BM who wont stop complaining

glitzymandy

I have a bm who keeps telling me how everything is to matchy matchy. I have 3 bms and a moh they will all be in the same dress however the moh (who is my sister) will be in a different color. She is the sister of my fi she thinks she should wear the same color as my sis. She also thinks she should get to wear her hair diff. She wont stop complaining and being extremely rude about these things. I dont know how to fix this situation. She has gone so far as to say she will cut her hair off short so she can wear it down. My other 2 bms and moh love the hair and soon to be dress. She doesnt want to wear the same shoes either... Im not sure how to go about this whole situation. My fi is so protective of my he gets on the defense and would call her and tell her shes being rude to me. But I dont want them to fight because of me. HELP!

em01092

You have a right to choose the dresses and colors, so she is being sort of bratty about that, but you do not get to tell the BMs how to wear their hair. I mean, you can and brides do it every day, but it really is micromanaging. Maybe you FSIL doesn't feel comfortable with her hair up? I know I have a round face, so I'm self conscious about all of my hair being pulled back. Is her discomfort worth your "vision" for your WP? Your wedding is one day, your relationship with her will last far longer. Now if you offered to pay for professional styling, that gives you perhaps a little more leverage, but definitely not if you are asking her to foor the bill (rude anyway). 

The easiest thing to do is let them style it however they please and make professional services optional. Just say you'll be at whatever salon at whatever time and styling costs $X, so they are free to join you or do their own thing. Also mention everyone needs to be ready by whatever time so they can make arrangements and not schedule too late of an appointment. 

Think about it: Is it really that big of a deal? No one is going to give two craps about how your BMs have their hair. You say you don't want to cause problems, so I would just drop the issue. Same with the shoes, and again, if you are requiring special shoes, you should pay. Tell them to get a neutral color such as silver or black, so maybe a pair they already own will work, or at least they will wear them again if they do buy new. 

glitzymandy

My friend owns a salon so the hair is completly taken care of however the shoes she wants to be matching but she just prefers a different style. Its a hard subject for me because if she doesnt get her way she'll cry or just be very hard to deal with.... She is extremly sensitive. I know she will be in my life forever I just had to vent it out with out telling my other bm's so they dont talk to her about it... Thank you for the advice!

LittleMissCutiePie

Yeah, if you're going to double post (totally okay), please add XP (stands for extra post) in the subject line.

RaptorSLH

I answered on your other thread as well, I just *really* wanted to emphasize that, for people who aren't comfortable in them, heels can be a nightmare...and that can very easily turn into your nightmare if it causes problems on your wedding day.  If you give in on one thing, give in on this, please.

kmmssg

No one will care about the shoes so don't worry about it.  It does sound like your wedding is pretty match-match, clone like.  I have never cared who is paying for hair, I think it is bridezilla-ish for a bride to tell her girls how they have to wear their hair.  Each girl should come down the aisle looking like an individual and that begins with hair and make up.

TBH - if I had a bride who was insisting I wear my hair in a way I felt I hated, I chop my hair too.

blahblah85

I read your post on Wedding Party.  I'm sorry if you didn't like the advice you got there, but I don't think it will be any different here. 

The only thing I want to add is shoes.  When I wear heels it feels like my toes are going to break.  It is literally torture for me.  I wouldn't be able to stand up in heels as a BM for a wedding ceremony without wanting to die.  And I /LOVE/ how heels look.  I wish I could wear them, but I can't.  Maybe heels are that uncomfortable for her, and thats why she wants flats? 

OBX2011

I answered you on the WP party board.

I fail to undertsand why you think it's acceptable to make your BM's look like clones of one another? These people are your friends so why on Earth would you EVER do anything that you know they would feel uncomfortable with?  Why?  Why?  Why?

JJJ625

I don't understand why you wouldn't want their closest friends to not feel gorgeous and at their best at the biggest party you may ever throw.*

If I were your BM I'd back out with no hard feelings. You two clearly have different ideas of what should be expected from a WP, and I'm not sure if it would end with anyone being happy.

*I also don't understand brides who have their best friends buy a dress in a color you choose in a style they'll likely never wear again, fwiw.

gananoque

I agree with all these gals.

I think you'll be doing yourself a favour by just letting all the BMs choose their own hairstyles and possibly even their own shoes.

I've been a BM like, five or so times and I've never had the shoes dictated. Sometimes a bride has asked us to wear silver or black shoes, but that has been the only stipulation and that is pretty open & easy to accommodate. Seriously. Save yourself the trouble and ease up a bit!