Moms and Maids

Moms who hate weddings?

My mom loves my fiance and has no problem with us being married, but wants us to elope. She thinks weddings are a giant waste of money and time. She and my dad eloped and she thinks there's nothing wrong with it- and there isn't! Its just not right for us- I want my family there. My whole life I've never been encouraged to dream of a wedding day- my mom thinks its all a show and an awful one at that, no matter the size or budget. But that's what I've realized I really want- we've been together 3 1/2 years and I've had lots of opportunity to elope, and when it came down to deciding it was very emotional for me and I knew I wanted my immediate family there.

Since telling her that we want a small wedding she has called me shallow, materialistic, and brainwashed by the media. Our wedding will be a showy-show of how much money we spent and me posing like a Barbie doll. Basically, I'm a huge disappointment right now (despite pleasing her in every other way possible- about to graduate magna cum laude with my master's degree for goodness' sake!)

Here is the kicker- we want a very small (like 20 guests, mostly family) casual & elegant wedding. I know she and my dad can't foot the whole bill but I don't expect them to- we're paying for most of it anyway. So its not a money thing (really!)- just a hurtful mom thing. Luckily my future MIL is totally supportive and so is my sister and BFF (and, of course, my fiance!).

Is anyone else's mom like this? I sincerely hope I'm not the only one, that's such a depressing thought.

Re: Moms who hate weddings?

  • edited December 2011
    wow-@ a loss of words ; / amazing to most huh?  Go with what you want, it's your day and the uniting of you and your FI. Sorry you aren't getting the "usual" support from your parents :( actually no support.
  • mgangneymgangney member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My MIL is anti-wedding sometimes too.  Don't take it personally.  A lot of people had bad wedding experiences or consider weddings more about making a show than starting a family, but you know what's in your heart and your plans--and hey, you're paying, so try not to give her too much to feed off of, but remind her all she has to do is put on a smile, show up, and be excited.  She might be irritated now, but once you get there she'll get into it, she'll be as excited as anyone.  Good luck!
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  • edited December 2011
    That's a bummer. Just don't talk about your wedding with her anymore, and hopefully she'll be more supportive on the actual day.
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone, I know you're all right. I am currently avoiding talking to her about it, I'll just continue to do so. I know I can't change her mind but I wish she'd stop being so dang vehement about it. Thank goodness for the other women in my life, IRL and online! I guess I just needed to vent! Thanks. =)
  • edited December 2011
    My mom is a little like that, although not quite so vehement.  She is constantly telling me that in a year I won't care about any of this anymore so why spend the money.  Although we still talk about my sisters wedding five years ago, and look at the pictures!  

    So I stopped talking money with her for the big things, and I took her advice about budgeting for the small things, and she is helping me DIY for some things.... so it all worked out.

    Good luck! 
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  • blush64blush64 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry that your mom isn't supportive. I know it can really make things awkward. My mom doesn't hate weddings but she couldn't care less about mine. She doesn't want the word wedding even mentioned around her and doesn't want anything to do with it at all. She will show up and that's it. SO, I come on here, I talk to a few people at work who like to talk about it and I talk to my FI.

    It was really making me feel like I was doing something wrong and I was feeling really guilty about the money I was going to spend. I stopped talking about it near her.

    I know it's hard. I think it's so unfair that she is making you feel bad. Just do as you already are and keep coming back here. Coming on here has helped me so much, I am actually excited about everything now. Plus, there are lots of good ideas and advice.
  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moms-hate-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:70a7b5fd-3aa7-4617-b848-993d4f429924Post:aa882ee4-218d-4af2-aadd-2301198697f3">Re: Moms who hate weddings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Stop sharing your plans with her. You already know she isn't interested, and that you'll just get hurtful feedback. Don't open yourself up for it. Talk WEDDING with other people, and just avoid it with mom.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
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  • edited December 2011
    Bummer.  IMHO, A small wedding with about 20 people there is hardly "showy showy look at me I'm a barbie doll".  If she doesn't agree with your wedding wishes, I would leave her out of planning, decline any money she offers, and send her an invite. 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moms-hate-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:70a7b5fd-3aa7-4617-b848-993d4f429924Post:a7cdf495-3013-475e-abe5-8a8da5eb6548">Re: Moms who hate weddings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My Mom loves weddings!  She just hates marriage!  She loves getting dressed up and flirting with all the men and dancing.  She just thinks anybody is stupid who gets married. (She tried it twice, with no success.) I ignored her at my wedding.  <strong>Now that my daughter is getting married, Grandma has decided she can't make it.  I'm so glad for my daughter!</strong>
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
    Ha! That made me laugh. I like the humor in this. It reminds  me of monster-in-law where jane fondas MIL is as bitter and sour as she is.
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