how to include my Mom who's passed

heidirae22

I'm at a loss and don't know where to turn . my mom was my best friend and wanted the best for me , she was also a planner and a doer she was the one that would have be in charge of my wedding , sadly she passed away 6 years ago and i still want her at my wedding .. does anyone have any great ideas how i can include her with out being to morose or depressing my guests ?
Thanks
Heidi

AeroStyle

I agree w PP. Using a piece of her jewelry or veil etc is a lovely way to include your mom. Everyone reacts differently to these things, but I always thought memorials at weddings were a little...out of place for lack of a better term.
Whatever you choose to do I'm sure you mom will be proud of you.

boston88

I mentioned relatives that passed in our program.

I carried flowers that represented my grandmothers (one had a fav. flower, the other her fav. color), I wore jewelry that belonged to them, and I had a photo guest book that had photos of me with them.  

Other ways to include your mom could be to include something from her in your bouquet (lace around the bottom, a pin,) or your veil, or to use something of her's like a toasting glass, cake cutting knife, etc.

marshallal

We lost my dad four months ago (6 before the wedding) and have decided to make everything subtle. There will be a memory candle burning with his name on it on a side table that's mentioned in the program, but not mentioned otherwise, and I'm carrying a locket with pictures of us in my bouquet. It's no secret to my guests that this is going to be both the happiest day of my life, and a say I'm reminded my daddy isn't with me. But we really think too much more will be morbid. It's not his memorial service, we had that. My best advice is to find ways to REMEMBER her that are personal to you. Everyone is there to share in your joy, and if she were able to be there, she would be too, so find your most joyous memories and include them in ways that will make you smile, not cry

jef9up

Thank you everyone.  This post really helped while having a bit of an emotional moment. 

I lost my mother unexpectedly a month after our engagement.  So here's me talking about it (hard for me):

Not having her around for the planning of such a milestone day has been painful every step of the way from having to explain to vendors that there is no "mother of the bride" to explaining to photographers why "family photos" sends me into an emotional puddle (current state actually which led me to looking this up).

She was an avid baker and always sharing her treats with friends and family.  I'll be baking tarts using her famous pastry recipe and adding on the tag that they were made with a secret ingredient LOVE. Which is true - and also what she always taught when giving baking lessons. Anyone that ever received her baking knows they were made with the special secret ingredient; love.

I'm also planning on hiding a dandelion in my bouquet. She had a strange love for the yellow weed and would pay the first child who brought one home to her in spring $1. When we grew old enough not to race for a $1 - it became a challenge to see how many months of the year she could find one, and you'd see a single dandilion on the kitchen table in a tiny glass and know what Mom was up to. I'm kind of looking forward to adding a hidden "imperfection" (a weed) to my day.

Any advice on speeches? Both my father and I aren't sure how we're going  thank everyone for their love and support without turning into a blubbery mess.  I think its just something we'll have to accept. We will try and thank everyone and even just a "thank you" will hold so much emotion that tears are probably unstoppable.

marshallal

Having just lost my father, I'll speak on the speeches. Keep them short and simple. My mother has elected not to give one, and has instead asked my brother (the more composed of us/the one walking me down the aisle) to give the traditional father of the bride speech instead of her. As far as my fiancé and I are concerned, we've decided to focus on this being our day, not our day without dad. The tears we expect to she will be those of gratitude for the outpourin of love everyone has shown by joining us on our day. We're approaching the speech as a thank you for coming. I hope that helps. I know the grief is unbearable at times, especially in what is supposed to be an incredibly joyous time. But try to focus in the joy, because that's why you, and everyone else are there. And the tarts and dandelion are beautiful!!!! A perfect plan to honor her with your happiest memories.

jef9up

Thank you. 
We'll do our best on the speech front. It would be silly not to expect a few tears.

aborders20

I lost my mom a little over a year ago and am getting married in two months.  I personally feel that memorials for your deceased parents at weddings are perfectly acceptable.  Nearly everyone invited to the wedding knows that my mom passed away and the circumstances surrounding that.  With that said, we also know it is our day.  What we are doing to remember my mom on that day  include, wearing her pearls, having her picture in a small frame attached to my bouquet, and having white roses for her and lost grandparents.  Not having my mom here for my wedding day will be difficult as she was excited to do the wedding planning things, but we also know that she will be with us, just not physically.  My brother got married a few months ago and they did similar things.  It did not upset anyone more than it would have.  It was hard for my family during certain points because they were thinking about her, but that would have come whether or not there was any type of memorial. 

With that said, I think that you should look for small ways to carry your mom with you on that day.  Many people will realize that it is difficult for you on that day and will not be offended by what you choose to do to memorialize your mom.

brittanyjterrell

I'm so glad I read this, I was thinking about trying to find a way to incorporate my mother but I never thought of the fact that I will cause people to grieve and be sad. I love the idea of having the bouquet holder with the picture (that I have seen a lot lately in bridal portraits) and I am also having our first dance to her favorite song and artist.