Moms and Maids
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BM problems.

My best friend and I have always talked about having each other as our MOH since we met. I got engaged to my FI and we've been together for six months. She on the other hand has been dating a guy for over two years who is still reluctant to even talk about getting engaged much. Now my once supportive, upbeat, and positive best friend has made a complete turn around. She didn't call me for like three weeks after I called and left a message I was engaged. I do not talk to her about the wedding to avoid it but, she continuoulsy makes snide comments about how fast it is, and how her parents would never let her be so dependent on a guy after only six months. Her boyfriend talked about proposing this summer and she has told me she wants to have it mid May when she knows mine is late May. I was trying to be supportive and understanding but I finally yelled at her and she seemed better after that and asked if she could be my MOH. I told her no, but maybe a BM. She was great for a few weeks up until I mentioned we may possibly move the wedding up to this summer (We're not even sure yet) and she went right back to before. At this point I don't even want her to attend as a guest. I really could care less if she wasn't in my wedding party. I have plenty of supportive friends and family and she is the only one who is acting like this. Advice?

Re: BM problems.

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    lizstill13lizstill13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First of all, congrats on the engagement!

    It does sound like your friend is more than a little jealous, but it also sounds like you tried your best not to bombard her with wedding info. Good job! Personally, I don't think there is any timeline when it comes to getting engaged and getting married and for her to bring it up is completely wrong. My parents knew each other for 2 weeks before they were engaged and married 6 months later. They are celebrating their 29th anniversary this June. I think when you know, you know.

    As far as her asking to be MOH, that was rude. But you also shouldn't have told her maybe. You still have over a year before the wedding, so in case she (or anyone else) asks again, just say you haven't really thought about it yet and change the subject.

    She also sounds like she's trying to "beat" you to the altar, so I would stop telling her about your plans until you have something booked. And don't share any other info unless she asks point blank.

    Give her some time to cool off and then just try to be her friend and hang out like you used to. Hopefully she'll realize what an azz she's made of herself and come around. A lot can change in a year and you may be great friends again when it's time to chose your WP.

    Hope all this helps!
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    kmg977kmg977 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Your friend is jealous, upset and hurt.  None of these emotions she has are your fault, but you may want to put yourself in her shoes.  Although she is being immature, in her mind she has been dating her boyfriend 4 times longer than you have been with yours, and it probably is not you she is angry with you, but her boyfriend.  I am in a little bit of the same situation with a friend so I just don't talk about wedding plans with her, and I think it is good that your doing the same.  I do think though her emotions are not about you, but about her own situation, so since you always told her she would be your MOH I would at the very least have her a as a bridesmaid.  You do not want wedding drama to ruin a great friendship.  I do think though that your MOH needs to be someone very supportive so I dont think she should be your MOH.  Good luck with this sitatution, hopefully she comes around. 
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    edited December 2011

    Thanks for your advice. I know I need to chill and be patient with her. We're seriously considering moving it up so there is probably no chance she will beat me to the alter. I will probably have her be my bridesmaid. Both my families are so supportive I doubt I'll even notice.

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    edited December 2011
    i have a friend who is doing the same thing...and it is very upsetting...granted we have been having problems for a while...but this weekend was bacholorette-she and one of the other girls decided that it would be fun to make judgemental comments about me online...they were both invited and decided not to come...and this is not the first of several things these two have done...i dont want them at the wedding anymore...i thought i was out of high school drama only to come home and find it all online...my prob is that my wedding is small and my FH is good friends with their SI...i dont know what to do...i am so worried they are going to cause something to ruin it...
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    edited December 2011
    wow that had no adivce in it but at least you arent alone?
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    edited December 2011

    While I do think she's just jealous, I also have to say that if my best friend got engaged after 6 months I'd say the same thing. I think it's too soon, and knowing the caliber of guys she chooses it would be stupid. So, since I don't know you and the usual type of guy you choose, I won't be one of the ones saying she's wrong to say that about getting engaged after 6 months, because that is ridiculous to me.

    However, I do think she's also being ridiculous as far as the childish, not talking to you thing. But, you're also making it a competition by not wanting her to 'beat you to the altar.' Then you went and told your best friend (assuming you don't have a sis, in which case I take it back) that she couldn't be your MOH, but "maybe" a BM. That's just a slap in the face.


    At this point, I'd just wait for her to come around.

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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bm-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7d1c8554-f9e2-4ecb-a3ea-045720ca0527Post:6e186c1a-f4bd-483b-aa4b-6eb56b6b2c5c">BM problems.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My best friend and I have always talked about having each other as our MOH since we met. I got engaged to my FI and we've been together for six months. She on the other hand has been dating a guy for over two years who is still reluctant to even talk about getting engaged much. Now my once supportive, upbeat, and positive best friend has made a complete turn around. She didn't call me for like three weeks after I called and left a message I was engaged. I do not talk to her about the wedding to avoid it but, she continuoulsy makes snide comments about how fast it is, and how her parents would never let her be so dependent on a guy after only six months. <strong>Her boyfriend talked about proposing this summer and she has told me she wants to have it mid May when she knows mine is late May. I was trying to be supportive and understanding but I finally yelled at her and she seemed better after that and asked if she could be my MOH.</strong> <strong>I told her no, but maybe a BM.</strong> She was great for a few weeks up until I mentioned we may possibly move the wedding up to this summer (We're not even sure yet) and she went right back to before. At this point I don't even want her to attend as a guest. I really could care less if she wasn't in my wedding party. I have plenty of supportive friends and family and she is the only one who is acting like this. Advice?
    Posted by EHJL[/QUOTE]

    <div>You are being a brat.  Yes, she is being rude, but to YELL at her for wanting her wedding around the same time as yours?  You don't own the month of May.  And to say "I don't want you as MOH, but maybe I'll make you a BM" is so so so rude.</div>
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