Moms and Maids

Mom vs. Fiance *Vent and question*

My mother is very outspoken; but the time was over the line. My fiancé is from Valencia, Spain, and I am from Oslo, Norway. Well, my Mom grew up with very racist, ignorant parents, and my father made sure that we never really saw them because of the impact they had on my mother. Well, ever since we started dating, she's thrown around a LOT of racist terms, and language, that doesn't even pertain to his country. I love my mom, but every time she does this, I cringe. He feels really hurt, and yet doesn't say anything. I've tried to get her to stop, but it only makes it worse. We don't have the greatest relationship, so I'm all for severing ties with her once and for all. Is that the right thing to do?
My Best friend is my soon to be hubby! We split time between Norway and Denmark, our jobs are pretty hectic. But love gets us through!

Re: Mom vs. Fiance *Vent and question*

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You should be sticking up for your fiance. Tell mom that she must treat fi with respect if she wants to be a part of your lives. Don't back down.
                       
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-vs-fianc-vent-and-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:71cefcf5-6fe3-4108-b2db-dd26ba53d732Post:77d98c6a-7267-401a-b2c7-4569fd3b70dc">Mom vs. Fiance *Vent and question*</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mother is very outspoken; but the time was over the line. My fiancé is from Valencia, Spain, and I am from Oslo, Norway. Well, my Mom grew up with very racist, ignorant parents, and my father made sure that we never really saw them because of the impact they had on my mother. Well, ever since we started dating, she's thrown around a LOT of racist terms, and language, that doesn't even pertain to his country. I love my mom, but every time she does this, I cringe. He feels really hurt, and yet doesn't say anything. I've tried to get her to stop, but it only makes it worse. We don't have the greatest relationship, so I'm all for severing ties with her once and for all. Is that the right thing to do?
    Posted by classicbrideleona[/QUOTE]

    Have you ever sat down and talked with your mom? Tell her how much you love him and that you don't see him any different than you and your family. Ask her if she could spend time with him and get to see that sweet loving guy you do.
    GL
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-vs-fianc-vent-and-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:71cefcf5-6fe3-4108-b2db-dd26ba53d732Post:53291c41-3cc9-4476-b999-43b2a4380382">Re: Mom vs. Fiance *Vent and question*</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mom vs. Fiance *Vent and question* : I very much agree with this. Tell her that language like that will not be tolerated by you and your FI and if it happens even one more time, that she won't be in your lives. Stick to it.  If she does something racist, then cut ties.  Show her that you are serious.
    Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree.  You have to show her you're serious, and that if she chooses to say those things she really won't be part of your lives anymore.  If what she says offends your FI then you have to be the one to stand up to her.  It doesn't matter that her parents were that way, what matters is that she's being that way now.</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker PersonalMilestone
  • If she is treating your FI that way you need to think of how she will treat the children you may have. I would never allow anyone to treat my FI that way and I would definately want to protect my future children from being subjected to that as well.
  • My mom told her parents in clear terms that if they ever used their racist language around her children, they would never see her or us again.  You may need to tell you mother the same thing in relation to your FI.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-vs-fianc-vent-and-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:71cefcf5-6fe3-4108-b2db-dd26ba53d732Post:77d98c6a-7267-401a-b2c7-4569fd3b70dc">Mom vs. Fiance *Vent and question*</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mother is very outspoken; but the time was over the line. My fiancé is from Valencia, Spain, and I am from Oslo, Norway. Well, my Mom grew up with very racist, ignorant parents, and my father made sure that we never really saw them because of the impact they had on my mother. Well, ever since we started dating, she's thrown around a LOT of racist terms, and language, that doesn't even pertain to his country. I love my mom, but every time she does this, I cringe. He feels really hurt, and yet doesn't say anything. I've tried to get her to stop, but it only makes it worse. We don't have the greatest relationship, so I'm all for severing ties with her once and for all. Is that the right thing to do?
    Posted by classicbrideleona[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Well first I wanted to say I am so sorry, you really have my sympathy.  My FI and I are going through a similar struggle, only his (Haitian) Mom is racist against Me (white) and the one thing I ask him is why he doesn't stick up for me more.  Stand strong next to your FI, and one poster made a great point... if you have children in the future, would you want them around that?  Again, I am so sorry you have to deal with this is what should be one of the happiest times of your life.

    </div>
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards