911!!! Bridesmaid help NEEDED!!!!

Joie3M

I have 51 days left until my wedding.My sister is my MOH. She has been trying to get a hold of one of my best friends who is a BM.BM had a date change for the bachelorette shower so she could make it. Her work won’t let her off. That’s understandable. But I guess all the girls have agreed to pay for it in part—and I am being surprised, so I don’t know what is going on—but now, she is saying she can’t afford it. I want to be understanding. HECK I am money is tight, but my sister makes the VERY good point of all plans have changed to accommodate this person, and now, she can’t afford to go.The other hard part is, I know this person just got a hair job done that was about $300.00…which it’s her money, but, if she committed to doing something, I find it rather…irresponsible. I need advice REALLY badly! My wedding is March 16 2012, and the bachelorette party is the 3. This is a person who is good at getting her responsibilities taken care of.This is really the first time I have seen a waver in this. But then again, everyone is human, and no one is perfect.

RaptorSLH

No one has to pay or participate in a pre-wedding party.  They are optional events.  It sucks that she asked for plans to be changed and then bailed, but such is life.  

Since you aren't (and shouldn't be) planning your own party, it is up to the remaining bridesmaids if they can cover the difference, or need to change plans.

froggatt.clare

This is an issue that should stay within your bridesmaids.

As PP mentioned, the pre-wedding parties are not required.  If she can no longer afford to pay for a party she isn't even attending, that's totally understandable.  Even if the date was changed to accommodate her schedule.  And it is no one's business how she spends her money on herself.

MairePoppy

Your sister shouldn't have discussed this with you. She should scale the party back to what she and the other hosts can afford, without the friend.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_911-bridesmaid-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:753fc745-56b1-492f-adb2-218ad5183405Post:99a471df-ad95-4a1f-871f-394afbe312b2">911!!! Bridesmaid help NEEDED!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have 51 days left until my wedding. My sister is my MOH. She has been trying to get a hold of one of my best friends who is a BM. BM had a date change for the bachelorette shower so she could make it. Her work won’t let her off. That’s understandable. But I guess all the girls have agreed to pay for it in part—and I am being surprised, so I don’t know what is going on—but now, she is saying she can’t afford it. <strong>I want to be understanding. HECK I am money is tight, but my sister makes the VERY good point of all plans have changed to accommodate this person, and now, she can’t afford to go.</strong> The other hard part is, I know this person just got a hair job done that was about $300.00…which it’s her money, but, if she committed to doing something, I find it rather…irresponsible. I need advice REALLY badly! My wedding is March 16 2012, and the bachelorette party is the 3. This is a person who is good at getting her responsibilities taken care of. This is really the first time I have seen a waver in this. But then again, everyone is human, and no one is perfect.
Posted by Joie3M[/QUOTE]

Life happens. Your sister and the rest of the BMs need to accept that and move on. And you're right, how she spends her money is exactly none of your business, or anybody else's, and that includes your sister and your BMs.

Joie3M

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_911-bridesmaid-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:753fc745-56b1-492f-adb2-218ad5183405Post:c1c320d7-eaa1-4cab-ba55-e8abc61cde6f">Re: 911!!! Bridesmaid help NEEDED!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Your sister shouldn't have discussed this with you. She should scale the party back to what she and the other hosts can afford, without the friend.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

This might be the case, but then there DOES create a new problem. my sister's temper is notoriously short. And she is saving face, and potential drama by bringing it up to me.
I believe the event has already been paid for i believe by my sister, and she has just been waiting on this person. I don't want to be in the middle, but it also saves me some drama.

Both can go nova...

jemmini6

Did this BM even agree to pitch in in the first place, or did your sister just assume that she'd be in on splitting it?

(also on a side note, please do not use colored font in the future, it's very hard to read)

misssunshine17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_911-bridesmaid-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:753fc745-56b1-492f-adb2-218ad5183405Post:7ec22426-cbd1-4682-82e9-1a64180d6fe1">Re: 911!!! Bridesmaid help NEEDED!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to 911!!! Bridesmaid help NEEDED!!!! : Life happens. Your sister and the rest of the BMs need to accept that and move on. <strong>And you're right, how she spends her money is exactly none of your business, or anybody else's, and that includes your sister and your BMs.</strong>
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

<div>This! Assuming that she's already buying a dress for your wedding, money might truely be tight and she gets to decide what she spends her money on. Her hair is none of your business. </div>

Viczaesar

1.  Please write in black.

2.  You should not be involved at all.

3.  Sh!t happens.  She can't afford to pay for part of your bachelorette party, and she can't attend.  All y'all need to move on.  Also, what is a bachelorette shower?  Is it a bachelorette party or is it a wedding shower?  Why does it have to be planned and paid for 3 months ahead of time, and why is it costing so much?  Who set the budget?  Did your sister ask each of the BMs a) if they were willing to pay, and if so, b) how much they were comfortable paying?

Joie3M

Yes my sister asked. Yes, they all agreed, including this person.
The reason I am involved is because my sister is unable to get ahold of my friend.
I don't really have a problem, except with both parties personal quirks.
those quirks, are the problem.
However, if I am not supposed to do anything, then I will probably not do anything other than tell them to speak directly to one another (mostly, tell the avoider to call my sister, and talk TO her). My sister should be understanding.

I do wish I knew wtf was going down.

Also I did mention that I knew everyone's budget was tight. So my sister confirmed the price range all parties were able to pay, and went with that.

But I do agree, I shouldn't be involved...but now i am.
Just telling one to call the other is best yes?

Simply Fated

The date was changed to accommodate her, but was she asked about the cost?

StephBeanWed61502

I know this isn't the main point of your post, but I have to say, it makes me crazy when people judge others for spending money on their hair.  In my industry, appearance is a big deal - we work with affluent clients who expect the people who provide them services to look as good as they do.  I would honestly forgo nights out and cut back on my grocery bill before I would give up my regular hair appointments - eating in, missing a night out with the girls, or eating store-brand pasta won't mess up my career, but skipping a hair appointment could.  It's not your place to judge your friend's spending choices.

Summer2011Bride

Was this BM told the price beforehand and was she ASKED to split the cost, or was it assumed that she would?

Even if she had been asked, financial situations can change on a dime these days. As others have pointed out, how she chooses to spend her cash is none of your or your MOH's concern. Her hair and outward appearance might be very important for her job. Or she just might like to get her hair done, as do I, to keep up with it and no one should judge anybody else for that.

I would just stay out of it and let them handle it. If she can't afford it, she can't. Plans may have to change.