Out of town bridesmaids...

abarlow12

Do any of you have out of town bridesmaids? Did it work out ok or did it just add stress? How did you get them their dresses?

[Deleted User]

Yup, all of mine were considered out of town bc we now live away from our home state. It worked out just fine. I was fortunate enough to go home a few times and sqeeze in shopping with them, but that isn't necessary if you can't be where they are.

That is why we have the internet, text & picture message and phone. I kept in contact with them almost every week via e-mail. When I decided on the FG dresses, I e-mailed pics of everything so her Mom could get it where they lived. I did the same thing for the BM's dresses. We used David's Bridal, so it was really easy for everyone.

Just be sure to keep everyone in the loop and keep in contact with them and you will be just fine. With technology today, they can be halfway across the world and things will still work out.

Simply Fated

I would think that the internet and cellphones make it much easier today than it would have been, say, 10 years ago.
I'm sure communication would be key.

DanielleZZ

I had a couple OOT BM and it is working very well.  The dresses were from DB and I told them a color and length and then they each went and picked their own dress at their local DB store.  My MOH is giving them the bachelorette date far in advance so they can make travel arrangements (one of them might not be coming but thats ok with me).  I set up a FB group with all my BM and give bi-monthly updates through that so everyone is on the same page. 

Summer2011Bride

All of mine are out of town or out of state. It's been working out great. We Facebook, e-mail, and phone call to keep in touch (about everything, not just WR stuff).

As far as dresses, I went through David's Bridal b/c most major cities have one. They could get fitted in the store closest to them and pick it up there. It made it very easy for all of them.

NotPersephone

I've been an out-of-town bridesmaid way too many times now (HS, college, grad school, and home are all in different states) and it has never been a problem.  In one, where the bride wanted to use a local boutique, we just timed it so that we could get fitted at the shower and then we were all responsible for our own tailoring when the dresses came in.  Of course, if the BM's can afford it, shopping through j.crew or a similar online store even easier.

I think googlegroups and docs are the best thing for coordinating with an OOT wedding party.  It is super helpful if you introduce the bridesmaids to each other (email is fine) if they don't already know each other then make a googlegroup so that you can reach all of them at xyz@googlegroups.com and they can reach each other that way.  It make sure that no one gets left off an email and makes all of the communication easy to filter through gmail. 

The googlegroup was especially fun when the MOH sent us an email early on that asked for 1) how we know the bride and 2) one entertaining story about the bride.  That exchange really broke the ice.  I had not met any of the other BM's before but by the time we did meet we had lots to talk about and were all on the same page for gelping the bride throw an awesome wedding. 

We used the google calendar and docs program to share everything for planning the shower and bachelorette and that worked great.  I think having a standing to do that we could all reference (and embellish) made it more fun than MOH having to email us.  Somehow "Hey ladies, I updated our docs!" is a better email to get than "This week be sure to do...." or "who wants to...."  We kept a list of to do's and each took responsibility for items as we had time and interest. 

janicejab

  I have a few of OOT BMs. I just told everyone to buy a knee length black dress they like and feel comfortable and beautiful in. Easy, schmeasy!

tenofcups4me

One of my four lived in the same city as me. I asked them all to get long black dresses of their own choosing. No coordination required, they all looked beautiful, and were able to buy dresses in their own price range and style. I didn't see any of them till the day of. No stress at all.

lalap69

My BMs are all over the place.  It's not adding stress since I'm not expecting anything from them.  When it's time to order the dress, I'll let them know the designer and colour and they can go pick their own and take care of it.  I definitely don't regret asking any of them.

jagore08

All were spread across the US and it worked out fine.  My FI and I planned our own wedding, no help from any of our wedding party.  I asked them to order dresses from a specific designer and they all placed their own orders.  My sister was the only BM that came into my town and threw me a shower (which I was totally not expecting).  It's only as stressful as you make it.

veritasatori

All of my BMs live out of state -- one is in California, one is in New York, and two are in Nebraska (in two different cities).  The dresses were a bit tricky, but we ended up choosing a particular length, fabric, and color from J.Crew (each girl has her choice between 7 different styles).  They're easy to order online and totally returnable/exchangeable. 

Just be flexible and realistic (e.g., don't expect them to travel across the country to attend a shower).  Email when you need to communicate about dresses or whatever, but don't overwhelm them with frequent and unnecessary wedding "updates."  It's really not a big deal.

marinabreeze

Ditto PPs, especially Retread.

All of my BMs are OOT.  I'm in Cincinnati, and I have a BM in Columbus, another in NYC, and my MOH is in Philadelphia.  I'm going through most likely DB and letting them choose their own style with a length, color and fabric requirement, and having them do that themselves locally.  And we keep in touch via phone and Facebook private message (NOT public FB wall).  I am about 7 1/2 months out from my wedding, and the updates have numbered three, and two of them were letting them know I would be calling them about stuff like dress budget and date change.

I would ditto Retread on her suggestions, especially on allowing them to be adults and not hounding them.  I would also add to make sure you have spoken to your BMs individually about dress budget before choosing a dress. 

Also, it's good to take advantage of techology to plan the wedding, but make sure you remain cognizant of maintaining your friendships apart from the wedding.  If you don't talk to your BMs often anyway due to the long distance, but when you do it's usually about the wedding, that isn't helpful for your friendships because it would make it seem like you are one-track minded.  So as excited as you might be, keep in mind that your BMs' lives do not revolve around your wedding. 

beamer84

2 of my BMs were local, one lives across the state, one lives in another state, and one lives in Europe! It was totally fine and stress-free. I communicated with them mostly through email. I went shopping for dresses with the local girls, and I sent pics of dresses to the out of town girls. When it came time to order, the girls got measured locally or called the bridal shop and the salesperson walked them through measuring themselves. Everyone's dress was the correct size and only needed minor alterations.

The biggest downside to OOT BMs is that the 2 who live farthest away were unable to make it to my shower or bach party. I totally understood and expected this, but it would have been nice to hang with all my girls at these events.

I did have all the BMs over to my parents' house the night before the wedding. We just hung out in a non-wedding related "party," and it was SO much fun!

oceana919

I have six girls in my bridal party (including two "juniors") and all but one are OOT. So far, it's been working out wonderfully.

The key to making it work is communication and cooperation. I picked a national chain for the bridal party dresses that they could order from. I let them know what parameters to shop in (any marine dress and shoe) and let them select what they felt comfortable wearing. I email/call/FB with them when I need to about important details, especially ones that might impact their travel arrangements (like finding out our rehearsal has to be the morning before, rather than the evening). Every once in a while, I'll email some pics of some DIY I've done and say "what do you think?" The key is staying in communication, but not bombarding them with tons of unnecessary or trivial stuff.

One thing I did do was send one email to all the girls that listed everyone's names, email and phone. My local BM had specifically requested it, so she could contact them about bridal showers/bachelorettes/etc. You shouldn't push "becoming friends" on your bridal party, but you should definitely pass along basic info in case they do need to coordinate with each other about something related to the wedding.

As for showers and other wedding-related parties, that is a downside to having OOT bridal party members. I'm lucky in that my shower/bachelorette will be in my hometown, where half of the BMs live, and my local BM is flying up with me for the weekend. I hope the other two girls can make it, but I in no way expect them to be there.

Katelouiseannna

All of my bridesmaids are out of town and they were all honored to be asked. 

palegirl146

All of my BMs are OOT (at least 1000 miles from me and from each other!).  We talk a lot through email and texts anyway, so our friendship is just as solid as if we lived in the same town.  Some of the girls are disappointed that they can't do a lot of stuff with me (I went dress shopping alone for myself and them, I did the cake tasting with just my FI, and a lot of other decisions have been made without help from others).  If you are in need of an entourage to help you make wedding decisions, then it's probably helpful to have some BMs in town, but having everyone OOT has actually made it easier on me (I prefer to make a decision and not have to worry about everyone else's opinion and I can just do stuff on my own time instead of worrying about everyone else!)  Of course you may have to give up some wedding traditions like pre-wedding parties.