I have been with my fiance for over 5 years now, and we got engaged almost 3 months ago. We are planning on having our wedding in June of 2013, so we have plenty of time to figure out what we want for our big day. I have divorced parents, so dealing with who is going to pay for what in that situation is already something I am not looking forward to.
On top of it all, my FMIL is driving me nuts. When we first got engaged, I thought it was just excitement for her son to be getting married, which is great. I know that it could be the opposite, and I could have a very unsupportive FMIL. However, she is taking it above and beyond. I am extremely close to my mother, and I have been looking forward to planning my wedding with her for awhile now. My FMIL is continiously trying to make it known that she wants a part in the decisions for the reception hall, flowers, cake, favors, invites, etc. However, her and her husband are not paying for anything other than the rehearsal dinner and flowers for the groomsmen.
My mother has continously been supportive and wants to know what I want or what I envision my wedding to be like, while my fiance's mom has only voiced her opinions and not once asked me what I want. She has already assumed roles for things that have not been dictated to her, such as favors and invites. Just recently she told me she is planning a brunch for the day after our wedding, and didn't even ask us if that was something we wanted. What my fiance told her that we didn't want something like that, she replied "well it isn't always about what you want!"
I do not live in the city that we are getting married in, however my MOH does. Just recently my fiance's mother started emailing my MOH trying to get her to team up as planners in Cincinnati.
I do not want her to feel left out by any means, but I also need her to know her boundaries with this wedding. She is having a hard time understanding that she is the Mother of the Groom and not a central part of the planning. I want to keep her informed, but I think that that should be the extent of it. I was even told to give her a project to make her feel like a bigger part of the process, which we decided was decorating the church since it is theirs. That was not enough for her.
While I don't want to make my FMIL resent me for the rest of her life, I also don't want to look back on this day and be angry with myself for allowing her to take over...