Moms and Maids

FSIL (vent)

So, my FI's sister is the youngest of three. She definitely acts like it. It is unbelievable to me how textbook she is; she acts like she's five, whines if she doesn't get her way, and complains openly when she feels like her older brothers aren't spending enough time with her/giving her enough attention. She doesn't say please or thank you hardly ever, and she truly will just whine instead of asking for things. Like when we sit down to dinner and she wants the water pitcher, she makes the most irritating sound, waving her glass in front of her. She is almost 20, and acts like a child. It's gotten increasingly worse the longer FI and I have been together (or maybe I just noticed it more).

That said, when she is not acting like a child (I wouldn't hesitate to say she is childish at least 30% of the time), she's a great girl. She's shy, but has awesome tastes in books and music and we really bonded when I first started dating her brother (the middle brother was dating a horrible woman, and I sort of became her antithesis). I've made her a bridesmaid (please don't give me a hard time about picking too early. I KNOW. But I made my mistake, and now i have to live with it), mostly as a gesture to the family, but also because, like I said, when she's not acting spoilt and whiny, she's awesome. However, this is not a BM worry. This is more a FSIL worry. I'm genuinely concerned that she is never going to grow up, and she's going to act like this until we're all old and gray.

The thing is, I've had people tell me that she probably is acting this way, and getting increasingly worse the longer FI and I are together, because she's always had her brothers' rapt attentions. They grew up on a farm, and only really had each other to hang out with when they were younger. FI says he and the rest of the family have been around her so long, they don't even notice. I've heard them laugh at her totally inappropriate behaviour before, and it absolutely shocks me. 

I guess what i want to know is, am I alone? Are there any other brides who have to deal with FSILs who are the youngest, and really know how to act like it? What should I do? Should I even do anything?

Re: FSIL (vent)

  • edited December 2011
    I am the youngest of three and yes I will admit I was a brat when I was younger. However, I am now 27 and have mellowed out. She is still at the stage where life is a bit scary because your out of HS, and the real world is about to smack you in the face. Getting out of that stage can be hard for people that have pretty much have had their way all their lives. Be patient with her because, she will most likely grow out of it. It may take until she's over 25 but eventually it will happen.
    Anniversary
  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    She's 20. She is the youngest of 3.  She has 2 older brothers, so she is the only girl.  Of course she is  a little bratty. What were you like at that age? I was full of angst as well.  Let her be.  You don't do anything. 

    The only thing you really can do is not react to her behavior.  She will notice that.
    ROCK IS KING!!
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:89de0452-07f9-424a-a277-0bf9199f6b95Post:d52a391f-eb99-441b-be42-0896da67aa70">FSIL (vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, my FI's sister is the youngest of three. She definitely acts like it. It is unbelievable to me how textbook she is; she acts like she's five, whines if she doesn't get her way, and complains openly when she feels like her older brothers aren't spending enough time with her/giving her enough attention. She doesn't say please or thank you hardly ever, and she truly will just whine instead of asking for things. Like when we sit down to dinner and she wants the water pitcher, she makes the most irritating sound, waving her glass in front of her. She is almost 20, and acts like a child. It's gotten increasingly worse the longer FI and I have been together (or maybe I just noticed it more). That said, when she is not acting like a child (I wouldn't hesitate to say she is childish at least 30% of the time), she's a great girl. She's shy, but has awesome tastes in books and music and we really bonded when I first started dating her brother (the middle brother was dating a horrible woman, and I sort of became her antithesis). I've made her a bridesmaid (please don't give me a hard time about picking too early. I KNOW. But I made my mistake, and now i have to live with it), mostly as a gesture to the family, but also because, like I said, when she's not acting spoilt and whiny, she's awesome. However, this is not a BM worry. This is more a FSIL worry. I'm genuinely concerned that she is never going to grow up, and she's going to act like this until we're all old and gray. The thing is, I've had people tell me that she probably is acting this way, and getting increasingly worse the longer FI and I are together, because she's always had her brothers' rapt attentions. They grew up on a farm, and only really had each other to hang out with when they were younger. FI says he and the rest of the family have been around her so long, they don't even notice. I've heard them laugh at her totally inappropriate behaviour before, and it absolutely shocks me.  I guess what i want to know is, am I alone? Are there any other brides who have to deal with FSILs who are the youngest, and really know how to act like it? What should I do? Should I even do anything?
    Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

    She's 20. Cut her some slack. If she's still acting like this in five or six years, then worry.
  • sparent2010sparent2010 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Ziti- FYI I am the youngest of 4 and your 'textbook' example of youngest is not me at all. So I wouldn't generalize that all youngest are bratty.
    image
    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • HandBananaHandBanana member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I will pass on the advice my mother gave me about IL family dynamics.  His family dynamics are not for you to understand or change.  You just have to a take them as part of the package.  Every family has their own dynamics and interactions.

    Don't try to analyze why she is the way she is or figure out who is responsible for her behavior.  Just realize this is how she is and focus on her positives.  Seriously, I've been there and you will give yourself a migraine if you try to go through your IL family history to figure out why someone is the way they are and psychoanalyze every interaction.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks all. I think I just needed some outside perspective. You are all probably right. Just gotta cut her some slack and wait.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fsil-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:89de0452-07f9-424a-a277-0bf9199f6b95Post:d1f2b19d-27a7-4eb5-a805-bd2d3263f808">Re: FSIL (vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I will pass on the advice my mother gave me about IL family dynamics.  His family dynamics are not for you to understand or change.  You just have to a take them as part of the package.  Every family has their own dynamics and interactions. Don't try to analyze why she is the way she is or figure out who is responsible for her behavior.  Just realize this is how she is and focus on her positives.  Seriously, I've been there and you will give yourself a migraine if you try to go through your IL family history to figure out why someone is the way they are and psychoanalyze every interaction.
    Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>This. Just breathe and take your FSIL as she is. If she bugs you THAT much, you can talk to her. Granted she is 20 and the youngest.</div>
    Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot! Wedding Countdown Ticker http://hannahandalec.weebly.com/ My Planning Bio-Updated 9/18
  • edited December 2011
    accept the things you cannot change and that is your FSIL. Concentrate on her strengths and try to use those to your advantage. Try to overlook her annoying behavior, seems like everyone else does, unfortunately.  Keep your contact to a minimum if you can and only give her specific jobs to do, jobs that you don't have to worry about her atttude ruining yours or your special day. 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards