Afraid to go dress shopping with my mom...

jessandkaleb

While I love my mom, she is one of those people where her tastes are better than yours and she isn't afraid to tell you...rudely. I love my MIL and she has been so sweet and helpful throughout the planning while my own mom tells me she doesn't like a lot of the stuff I'm having. Rarely, has she complimented anything about the wedding. I've been dress shopping before by myself and with a BM b/c I'm too afraid to go w/ my mom. But, I still have yet to find my dress. I'm going to be looking again next week and my mom's mentioned that she wants to go. So, I'm inviting my mom, MIL and younger sister to go. When I've shown my mom other dresses I like she said that I either look like a "troll" or pregnant. (thanks, mom). I love her to death, but she can always cut me down, and I want this to be a happy experience. Should I just ignore her or talk to her if she starts to be rude? I'm sure my MIL would say something if she got snarky, but I I want my mom to know that she needs to stop being so condescending. She's caused nothing but stress and it's gotten to a point where I don't want to share any of the wedding details with her. But, I don't want to confront her b/c she refuses to believe that she is in the wrong.

MairePoppy

MOB, here. Talk to your mom before you go dress shopping with her. Let her know that you are inviting her along for support and camaraderie, not criticism. If she starts up with the hurtful remarks, cut the appointment short and return with your support team another day.

jessandkaleb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_afraid-to-go-dress-shopping-with-my-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8a003805-7f5e-4e29-8971-8659939e3e0cPost:483aaade-e03b-43cc-b6fd-015016f33ec7">Re: Afraid to go dress shopping with my mom...</a>:
[QUOTE]MOB, here. Talk to your mom before you go dress shopping with her. Let her know that you are inviting her along for support and camaraderie, not criticism. If she starts up with the hurtful remarks, cut the appointment short and return with your support team another day.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>My mom is just so touchy, I'm not sure I can tell her anything like that without her getting upset or angry with me. I told her I don't want alcohol at my reception (I don't drink, but my parents do) and she said that it didn't matter if I wanted it or not, it wasn't about me. The only reason that my parents are not bringing alcohol is because my reception is on my church's grounds. She gets very touchy and I don't want to cause any extra drama, but I'd like for her to stop. Would it be wrong to talk to my MIL or BM or sister about talking to her?</div>

MairePoppy

I think you should do this yourself. You are old enough to get married, so it's time to start standing up to your mother. I would rather hear it from my daughter than from her FMIL - which would be very embarassing for both moms - unless your FMIL also happens to be your mom's best friend. But still, it's time for you to draw some boundaries for your mom. Try it. You may be surprised that your mom respects you when you are honest and direct with her. And if she gets offended, she will get over it, or she will stay home.

Good luck.

willywally5

I'm a MOB too and agree 100% wwith MairePoppy. You can do this!  It might be the start of some very good growth in the relationship between you and your mom! Good luck!

jessandkaleb

Thanks for the advice! I will definitely talk to her and see how it goes! 

Summer2011Bride

I'm sorry your mom has to be a downer about wedding dresses. That sucks. It's possible she thinks she is just being honest and not wanting you to wear something she thinks doesn't flatter you, but obviously she's hurting your feelings and going too far. Beyond talking to her, I have another suggestion. Could you go out with your MOH and try on some dresses, narrowing it down to your top three or four? Then bring Mom along to help make the final decision?

You could say, "Mom, these are my top three. I'm going to end up wearing one of them and want to try them on for you." That way she's part of the process, but the time she has to criticize is limited. You've made it clear you love all these dresses and one will be THE ONE. If she still insists on criticizing, I would take her thoughts with a grain of salt. Consider what YOU like and consult others as well--MIL, MOH, etc. Good luck!

willywally5

Summer2011's idea on this is fabulous ... I'd do that AND talk to her! 

jessandkaleb

I love that idea, too, and actually tried it a month ago. But, when I showed her my two favorite dresses that I loved, she ended up making me hate them. She said I looked pregnant in the first, and then when I showed her the second, she said "that's okay," and proceded to show me her dress preferences (one that included a black lace design which is NOT my style). I'm hoping if I try it one more time and am just really firm, she will not be as critical. Thank you all so much for your help and advice! I am starting to feel a lot better about having to talk to her!

MairePoppy

If you love the dress, I'm sure it looks beautiful on you. You should get it regardless of anyone else's opinion. I love Summer 2011's suggestion.

Salsera29

I can SO relate to your problem. (Actually just posted about my mom lol). I have a slightly different perspective because I know sometimes "just talk to her" isn't the best idea. If you try it and it works, you're good! But if not...you have to TRY to not value her opinion so much. If she has to come shopping with you and she's going to be nasty, make sure you have backup. Bring your MOH, your BM, your FMIL..."stack the deck," so to speak, with people who are going to be kind and supportive. That way when your mom makes comments it won't have so much weight. 

I hope this is good advice because this is what I'm planning on doing. I haven't gone gown shopping yet but I'm planning on having at least 2 drinks before I do so :-)

Good luck!!!!