't really that close yet. I think that you're being overly sensitive about her excitement about her wedding. 

    As far as the showers go, if she is hosting one, then it's on her to figure out the date. If you're concerned about your mom making it, then why not have your mom ask her when she was thinking about it? But really, the best option is to stay far away from your shower planning. Traditionally you shouldn't have say in it. Let her handle the shower that she is planning. If you're very concerned, give her a copyof the guest listand leave it at that. That way if she invites anyone else it's on her. 

    image
  • blush64blush64 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would like to say that when you are talking to somene about any subject and they always find a way to bring it back to themselves it's rude and selfish. Yes she is excited as she should be, but she doesn't need to make everything about her. And you can be more open to sharing as well by talking about her wedding if you aren't already. (just ask how her planning is going, things like that)

    I wouldn't talk to her about it anymore and if she brings up her wedding I would probably say something to acknowledge it and then move on. Stay away from wedding talk and it won't bug you anymore.

    The shower thing, if she doesn't throw one then that's what will happen. It's too bad but she doesn't have to do it.
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks I  will try that. I don't want to hurt her but it's hard when she makes me feel like my wedding means nothing and I asked her to be in a very important position in my wedding.

    I will just deal with the shower and will send her my full list including family members I wwant invited. Hopefully she wont invite extras.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-drama-need-place-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:64f5c006-f226-4a0b-9577-09a3cb95c74fPost:c75a3b7a-db8d-4b04-afe5-02edd1183721">Re: MoH drama/ need a place to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I want her to be more involved and <strong>since she has gotten engaged all she talks and thinks about is her wedding</strong>. She is taking over the family guest list by telling me she has all of those adresses and only needs whoever else I want to invite. Oh and she is only a cousin by marriage and two years younger so I also feel like it's a one up thing but I know it's not. I hope that makes it easier to understand.
    Posted by Magnoliagirl88[/QUOTE]

    First, I don't think she thinks your wedding is not important.  All brides think their wedding is the most important thing in the world.  She is just excited to plan her own day like I am sure you were/are excited to plan yours.

    Second, if the roles were reversed would you just completely disregard your wedding plans until your "role" as MOH was over...I doubt it.  You should think about this time as a way to bond even more with your cousin and also help her with lessons learned during your planning process.

    Third, so what if she takes one of your ideas.  Think of it as a compliment to your planning skills and also there are no original ideas for weddings...you may think you came up with one but after a google search you can pretty much find out that everything that you are doing has probably been done before.

    You just need to relax and enjoy this time.  You are letting her happiness ruin yours.  Put the bridezilla back in her cage and move on.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You and your cousin each get one day for your wedding. That's it. You don't get the entire year leading up to your wedding and neither does she.

    You should each be planning your own wedding without relying on help from the other. That is how so many misunderstandings occur. If you lower your expectations, drastically, you won't be disappointed.Try to remember that her only duties are getting the dress, showing up on time for the ceremony and having good will toward you and your fi. Anything else is extra.

    I would suggest you stop comparing your wedding to hers. She is entitled to plan the type of event she wants and has complete control over the guest list for her wedding. And you are in control of yours.

    When she asked you if you wanted a shower, you should have said yes. I'm not sure what the problem is with that. She might be trying to organize something. Make sure she has your wedding guest list. Tell her only people that are invited to your wedding may be invited to your shower.

    If you don't want your cousin copying your ideas, keep them to yourself. But with her wedding so far away, she will probably find new ideas that she likes better before then.
                       
  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm not sure exactly what the problem is.  She's excited about her wedding...Um yeah that's kind of normal.  Why should she put her life on hold because your wedding comes first? 

    She's planning a shower so just make sure she knows to only invite the people that re coming to the wedding.

    If she copies you, you can just smile and think to yourself:  Ha!  My wedding ideas were so awesome that she decided to use one of them!  It's really not a big deal. 

    You are two different people therefore your weddings will be different.  Just relax and try to enjoy the last few months that you have. 
    AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    What no one seems to get IMO is that I am tired of feeling like she cares more about her own weddign and that mine is just a waste of time. The only time she evens tells me anything about her wedding is when we are talking about mine.

    I don't think she needs to put her life on hold I just think she needs to use her brain and know when to mention her wedding around me and when not to. If we are in the middle of discussing my wedding plans she shouldn't think that she should talk about her wedding.
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-drama-need-place-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:64f5c006-f226-4a0b-9577-09a3cb95c74fPost:01050d94-eca3-4082-8e4d-641f9a080fa7">MoH drama/ need a place to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]First off I need to vent. Second flame away but I know I have a point weather you agree or not. Sorry but I neededc to say that beacuse I am sure I am going to get flamed. OK so I got engaged September 2010 and I asked my cousin to be my MoH(probably my  first mistake there). She was all gung ho and right on top of things. Then along comes the days after Christmas and before New Year's and guess who got engaged? I am happy for her but here is my problem: her wedding is getting in the way of mine (her date is July of 2012 and mine is October 2011). Every single time I try and talk about my wedding she buts in with hers. Granted she has the right to be excited but her wedding is way after mine. She has been counting down on facebook and she asked me if I really wanted a shower since I didn't sound excited about having one....not to mention she is taking over the family side of the guest list (there are some family that isn't being invited due to budget cost) so I feel like she is more concerned with her wedding rather than helping me with mine. Oh and she has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and she is taking an idea I had and using it in her wedding( which bugs me but well she will look like the copy cat). My thing is I don't know how to deal with her about the subject of "hey my wedding is coming first not yours" Well flame away if you must but any advice would help.
    Posted by Magnoliagirl88[/QUOTE]
  • edited December 2011
    I know how you feel.  I had liike 5 friends get engaged within the 2 months that I did. One of my friends set her date for June of 2012, my wedding is this July. She does the same thing to me, but its not all that bad, most of the time we are just comparing notes and discussing.  One day, however, she pissed me off. She and her fiance came over to our house and we were talking and I mentioned that I was using the same photographer as a friend of her's used last fall, she was a bridesmaid for this girl.  She immediately said "Oh god, No, we didn't use her, F that!" First of all I didn't remember asking her if she was using this photog. Second, I had naturally I started having heart palpatations and was like "what do you mean". "Oh their pictures were horrible, we saw them, just awful" My FI was then like "you better explain a little better, because she is about to have a coronary"

    Now the photog is literally the most important thing to me, because other than your marriage and rings, what else lasts from your wedding day?  That's right, the photos.  My FI has a degree in photography and we are just very concerned about this.

    So then she says, "Oh wait did you say the DJ?, cause we are using their DJ" "No dude, I said photographer"  "Oh yeah sorry" she says "When we went to the DJ's house he showed us an album that his wife had done for another couple's wedding, she is a photographer, and THOSE pix were bad".  So in the end it was fine, she said that my photog had taken good pix at the other friend's wedding and I could relax.

    BUT, the point is, if she hadn't immediately made it about herself, or her wedding, or what she was doing, and also so uppity about it, I wouldn't have been pissed or about to have a coronary.

    So, your cousin, it's definitely ok for her to be excited about her wedding, but it is wrong of her to bring it up every time you talk about yours.  You should just tell her, "listen, I know you are excited about your wedding, and I am too, but right now I just want to get these details of mine squared away, so let's keep on that.  After October, it's all your wedding, all the time, and I will be there to help you with whatever you need.  But for right now, can you just try to help me get mine going?"

    Good luck!
    Celebrate we will, cause life is short but sweet for certain....
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-drama-need-place-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64f5c006-f226-4a0b-9577-09a3cb95c74fPost:b7bb56c9-1d8f-49c2-883f-906e293c897c">Re: MoH drama/ need a place to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]What no one seems to get IMO is that I am tired of feeling like she cares more about her own weddign and that mine is just a waste of time. <span style="font-weight:bold;">The only time she evens tells me anything about her wedding is when we are talking about mine. </span>I don't think she needs to put her life on hold I just think she needs to use her brain and know when to mention her wedding around me and when not to. If we are in the middle of discussing my wedding plans she shouldn't think that she should talk about her wedding.
    Posted by Magnoliagirl88[/QUOTE]

    Maybe she wants to bounce her ideas off someone and you seem like the logical choice becaus you are also planning a wedding. If you don't like it, don't talk wedding with her, at all.
                       
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-drama-need-place-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:64f5c006-f226-4a0b-9577-09a3cb95c74fPost:b7bb56c9-1d8f-49c2-883f-906e293c897c">Re: MoH drama/ need a place to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]What no one seems to get IMO is that I am tired of feeling like she cares more about her own weddign and that mine is just a waste of time. <strong>The only time she evens tells me anything about her wedding is when we are talking about mine</strong>. I don't think she needs to put her life on hold I just think she needs to use her brain and know when to mention her wedding around me and when not to. If we are in the middle of discussing my wedding plans she shouldn't think that she should talk about her wedding.
    Posted by Magnoliagirl88[/QUOTE]

    That is because it is a common thread you two have.  Instead of b*tching about it try and have fun with it.  And if you don't want to deal with listening about her wedding all the time then I suggest you stop talking to her about your own day.  Your wedding is important to her but guess what her wedding is MORE important to her.  I doubt in any way she thinks your wedding is a waste of time since prior to getting engaged she was interested, but things change and life goes on...she now has a huge day coming up in her life and may not have the amount of time for you that she use to.  If you keep worrying about how she feels about the wedding then you are just ruining the whole experience for yourself.

  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-drama-need-place-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64f5c006-f226-4a0b-9577-09a3cb95c74fPost:b7bb56c9-1d8f-49c2-883f-906e293c897c">Re: MoH drama/ need a place to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]What no one seems to get IMO is that<strong> I am tired of feeling like she cares more about her own weddig</strong>n and that mine is just a waste of time. The only time she evens tells me anything about her wedding is when we are talking about mine. I don't think she needs to put her life on hold I just think she needs to use her brain and know when to mention her wedding around me and when not to. If we are in the middle of discussing my wedding plans she shouldn't think that she should talk about her wedding.
    Posted by Magnoliagirl88[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, this is kind of normal. Sorry. It'd be weird if she was more excited about your wedding than her own, don't you think? I mean I get your whole "mine is first" thing, but she has a right to be happy and excited too, you know, even if it is further away. Hard fact: no one, and I mean no one, will ever be as into your wedding as you will be. </div><div>
    </div><div>I agree with PPs, she probably just likes talking wedding with you because it is something you have in common. She does not necessarily have malicious intent, and she may not even realize it bothers you. All you can do is steer back to your plans or change the subject. </div><div>
    </div><div>And give her a copy of the guest list so she knows who to invite, and if she slips up that is for her to handle, not you. Definitely have nothing else to do with your shower than that. </div>
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • edited December 2011
    I got engaged 3 months after my sister and married 5 months after her.  And while I was more excited about my wedding, it didn't mean that I didn't care about hers.  I was able to help plan a shower and plan my own wedding at the same time.  Either don't talk about weddings or make sure to give each of you equal time to talk about yours.  It was nice for me if I had a question/problem to go to someone who knew exactly what I was going through.

    Don't worry about her taking ideas from you.  I copied things from my sister's wedding and she copied things from friend's weddings.  We had family members at both weddings and no one noticed/cared that some aspects of the weddings were similar.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-drama-need-place-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64f5c006-f226-4a0b-9577-09a3cb95c74fPost:b7bb56c9-1d8f-49c2-883f-906e293c897c">Re: MoH drama/ need a place to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]What no one seems to get IMO is that I am tired of feeling like she cares more about her own weddign and that mine is just a waste of time. The only time she evens tells me anything about her wedding is when we are talking about mine. I don't think she needs to put her life on hold I just think she needs to use her brain and know when to mention her wedding around me and when not to. If we are in the middle of discussing my wedding plans she shouldn't think that she should talk about her wedding.
    Posted by Magnoliagirl88[/QUOTE]
    Of course she's more excited about her wedding than your wedding - it's HER WEDDING.  Are you more excited about her wedding than yours?  Of course not.  Because it's your wedding.  It's completely normal for someone to be more excited about their own wedding than someone else's.  It doesn't matter when the wedding happens or which is first.  Your cousin is being completely normal.  Remember, absolutely no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you and your FI are.  And not being as excited about your wedding as her own wedding does not make your cousin a bad person, bad friend, or bad bridesmaid.  It just doesn't. 

    Why exactly is it so frustrating for you to hear her talk about her wedding?   Why do you feel the need to have wedding conversations that are only about your wedding?  How much attention do you need, exactly? 



  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-drama-need-place-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64f5c006-f226-4a0b-9577-09a3cb95c74fPost:66996982-a7f3-4920-95d7-03fea597f154">Re: MoH drama/ need a place to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I Why exactly is it so frustrating for you to hear her talk about her wedding?   Why do you feel the need to have wedding conversations that are only about your wedding?  How much attention do you need, exactly? 
    Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

    Look I find it rude of her to bring up her wedding when we are talking about mine or think that I am talking about her wedding when I'm not. SHe doesn't have the brain to know when to not mention it (ie talking about her dress when I was talking about the dress she ordered for my wedding.) It's not that I need attention I just want the condsideration when talking about my wedding for her not to mention hers since she never mentions her wedding unless we are talking about mine. And yes I have gone out of the way to ask her she just doesn't talk about it with me.

    TO everyone else...I get it I haven't replied because I am getting over it. I needed to vent so I did. I got it out so please no more advice.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    You know what?  You sound bratty and immature.  "She doesn't have the brain to know when not to mention it?"  Maybe you don't have the brain to know when to stop AWing all over the place.  It's not all about you, and there is no law of the universe that only one wedding can be discussed at a time.

    If you absolutely can't stand talking about her wedding as well as yours, the solution is to stop talking about your wedding with her.  The only person whose actions you can control here is you.  It was rude of you to ask her not to talk about her wedding with you, and then bring up your own wedding with her.  Either share and share alike, or cease discussing the weddings altogether. 



  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-drama-need-place-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:64f5c006-f226-4a0b-9577-09a3cb95c74fPost:2aa865a5-a54b-482f-afac-6f4f7818e916">Re: MoH drama/ need a place to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know what?  You sound bratty and immature.  "She doesn't have the brain to know when not to mention it?"  Maybe you don't have the brain to know when to stop AWing all over the place.  It's not all about you, and there is no law of the universe that only one wedding can be discussed at a time. If you absolutely can't stand talking about her wedding as well as yours, the solution is to stop talking about your wedding with her.  The only person whose actions you can control here is you.  It was rude of you to ask her not to talk about her wedding with you, and then bring up your own wedding with her.  Either share and share alike, or cease discussing the weddings altogether. 
    Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

    This.  You sound really self-centered.  You sound like one of those people that has to be the constant center of attention, and when you aren't you get pissy.

    PS.  You honestly think just because you told people no more advice you aren't going to get it?  LOL.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    OK I never asked her NOT to talk about her wedding....srsly if your going to be a troll at least know what you are talking about. PLus I don't care if everybody on this site thinks I am a self centered person because this is the WORST site to ask for any advice or be able to vent. Everyone who has posted on this thread knew I was venting. I did it to let people know. Now maybe I have changed how I am handleing the situation but that does not mean that I didn't have a point. I probably shouldn't have said anything but I did, OH WELL.

    So sleep tight trolls and please go troll other threads!
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-drama-need-place-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64f5c006-f226-4a0b-9577-09a3cb95c74fPost:96b21f59-d071-4f0e-ba64-f874c241744f">Re: MoH drama/ need a place to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]OK I never asked her NOT to talk about her wedding....srsly if your going to be a troll at least know what you are talking about. PLus I don't care if everybody on this site thinks I am a self centered person because this is the WORST site to ask for any advice or be able to vent. Everyone who has posted on this thread knew I was venting. I did it to let people know. Now maybe I have changed how I am handleing the situation but that does not mean that I didn't have a point. I probably shouldn't have said anything but I did, OH WELL. So sleep tight trolls and please go troll other threads!
    Posted by Magnoliagirl88[/QUOTE]
    Really?  Do you even know what a troll is?  

    What the heck do you mean by "I did it to let people know"?  Your posts make little sense. 



  • Queen JaneQueen Jane member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-drama-need-place-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:64f5c006-f226-4a0b-9577-09a3cb95c74fPost:0d8ded43-441e-4756-969e-6637edea7252">Re: MoH drama/ need a place to vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know how you feel.  I had liike 5 friends get engaged within the 2 months that I did. One of my friends set her date for June of 2012, my wedding is this July. She does the same thing to me, but its not all that bad, most of the time we are just comparing notes and discussing.  One day, however, she pissed me off. She and her fiance came over to our house and we were talking and I mentioned that I was using the same photographer as a friend of her's used last fall, she was a bridesmaid for this girl.  She immediately said "Oh god, No, we didn't use her, F that!" First of all I didn't remember asking her if she was using this photog. Second, I had naturally I started having heart palpatations and was like "what do you mean". "Oh their pictures were horrible, we saw them, just awful" My FI was then like "you better explain a little better, because she is about to have a coronary" Now the photog is literally the most important thing to me, because other than your marriage and rings, what else lasts from your wedding day?  That's right, the photos.  My FI has a degree in photography and we are just very concerned about this. So then she says, "Oh wait did you say the DJ?, cause we are using their DJ" "No dude, I said photographer"  "Oh yeah sorry" she says "When we went to the DJ's house he showed us an album that his wife had done for another couple's wedding, she is a photographer, and THOSE pix were bad".  So in the end it was fine, she said that my photog had taken good pix at the other friend's wedding and I could relax. BUT, the point is, if she hadn't immediately made it about herself, or her wedding, or what she was doing, and also so uppity about it, I wouldn't have been pissed or about to have a coronary. So, your cousin, it's definitely ok for her to be excited about her wedding, but it is wrong of her to bring it up every time you talk about yours.  You should just tell her, "listen, I know you are excited about your wedding, and I am too, but right now I just want to get these details of mine squared away, so let's keep on that.  After October, it's all your wedding, all the time, and I will be there to help you with whatever you need.  But for right now, can you just try to help me get mine going?" Good luck!
    Posted by regfalange[/QUOTE]

    No. Just no.
  • Queen JaneQueen Jane member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    There is no way you can expect your cousin to not speak of her wedding until after yours. That is ridiculous. Although it's not what you want to hear, you need to get over this. How often do you have conversations that are NWR, just chit chat or catching up?

    It wouId be one thing if she became too busy to order her dress and be at your ceremony, but it sounds like she is still trying to plan you a shower and be involved more than she even needs to be.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards