Friends are assuming...

rogue13x

I am desperately trying to keep my bridal party numbers down because of the theme/feel of my wedding, but because I've moved around a lot in my life local friends are forgetting about my life long friends and assuming their in the wedding party. And although everyone agrees (my family, in-laws, friends), I'm not sure how/when to approach the subject of "um...you're not a bridesmaid." To complicate the situation, one of these girls is my fiance's cousin and the other a long time family friend.

Penny for your thought.

CFM102012

If your profile info is correct (2015) you have loads of time.  Please, please don't actually ask anyone until (a most) 9-12 months before the wedding.  If you skim posts on here, the wedding party board or the etiquette board you'll see that everyday people are asking how to fire a BM because they asked the girl and a year later the relationship has changed.

Hilraythebride

Don't ask anyone until 6-8 months in advance, it only complicates things if relationships change.  Read more of this board and the wedding party board and you will see what can happen if you make the mistake of asking too early.

Since there is nothing for them to do or plan at this point it shouldn't be a big deal, just tell the girls who are rudely (IMO) asking about it that you are waiting until way closer to the wedding.

graysquirrel

I agree that if your wedding isn't till 2015, please wait to pick! Relationships can change SO fast. I have had friends that were BMs in each other's weddings one day and then enemies the next. You will save yourself so much trouble and possible heartache if you wait till you are at least a year out to ask anyone.
 
In the meantime, you can give vague excuses like "I'm just enjoying being engaged" or "we have not thought that far ahead" or "we are keeping it small", etc. If your friends get really nosy or too excited about being BMs when they are not, change the subject. They should get the hint that you don't want to talk about it. Whatever you do, I'd advise against explaining to people why they were not chosen. They might be disappointed as is; explanations usually just make things worse.

ewest7

I had this same problem with my friends. But I just politely said that I'm only having my sisters be bridesmaids and no friends cause I don't want to cause rifts in friendships. And they all understood As PP have said if they ask tell them you haven't choosen yet and change the subject, I think that is the best way to handle this situation. Good Luck!

cmjurkiewicz

I had a girl text me the day I got engaged saying "Congrats!  I better be a bridesmaid!" and bring it up several times after - and we're actually quite close, but she's not in the wedding because like you I want small numbers.  I never said yes or no to her - it is no one's business but yours who you have in your wedding.  A lot of your friends might even be glad they don't have the pressure and expense of being asked to be a bridesmaid!  Just because you don't have them in your wedding doesn't mean you don't cherish them.