XP by request: Dear new brides,

artbyallie

So, welcome to the Knot! Or... goodbye, I guess, if you've already GBCK'd. (That stands for goodbye, cruel Knot, by the way)
Okay, honeys, I know you think the regular posters are mean, bitter old hags. I know you must feel sorry for their fiancés/husbands. I know you came here expecting to get 'supportive' answers. So please, let me offer some friendly advice.
Calm down. If wedding planning is so stressful to you that you're upset by things people say to you on the internet, you need to back off and take a deep breath. Ultimately, you're just planning a party. At the end of the day, you'll be married to the man you love. And that can't be negated by an uneven wedding party, or your future mother-in-law showing up in a white dress, or your bridesmaids not being able to throw you a party.
Focus on what's truly important here and know that the ladies here are going to give you the tough answers that you need to hear. Your friends and families may smile to your face and judge behind your back, but we will tell you the truth. We will let you know when you're setting yourself up to make people resentful.
If you can't handle the truth, I'm sorry, but the main boards here may not be for you. The month boards are full of puppies and rainbows, as are weddingwire.com and weddingbee.com. I hope you can find somewhere you fit in. Honestly, I hope you can fit in at the Knot. I love the regulars here. They're smart, witty, amazing women who always tell it like it is.
Good luck!

MairePoppy

Thanks, allie.

Davesgrl2011

As someone who has been burned several times on the knot I can only say this:  while true that you should be able to handle honest answers (after all, why ask complete strangers for advice if you don't want any honest advice?) it is also true that some "answers" are cruel criticisms that are often unjust. 

For example, when asking for help in organizing myself after my oldest sister (I have two sisters) basically dropped her two children in our (my middle sister and me) laps while she dealt with her own issues (she also dropped out of my wedding, which pales in comparison to the general havoc her decisions have caused my family) I asked for advice on how to handle wedding stress on top of basic family and job stress.  In my message/plea for help I refered to the sister who has been there for me and who is my MOH and who is helping out during the family crisis caused by my other sister as my "good" sister.  The answer I received by a fellow knottie?  "Maybe your "bad" sister feels the same way about you."

This was not only no help, but it was just plain mean.  Really really mean.  To the point of being cruel.  There was no reason for it, either.  It didn't answer my question.  It didn't help me.  It wasn't constructive criticism for my own good.  It was just mean.

So I would add to your letter that for seasoned knotties on the message boards: please don't be mean spirited.  Don't be hateful.  Be compassionate and understanding.  Don't be judgemental.  

Anyway, burn away, my friendly knotties!  

 

Muffin'sMom

I try very hard to be understanding and to look at all sides.  I will admit that I have hot buttons that try my patience, but I choose to completely not even answer those posts.

I seriously cannot deal with one more bride who is heartbroken beyond repair because none of her "maids" wants to do anything for her.  Seriously?  If you need "help" then hire some.  These people are supposed to be your best friends.  Either you are not treating them well, they have their own lives, they are lousy people, or you completely misread your level of friendship with them.  Take a good hard look at what is really happening.

Worrying about what people are going to wear to your wedding.  Who cares?  They love you enough to bring you a gift, show up, and celebrate.  Do you really think someone will mistake another woman in an ivory suit for you in the giant sparkly white wedding dress?   It is time to get over yourself.  You should be more concerned that they feel comfortable and lovely, not whether they coordinate or fit your "theme".  These are people, not photo props.

Finally, on the bride's side...I am continually horrified to read about MOB's and MOG's who use money and guilt to press their own agenda.  To them I say, this is not your wedding.  You had yours.  You can have another if you have unfulfilled dreams.  This is not it.  These are your children.  Love them enough to let them have their own dreams.  Supposedly you do love them.  Act like it.

That's all...I'm done now.  Have a lovely Sunday.  As Trix says, happy planning!

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_xp-request-dear-new-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6f89cf42-2593-4215-b880-7d5312d9ec7dPost:937cceb8-087d-4735-87d0-9f7170f406c7">Re: XP by request: Dear new brides,</a>:
[QUOTE]THANK YOU. I don't know why some brides think they need "support" for their weddings. You need "support" for tragedies!
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>I know!!</div>

misscyndikalene

Agreed that some knotties can take it too far and be plain mean. Its hard to understand where someone's advice is coming from when a group of girls "gang" up on you and take your words and run with it. But from what I learned from lurking and writing a couple posts, Just dont do it if its not general wedding how to's. Lots of questions are repeated and it get irritating fast. Make sure you read through previous posts to get the feel of the board that your writing on. If you have any doubts, just dont post. It will save you hurt feelings.