frustrated with bridesmaid.

amsta911

OK, I need to vent. Im sure a ton of you have had the same problem. Today I went to look at bm dresses with two of my bridesmaids. I chose to have only two at first so that I wouldnt have too many opinions at one time. Well, during that whole hour of looking/ trying on dresses all I heard from one of them was, "I will NOT wear a long dress", "Ew I wont even try this on", "I dont have enough in the chest area for a sweetheart neckline" or "I cant drop it low in this dress, no way". After that last comment I was like, how do u plan on dancing at my wedding, jokingly. To that she said, "if i cant drop it low at your wedding I dont want to be in it". Im hoping she was kidding but I cant lie and say it didnt bother me. It was really frustrating because I had no say with what I wanted at all. Obviously I want them to like their dresses because they are buying them but I was getting frustrated that my opinion didnt matter to her. She never asked if I liked it and when I said I liked a certain dress she would say "no, the one I like is better".  So at the end of the appointment when the person who worked there came to see which dresses I wanted to add to my file I had to insist on one dress I liked but she didnt as much as the one she picked. It was just frustrating. 

Im not very good at confronting my friends in this type of situations because I feel bad. Any advice on how to deal with this situation?

znd13

Let's see. This might not work, since you have already given them choses. But could you not, just pick something out, and say get this one? That's what most people do, I think.

Klhacker

If the date on your profile is correct, I would just put the issue aside for a while. You have until the middle of next year to find something and new styles come out every few months. You have plenty of time to decide on a dress that works for everyone.

pittpoint1119

Just tell them what you like! I plan on doing that this weekend. I know I have time, but with my job and traveling for it, I need to get a lot of planning done now rather then later. It is your day, yes their opinion counts but it is your day that is what others have told me!

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6831467f-1b53-4ea2-9024-bfb8056ccb91Post:0c8c02d5-4a49-4a76-905c-216237529c5d">Re: frustrated with bridesmaid.</a>:
[QUOTE]Let's see. This might not work, since you have already given them choses. But could you not, just pick something out, and say get this one? That's what most people do, I think.
Posted by znd13[/QUOTE]

That's what some people do, not most.  Considering it is something anther person is paying for and will be the one wearing, the BMs get a huge say in the dress.

OP - take a break from this.  You have plenty of time to be worrying about dresses.  Maybe down the line, there will be a style they can agree on.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6831467f-1b53-4ea2-9024-bfb8056ccb91Post:4193cfe1-2838-4148-8269-da5ccd73825b">Re: frustrated with bridesmaid.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: frustrated with bridesmaid. : That's what some people do, not most.  Considering it is something anther person is paying for and will be the one wearing, the <strong>BMs get a huge say in the dress</strong>. OP - take a break from this.  You have plenty of time to be worrying about dresses.  Maybe down the line, there will be a style they can agree on.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

I agree that the BMs get a say in the dress but the bride gets the final say.  The one requirement of the BM is to buy the dress the bride chooses.  It isn't buy the dress that only that BM likes and could careless what the bride thinks.

OP, take her opinions into consideration but in the end the final decision is up to you and if you want to go with a dress that isn't her favorite that is your choice and right.

But like PP said, just take a step back from dress shopping.  Let yourself cool down and then in a few months start looking again.  There will be new styles to choose from and possibly, because of the situation, try to get all your girls together to shop and if you find two or three you like have them vote and majority wins.

MairePoppy

About six months before your wedding, ask each bm, privately, what her budget is for her dress. Narrow the choices to 3 or 4 dresses that you like. Let each bm pick a dress from the preselected choices, in the same color.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustrated-with-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6831467f-1b53-4ea2-9024-bfb8056ccb91Post:9e52bac6-463f-417c-9e5d-1487b364d321">Re: frustrated with bridesmaid.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: frustrated with bridesmaid. : I agree that the BMs get a say in the dress but the bride gets the final say.  The one requirement of the BM is to buy the dress the bride chooses.  It isn't buy the dress that only that BM likes and could careless what the bride thinks. OP, take her opinions into consideration but in the end the final decision is up to you and if you want to go with a dress that isn't her favorite that is your choice and right. But like PP said, just take a step back from dress shopping.  Let yourself cool down and then in a few months start looking again.  There will be new styles to choose from and possibly, because of the situation, try to get all your girls together to shop and if you find two or three you like have them vote and majority wins.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

True.  I didn't mean to imply that the bride had no say or didn't have the final say.

Simply Fated

If the bridesmaids are the one paying for this dress, they definitely get a big say in what they're wearing. I won't spend too much money on a dress I don't at least like a lot or a dress I think I look like crap in.

Ask them each (privately!) what their budgets are.
Take into consideration what they've told you... No sweetheart neckline and something they can move in, etc, then give them a few styles in the same color to choose from. One girl might not wear a sweetheart neckline, but maybe the other one will, ya know? If it's the same color in the same designer, the dresses will still look cohesive, even if the style is slightly different.

Summer2011Bride

While the bride should get to voice her opinion and does have the final say, some of their points were valid, and I do think if you want them to be comfortable you need to take into account what they're telling you. Strapless or sweetheart necklines can be very uncomfortable for small OR big-chested people. No one wants to be pulling at their dress all night. While she was probably joking about the droppint it low thing, wanting to be able to move in and be comfortable in a dress you're wearing all day is a necessity, IMO. You wouldn't pick out a wedding gown that kept you fidgeting all day, KWIM?

Ask each girl her budget privately. Then maybe ask each girl what types of dresses she had in mind. Doesn't mean you HAVE to pick one of those, but every time I've been in a wedding, the bride did ask our input on what types of dresses we liked and went from there. If they say no strapless, for instance, that's easy enough to work around. You can even get strapless dresses with attachable straps. Another option is to pick 4 or 5 styles that YOU like from the same line and give them the freedom of choosing any dress out of those 4 or 5, so that way, both parties get a say in it.

amsta911

Thanks for all your input! I just wanted to get a little head start because while Im in school Im really busy like most of you and if something were to go wrong I would rather have it early rather than have it while Im getting ready for finals or when its too late to order the dress we want. Otherwise I wasnt going to start till maybe December or January. Im thinking about having the girls wear what they are comfortable in now because I would rather have them be comfortable since I have a variety of body types. I obviously want their opinion but I want to at least like the dress. Thanks again you guys!

kmmssg

It is great that you want to ge things moving, but choose something else wedding related to be working on.  I can't count how many times brides on here have posted about BM's getting pregnant, gaining/losing weight, etc and the dresses don't and won't fit.  So many times it was because the dresses were ordered a year or so out.  Don't go there.  Talk to your girls and let them know you will want to pick out the dresses just after the holidays - that gives you about 6 months.  Let them know they will need deposit money so they can plan their holiday budgets.

There is a balance on both sides of the coin here.  They need to like it, be able to afford it, and be comfortable in it.  You need to like it too.  Just put this to the side for awhile.

pkontk

I agree that you definitely should wait.  I had a bridesmaid dress sit in my closet for a year before I wore it.  I lost a good amount of weight in that time, and more inches.  The dress still fit, better than it did when I bought it, but it still wasn't particularly flattering.

Your bridesmaids might benefit from you chossing a designer, color and fabric, and allowing them to pick a dress in their personal styles.  Just a suggestion, I know some brides don't like that, but if you foresee problems like this, it might work out better for you in the long run.

L&J2012

I wishi could post a picture from my phone. I had three bridesmaids and I told them to try on dresses by Mori Lee, tealength, and chiffon. The color was royal blue. They all found different dresses that they loved and that flattered them, and even though they were different styles it all looked cohesive. I agree with asking each of them their budget and waiting until after the holidays. My bridal shop didn't even place the order until 6 months out, because the designer wouldn't take orders more than 6 months in advance. You get the final say, but your bridesmaids will appreciate having some say in their dresses.

emeejeeayen

Check out weddingtonway.com

You can go through hundreds of styles/colors and pick your favorites. Then you invite your bridesmaids to login and they rank their favorites (of your favorites) 1-5. Then you can see if there's overlap, etc. Bonus: each dress lists the price so each girl knows what she's getting in to financially!