What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:842b32f6-ae22-4b83-a2b5-f4d89f7d0622">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out? : Am I the only one that thinks this is an acceptable thing to end a friendship over? I mean, for people who don't know you to call you a sinner in their ignorance and zealotry is one thing; but for a friend, who knows and has known, of your religious stance for awhile to start disrespecting you is another. I would sit down with her and say "Hey, I know you a very into your faith, and I know you need to witness (or whatever Mormons call it) to others, but your harping on me and my choices does not make me more inclined to come to your church and does nothing for our friendship. I realize you view my choices as sinful, but please refrain from repeatedly telling me so.". I come from a very religious family, all of whom are strong in their faiths, and no one has ever felt the need to tell me my choices are sinful, even though I know they think they are. I guess I'm just not one to put up with over-zealous proselytizers.
Posted by Enami[/QUOTE]
I don't think this is an automatic friendship-ender.   If you're good friends, you can talk to each other, and should, before ending it.  Just because there's a wedding involved doesn't mean that you have to cut people out immediately.  I actually think that's a mistake.<div>
</div><div>As she said, she's just back from her mission.  I'm not LDS, but as I said, I have a good friend who's an ex-LDS member who says he was VERY into his religion right after his mission, then gradually came back to normal.  If she's just back from her mission, I have a feeling her zeal will wear off now that her religion isn't on her mind 24/7.  I think it's worth waiting out a bit and talking to her: "Becky, I respect your beliefs but it hurts me when you call me a sinner.  Like everyone else in this world, I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances, and I'd appreciate your love, not your judgment."  That's a very easy and appropriate conversation to have.</div>

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:a1074436-edca-48df-97b4-383afbaef82e">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]  I think it's worth waiting out a bit and talking to her: "Becky, I respect your beliefs but it hurts me when you call me a sinner.  Like everyone else in this world, I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances, and I'd appreciate your love, not your judgment."  That's a very easy and appropriate conversation to have.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Very good advice. 

OP - It is really really disrespectful of you to ignore any request for modesty in a person, religious or not.  There are people out there, who aren't religious, who also like to be modest and cover up, and you should respect that.

Did you ask your BM what she was comfortable wearing before the mission?  Has that changed?  Or did you just find out now because you chose dresses while she was away or when she just got back?  Has her idea of modesty changed?

Even if it did, you still need to respect her boundaries when it comes to clothing.  If you had a bridesmaid who had a certain body type and said "I won't wear that, it is unflattering and I won't be comfortable having my body displayed that way", would you ask her to step down?  It's the same principle, except it's religious and it isn't a preference, it's a belief.  It's a part of her being.  Whether or not she's more on fire for her religion than before, if she's a true friend, you love that part of her. 

However, I would let her know that her overzealous comments calling you out as sinners was very hurtful. 

seniah

I knew some of my BMs were more modest than others and that due to varying size and shapes they would not all be comfortable in the same style.  So I gathered them all at the dress store and said your color is navy blue on your mark, get set go!  And let them pick whatever their little hearts and wallets wanted.  And it looked awesome and they were happy and comfy.

BUT it sounds like you and your gal pal need a little chat about the sinners comment.  Give her the option to wear a dress of her choosing to support her beliefs.  But tell her that "I respect you and what you believe in.  And I am more than willing to support you in this.  In turn I need you to have that same respect for me and my choices."

If she can't do that and continues to badger you about your life, choices and beliefs to the point of being a disruption, well then that is a horse of a different color.