My Mother and my wedding nightmare

Groomzilla407

My Bride and I are in a very difficult position.  Unfortunatly my mother will be our wedding nightmare.  If I had my choice I would not invite my mother to the wedding but that is not an option.  At this point it is about damage control and I need help with ideas.

The reason I do not want my mother to the wedding are:

1  She does not have any people skills.  She is extremely rude and disrespectful to any and all people she comes into contact with.  I do not want her to be rude to our wedding staff or any other guest.

Quite frankly I am embarassed by her behavior and am afraid of the burden this will cause on our special day.  Is there a way to handle this without completley eliminating her from the occasion?  I feel that we will need to hire a "babysitter" to make sure that she does not take away from our wedding day. 

Has any one had a simalar experience or any advice that they can share?

Groomzilla407

There are health issues that are of major concern beyond her social skills.  I have two sisters but I consider them more family than my mother.  I want my sisters to enjoy my day and not have to burden them with babysitting.

It is a terrible situation for us to deal with

Groomzilla407

There are health issues that are of major concern beyond her social skills.  I have two sisters but I consider them more family than my mother.  I want my sisters to enjoy my day and not have to burden them with babysitting.

It is a terrible situation for us to deal with

sister2groom

If you're talking about a babysitter is there any way this is a mental illness she needs professional help with? Otherwise is there a family member you can ask to keep an eye on her?

As far as her being rude to the staff perhaps you can warn them, but whatever you do just give extra good tips.

Beachy730

Well I can understand the lack of social skills, because I had to deal with that at my wedding too.  My suggestion is to just have your mom be nothing more than a guest.  Don't let her have any contact with the workers, with the exception of the servers who are taking care of her table.  But she doesn't need to have any contact with your vendors or anyone else.

Groomzilla407

She will have no contact with vendors as she does not have a say in any planning what so ever.  My big concerns are her being rude to the wedding staff and the bride's family, and our guests.  I do not want her behavior to be a reflection on us. 

My family life was strained since my child hood.  It is so strained to the point that my mother is not an important part of my life.  However I have the obligation of having her come to the wedding.  With that said I want to limit her interaction with others at the wedding.  What is a good way to do this?

I do not want to have to be watching over my shoulder all night waiting for disaster to strike.  I want to have the wedding without the burden of having to babysit.

Has anyone else ever been in this position?

AutumnFair

Is there any other extended family members invited that are close enough and willing enough to step up and remove your mother if she is being rude to people?

The only thing I can suggest and I know it sounds pretty extreme is having security, if she starts making a scene they can quickly remove her from the situation. But really there isn't a whole lot you can do besides making it known to some guests that your mother has problems.

I have a disowned family member (my aunt) and for the most part we ignore her rants but my parents are not afraid of removing her from the room if she really starts making a scene. I have a 2nd cousin who is just plain snarky to people and most people know that she is a witch.

I wish I could give you some more advice but you are really limited with dealing with people like this. Good luck to you.

laurenes

You described having an obligation to invite her to the wedding. Is this because another family member is forcing it on you or because you feel it would be wrong to exclude her?

If it is another family member who is insisting she come, then THEY need to be the ones to "babysit" her all night. If it's your own personal moral code - well, ultimately that's your decision in the end, but if she's as awful a person as you describe then maybe it would be better now to sit down and have an (undoubtably uncomfortable) discussion that she's not invited to prevent an undoubtably more uncomfortable scene of her being at your wedding. Sorry I don't have better advice

specialk84

We are facing a similar situation with my FMIL.  FI is inviting her because he said he would feel like a jackass if he didn't.  She has committed numerous sins greater than insulting people.  

She will be treated mostly as a guest, but she will be escorted to her seat by FBIL, one of the GM.  FI would prefer to honor his aunt, the woman who primarily raised him, but he doesn't want to start World War III. FMIL knows nothing about the plans other than the date, time and place.

We aren't doing anything to honor the mothers during the ceremony, but FI has insisted we get together with my mom and let her know how important she is to us.  

Our reception venue is a park, and they require an on-duty park ranger to be present if alcohol is served.  The ranger and several close family members on each of our sides will be given a heads up on how to deal with her.  The vendors will also be told she has no say in anything, except, of course, her meal.

seniah

If there is an extended family member or family friend familiar with your mother's behavior/health ask them to assist you - if there is more then one that would be great.  This person or persons can keep an eye her throughout and excort her elsewhere if need be.

Or perhaps hiring a mental health nurse or similar to be her "guest."