Moms and Maids

Out of town MoH problems

My aunt is my MoH. My only attendant. And about 900 miles away. I haven't been able to get ahold of her for over 3 weeks. I know she's still alive, I talk to my cousin almost daily, but for some reason, she won't talk to me. No clue whatsoever. 

I don't know when she'll be down here, if she got her dress, or what she thinks about the flowers/ hairstyles/ anything else that I need her opinions on. It's ridiculously frustrating and I've had a few meltdowns that required chocolate consolation many a hugs and "it'll be ok" from the fiance. 

I love her to death and really, really want her to be there with me, but I'm starting to think she might just need to come as a guest because this is too stressful. Is it ok to ask someone else to take her place? Fiance and I decided on one attendant each, so there were a few friends who didn't "make the cut"; would it be acceptable to ask one of them to step up since Aunty dearest is flaking out? Any ideas or advice is appreciated at this point, I'm going bonkers here... AHHGGGGRRGHGGGG! >.< 

Re: Out of town MoH problems

  • No. You've already asked her and that's that. If you replace her than you are telling her you don't care much for your relationship. If she wants to stept down, she will. 

    Your MoH doesn't have to be totally involved in your wedding. It's your wedding. She may be busy, or just not interested. That doesn't mean she doesn't value your friendship or your relationship. Some people just aren't into weddings.

    If you have other friends, ask them what they think, but realize, they might not care either, and that doesn't make them bad people. Or, they may offer an opinion, and that doesn't mean they have to be in your WP.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_out-of-town-moh-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:88e43130-d1e5-4361-99d9-dcfcdddc0ea5Post:a287f8ad-e27e-44cc-a7d2-c561ae1d1796">Out of town MoH problems</a>:
    [QUOTE]My aunt is my MoH. My only attendant. And about 900 miles away. I haven't been able to get ahold of her for over 3 weeks. I know she's still alive, I talk to my cousin almost daily, but for some reason, she won't talk to me. No clue whatsoever.  I don't know when she'll be down here, if she got her dress, or <strong>what she thinks about the flowers/ hairstyles/ anything else that I need her opinions on.</strong> It's ridiculously frustrating and I've had a few meltdowns that required chocolate consolation many a hugs and "it'll be ok" from the fiance.  I love her to death and really, really want her to be there with me, but I'm starting to think she might just need to come as a guest because this is too stressful. Is it ok to ask someone else to take her place? Fiance and I decided on one attendant each, so there were a few friends who didn't "make the cut"; <strong>would it be acceptable to ask one of them to step up</strong> since Aunty dearest is flaking out? Any ideas or advice is appreciated at this point, I'm going bonkers here... AHHGGGGRRGHGGGG! >.< 
    Posted by colella6[/QUOTE]

    Why do you need her opinion on your flowers and hairstyles?

    All your Aunt is required to do as a MOH is to be there on your wedding day and buy the dress.  She is not required to help plan your wedding or validate your ideas.  I know it is frustrating when the people you love most aren't into the weddling planning process but there is nothing you can do about it.  If you need help ask your FI.

    Do not kickout or replace your MOH.  That is just rude.  She has done nothing to deserve this and the replacement will feel just like what she is, a replacement.  It would be incredibly rude and inconsiderate to say to one of your other friends, "well you weren't good enough to make the first cut but since MOH sucks I am going to have you replace her".

  • The only thing you might want to be concerned about is if she has gotten her dress.  I'd give her a date as to when her dress has to be ordered to ensure that it will arrive in time to have any alterations done.  If she doesn't order a dress by that deadline, it may be a sign that she has removed herself as the MOH, but you would probably still want to broach the subject with her at that point before finding a replacement.
  • If you're getting married, you're an adult, and you can make your own decisions on flowers and hairstyles and food and everything else. Ask your future husband for ideas if you're unsure. If he doesn't have any, it's probably not a big enough deal to be collecting opinions.

    Ask her her budget for her dress and any style preferences. My Maid of Honor is literally on the other side of the world, and we share links about her dress and shoes. She doesn't have strong opinions about even what she's wearing, though. Then make a selection with all that in mind, and give her a date to order by. Follow-up a week later to see if she's ordered. If she hasn't come back and update us for additional advice.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_out-of-town-moh-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:88e43130-d1e5-4361-99d9-dcfcdddc0ea5Post:a36a0bb1-365f-42a2-beff-3e89812791cf">Re: Out of town MoH problems</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>The only thing you might want to be concerned about is if she has gotten her dress.</strong>  I'd give her a date as to when her dress has to be ordered to ensure that it will arrive in time to have any alterations done.  If she doesn't order a dress by that deadline, it may be a sign that she has removed herself as the MOH, but you would probably still want to broach the subject with her at that point before finding a replacement.
    Posted by SB1512[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with this, but I also think you should try to talk to her about things non-wedding. What is causing her to be this way? That would be my first thought.</div>
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